Reflections from the Retreat Pt. I: Called out of Hiding

"God went back and got the shaking little girl that was hiding under the bed and convinced her to come out. He unclenched her little fists and took her hand and placed it in his and answered her question. He held her hand and told her it was OK for her not to be tough. He would protect her. She didn’t have to be strong. He told her she wasn’t a rock but a child. An innocent child. His child. He didn’t condemn her for anything but instead understood her and loved her! He told her she was special… like no other and that she had special gifts like no other. She knew his voice and trust him. She could hear the pleasure HE had for her in His voice and felt His delight in her as He talked. He was so gentle and loving she couldn’t help but melt in His arms…"

[Captivating, Eldredge]

“Have you no other daughters?” “No,” said the man. “There is a little stunted kitchen wench which my late wife left behind her, but she cannot be the bride.” The King’s son said he was to send her up to him; but the step-mother answered, “Oh no, she is much too dirty, she cannot show herself!” But he absolutely insisted on it, and Cinderella had to be called. She first washed her hands and face clean, and then went and bowed down before the King’s son, who gave her the golden slipper. Then she seated herself on a stool, drew her foot out of the heavy wooden shoe, and put it into the slipper, which fit like a glove. And when she rose up and the King’s son looked at her face, he recognized the beautiful maiden who had danced with him and cried, “This is the true bride!” The step-mother and two sisters were horrified and became pale with rage; he, however, took Cinderella on his horse and rode away with her.

[Cinderella story in Waking the Dead, Eldredge]

Those two stories are my life stories. Being called out of hiding has been a six year process for me… and in the last six months has taken on an entirely different shape as I’ve been taking another step closer to living the life God has called me to. The support raising process has been a time God has called out and insisted I come further out of hiding into the true glory my Father has bestowed upon my life.

I have spent the majority of my life in hiding.
I have spent the majority of my life waiting for Him to call me out.

This realization culminated on the Saturday as I was driving home, tears streaming down my face after our women’s retreat.

It was amazing.

God totally showed up and moved and did things I never thought I’d see or experience. It was a dream. It was exactly how I dreamt it and more.

I kept thinking, God…. Is… faithful…. God is so faithful.

Lives were changed. Our speakers were phenomenal. We got so many comments from the girls and staff wives with how professional it looked and felt.

There were so many things that were God. God messed with our girls and our hope and desire happened, girls were called to see themselves for all God intends for them to be. And we have our work cut out for us; we did resourcing after every talk, giving them books and people, places. Groups to go to if the talk struck a chord with them. This retreat allowed me to fully live out of my heart for my desire for women to know who they are and who they can become. They need to see other women to know this. They need to see women speak to know this. They need to be around other godly women to experience and taste this. They need to hear these things from a female perspective. They need to have a time and place all their own to let them know they matter to our church and they matter to God. They have a place here.

But, probably the biggest thing God showed me personally, was how different I felt each time I’d go up on stage to introduce the next speaker. It was as if something was being released, more and more of me was being set free.

I have only dreamed of running a women’s ministry at a church one day and encouraging the ladies from up there, and all of a sudden I saw myself doing it.

One of my friends who recently moved to another church told me how much she loves seeing me in “my element.” Another one of the staff wives told me how encouraged she was every time she saw and heard me talk. God has done a lot in my life in the last few months in support raising. The biggest, getting me around women who I want to be like. More is caught than taught. And I love being around women who are gifted speakers, hearing them speak, hearing them communicate because I had never heard a women speak before until this summer, first I heard Eva and was like I would never be able to do that, and then the more I saw these women this fall, the more I was like, this is powerful and it is needed.

I shared a testimony on trusting god in the midst of uncertainty last fall and was able to put some of these things I’d witnessed to practice and I was excited to feel fully more of myself in speaking in front of a large crowd. That part of who God created me to be was someone who communicated and shared a message with people.

But until you see women do it you don’t think you can. These women have empowered me and shown me the importance of women teaching other women. I dream of running large women’s ministries some day and felt this retreat was the first of many, who knows what shape or form they will take.

But I’m living in a new strength. I’m not even the same person anymore. People have noticed. Not that I am acting like someone else, but I’m more of my true self and the person God created me to be is finally free to come out.

Nothing compares to what I felt on Saturday and even all weekend being able to share with the girls and share these incredible women with the girls...