you opened up my eyes to wonder...

LET ALL CREATION SING IN WONDER
EVERY SEA, EVERY CREATURE, EVERY STAR
YOU OPENED UP MY EYES TO WONDER
WHAT A VISION, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

LET EVERY ROCK CRY OUT
LET EVERY KNEE BOW DOWN
YOU OPENED UP MY HEART TO WONDER
WHAT A LOVE, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

:::

So much wonder
Carved in your coral seas
So much wonder
Shaded by ancient trees
I consider all that your hands have made
Every newborn's eyes, every new sunrise
No power can tame your presence
No light can match your radiance

LET ALL CREATION SING IN WONDER
EVERY SEA, EVERY CREATURE, EVERY STAR
YOU OPENED UP MY EYES TO WONDER
WHAT A VISION, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

Such a wonder
Ordering time and tide
Such a wonder
Bridging the great divide
I consider all that you had, all you gave
And all that you endured
From this rebel world
What a wondrous cross you chose to bear
What a wonder you would even care

LET EVERY ROCK CRY OUT
LET EVERY KNEE BOW DOWN
YOU OPENED UP MY HEART TO WONDER
WHAT A LOVE, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

No power can tame your presence
No light can match your radiance
Such a wonder...
Such a wonder...

LET ALL CREATION SING IN WONDER
EVERY SEA, EVERY CREATURE, EVERY STAR
YOU OPENED UP MY EYES TO WONDER
WHAT A VISION, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

LET EVERY ROCK CRY OUT
LET EVERY KNEE BOW DOWN
YOU OPENED UP MY HEART TO WONDER
WHAT A LOVE, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

newsboys | in wonder

Photo courtesy of Katie Barnes Photography

His love endures forever.

These were the words that broke my silent reverie as I was getting up to leave my secret spot… it was as if those were the last words Jesus wanted to leave me with before I left that place…

And my heart broke out in the Chris Tomlin song, one I haven’t heard in years, but my heart remembered every single word of his rendition of Psalm 136 and these words became the cry of my heart,

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever…

I’m sad to say, but if we’re being honest here, it is rare when I can actually sing these words and find these verses are the true cry of my heart when I’m going through something difficult. Oh, it is no problem to feel and sing those praises to Him when everything is great, but one of the biggest lessons in the last year God has been teaching me is the joy in separating our joy from our circumstances. Last night was another chance to experience that. But I had come from that time of wrestling and pouring out my heart to God, laying out my fears and confusion and then just shutting up and letting His heart minister to mine… and I left in a spirit of worship.

Someone has said, the goal of prayer is the presence of God, and when we’re in the presence of God we have nothing better we can think to do, but worship.

I was just looking up the exact reference for these verses in writing a card for someone, and found eight different references with those exact words, “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” I was floored. I thought it was in the psalms a few times, but found it in these other books, quoting David’s psalms:

1 Chronicles 16:34-35: 34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 35 Cry out, "Save us, O God our Savior; gather us and deliver us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, that we may glory in your praise."

Or we find it as the first words starting out chapters 106 and 107 in the Psalms, a declaration of giving praise and thanks to our Lord and Savior before anything else is said…

I love the progression in Psalm 107:

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say this— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, 3 those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. [a] 4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. 5 They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. 6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 7 He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. 8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, 9 for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Or, we see those words here as a battle cry in Psalm 118:

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 2 Let Israel say: "His love endures forever." 3 Let the house of Aaron say: "His love endures forever." 4 Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever." 5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. 6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies. 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. 9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes. 10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me. 14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

The Lord is my strength and my song… what incredibly powerful words…

I feel those few simple words, His love endures forever, that I heard as I was walking away were beautiful reminders of who is my strength and who to look for in the battle…

And I feel maybe that was part of what the Lord was telling me. I know things aren’t all figured out, but I am ABOVE all things… remember that my love ENDURES forever…

So my heart can sing and my heart can trust you… before any answers are provided, before the circumstances have changed, my heart can choose to say, lord, blessed be your name… All I needed to know in order to move forward from that place, was being reminded of who He is, and that His love endures forever…

forever

By Chris Tomlin

Special promises and streams in the desert to me yesterday and today --

Give thanks to the Lord,
Our God and King

His love endures forever

For he is good, he is above all things

His love endures forever

Sing praise, sing praise…

With a mighty hand and outstretched arm

His love endures forever

For the life that’s been reborn

His love endures forever

Sing praise, sing praise…
Sing praise (hallelujah) sing praise

Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever, forever

Forever…

From the rising to the setting sun

His love endures forever

And by the grace of God we will carry on

His love endures forever

Sing praise, sing praise…
Sing praise (hallelujah) sing praise

Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever, forever

Forever…

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good…

His love endures forever… His love endures forever…
His love endures forever… forever…

Sing praise, sing praise….
Sing praise (hallelujah) sing praise

Forever, You are faithful…
Forever You are strong

Forever You are with us
Forever and ever and ever

Forever...

Photo courtesy of Katie Barnes Photography

walking by faith: lessons learned in the dark

“We walk by faith, not by sight…” 2 Corinthians 5:7

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

“Walking by faith is a lot like walking in the dark…”

Amen sister. Was all my little heart could say. That is so true.

I am in a Bible study with some women called Walking by Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark, by Jennifer Rothschild (another female teacher in the LifeWay network, same network as Beth Moore). I’d never heard of her until I heard about the study, but was quickly amazed by her story and her ministry

Jennifer was 15 her eyesight started failing and soon thereafter she was pronounced legally blind. She was diagnosed with a disease with no cure and now, as an author, speaker, and recording artist, God is using her life and her experiences to share valuable insight into what it really means to walk with God. “Walking by Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark contrasts the evidences of walking by faith and walking by sight and encourages participants to take risks, give God control, persevere through hardship, receive God’s gifts, be guided by the Truth rather than feelings, and seek God.”

From one of the lessons this week:

"My friend and I stood in my new home exchanging decorating ideas. When I commented on how much I love the wallpaper in the bath, there was an awkward pause.

"But Jennifer … how do you know you love the wallpaper if you can’t see it?” It was a fair question.

I told her my mother had vividly described the Jacobean print to me, and that through her every word, I could see the honey mustard, cranberry, and forest green colors twining through the vines and leaves in my mind’s eye. And I loved what I “saw” there.

That’s how I like to explain faith. The dictionary says that faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof—a belief that does not have to rest on visible evidence. My eyes can’t see my wallpaper’s design, but it’s still there. I know it’s there; my eyes don’t have to confirm what I know is real. In fact, it’s so real that even though I can’t see it, I still enjoy and delight in it.

Perhaps that’s what the writer of Hebrews thought as he wrote, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1 NKJV)… "

One idea I loved that she said in the video was, when we’re living by faith and not by sight, we have come to know that life is not easy. Life is hard. We know the terrain can be rough on the road ahead, yet we have a trustworthy guide. She talks a lot about having to rely on guides to get her around physically, and that guides all have just one qualification: sight. But even some of the most well-meaning guides have failed her and led her astray, so you need a guide who not only knows the way; you need a guide who can be trusted and relied upon…

One who knows the path before us and one who is faithful as we walk through the dark. This is why our battle is so difficult. Each of us could name several situations in our lives where we feel like we are literally out there walking in the dark. As followers of Christ, the life we live is one of walking by faith, not by sight.

By keeping our eyes focused on the things unseen and knowing, and taking a step in faith, and going forth, as Sarah did that “because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.” (Hebrews 11:11)

“When we step out in faith, we let go of control, and we find the treasures God has reserved for those who lean completely on Him.”

Faith stretches us. It removes us from every source of comfort, so that we do not rely on that which we can see. I recently read that in the spiritual life, sight can actually cripple us… because when we trust our sight more than faith, we no longer are looking to God… faith begins where our sight begins to fail...

But we can live by faith because “he who promised is faithful…” (Hebrews 10:23)

Faith gives us eyes to see the unseen.

This is our battle in the Christian race, if we see him, if we see the unseen, we won’t stop running, just like it is said of Moses, “By faith… he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.” (Hebrews 11:27)

That verse has stuck out to me lately…

Why did he persevere? What honestly made Moses keep going, in the face of so much adversity and unseeming deliverance?

Because of something he saw.

And here is the paradox I came to today. Faith is about the unseen. But everything about faith is about sight.

I mean how many times have we heard, we walk by faith not by sight… and say yeah, yeah, yeah... but those words gripped me the other day.

It was like getting a bucket of cold water thrown on my face, it woke me up to reality, that is why this is so freakin’ hard some days… we are not seeing the most deepest realities in which we are walking… we walk by faith. Period.

So we are told to have faith yet also sight… to see the unseen. That is the key to faith.

But like I said before, though the terrain can be rough, we have a trustworthy guide who sees and knows the path that stretches before us, that holds and He himself walks with us, every step of the way.

"Walking by faith is living in a reality not yet seen. Relying on sight--as paradoxical as it sounds--blinds us to God's best..."

The Beloved

I just had to get back out to that place tonight.
It’s a place where every time I go it literally feels like the world stops. There is a peace that covers that place that I don't fully understand.
I’m in wonder at the beauty of the land, I’m in awe of His wonder.
That place where I can hear His voice most clearly.

Where I can hear the voice that calls me, the Beloved.
And cling to that truth in a world so surrounded by rejections.

And don’t you remember that you are Mine?
That you belong to Me?

And suddenly this becomes the only thing that matters. That I belong to Him. We all long for intimate belonging. Being reminded of this most real part about me begins to melt away the tension. As the fears and insecurities and uncertainties are acknowledged and healed in His presence…

I am my Beloved’s
and He is Mine.

my hope comes from him

"my hope comes from him."
:: psalm 62:5

promises and streams in the desert

its leaves are always green...

"but blessed are those who TRUST in the lord

whose CONFIDENCE is in... him. . . ."

But why?

Why are they blessed? What does this even mean. The Hebrew meaning for blessed here literally means “happy.” So why are they filled with happiness? The Lord gives us glimpses into their secret.

They are continually connected and being fed by the source. And their trust isn’t in the heat or the rain or the drought or anything going on in or around them, but in the Lord. their confidence isn’t in themselves or anything they can do, they are entirely reliant upon the Lord, and their confidence isn’t in themselves, but in him… before these verses we see those who are cursed, as the Lord says, those who put their trust in mere mortals, who depend on flesh for their strength, they will be like those in a barren desert, then he makes this contrasting case, for those who will be blessed, those who will experience true life and sustenance, thirst for their every need...

"... they will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream

it does not fear WHEN heat comes
its leaves are ALWAYS green
it has NO worries in a year of drought
and NEVER FAILS to bear fruit."

:: jeremiah 17:7-8

Since the first time that passage captured my heart, last fall and every time I read it, it fills me with an intense desire to be like that tree planted by the water. The woman the Lord desires me to be is described in these verses. This is a picture of the life He invites me to live each day, a life I am free to choose and accept.

To be continually near and fed and sustained by my Maker. To be fruitful in every season, in seasons of abundance and seasons of drought. That these things are PROMISES, rich promises from the Lord to His Beloved... These two verses carry so many promises, that the life we seek is possible.

All we have to do is remain planted by the water, and send out our roots.

He is there and desires to fill my life with His love, care and blessing.

To have my complete trust and confidence in him. Not in my circumstances or in those around me. Lord, make me this woman, a woman planted by the water, such rich promises in these two verses, promises possible for those who make the Lord their trust, who come, empty and needy, only able to offer themselves, and he himself will do the rest. Let me be one of those who trust in the Lord and find my confidence in him, who remain near to you and finds their hope, their moment to moment life, in you and you alone.

ITS LEAVES ARE ALWAYS GREEN...

Yet I will rejoice.

These are four of the most beautiful words.

Whenever we find this in scripture, it is important to note it signals a critical change in key. It speaks so much to my heart because I feel the power in that "yet." That yet is a turning point. A dramatic turning away from our will and our own limited perspective, from our own feeble understanding…

That yet signals a conscious choice, a recognition that what they are about to say is a declaration of how they want to think, feel and believe. A conscious choice of the will that is completely contrary to what everything around them may be pointing to, an honest look after being completely honest with our situations and where we have been, taking a searing examination of the losses, yet choosing to still believe, as it was true for Habakkuk in his situation when he cried out these words. It is an act of ruthless trust to see what is unseen. And to place continually hope in the Sovereign Lord. These words gripped my heart today.

"… Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength,

He (alone) makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He (alone) enables me to tread on the heights."

Habakkuk 3:18-19

victory!

victory is found in perseverance...

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…”

“as soon as they caught sight… they started running…”

the reality of naked trust

"In the arc of my unremarkable life, wherein the victories have been small and personal, the trials fairly pedestrian, and the failures large enough to deeply wound me and those I love, I have repeated endlessly the pattern of falling down and getting up, falling down and getting up.

Each time I fall, I am propelled to renew my efforts by a blind trust in the forgiveness of my sins from sheer grace, in the acquittal, vindication, and justification of my ragged journey based not on good deeds I have done (the approach taken by the Pharisee in the temple) but on an unflagging trust in the love of a gracious and merciful God.

When Rosalyn and I married, we were both unemployed. My ministry had been shut down in the Catholic Church, and I was virtually unknown in other ecclesial communities. Offers to preach the gospel went a-begging, and the knock on the door never came.

Our story is perhaps a paradigm for every trusting disciple.

The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment.

The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.

Why?

Because God has signaled the moments and offered it his presence and his promise.

Of course there were days when I was afraid, when my heart sank and my body trembled, when I felt muddled and befuddled, when I felt like a bewildered child alone and lost in the dark night, hearing strange and frightening noise, put simply, there were days when anxiety and uncertainty prevailed. Then out of nowhere came a calm, reassuring voice, “Do not be afraid, I am with you.”

The biggest obstacle on my journey of trust has been an oppressive sense of insecurity, inadequacy, inferiority, and low self-esteem. . . .

In order to grow in trust, we must allow God to see us and love us precisely as we are. The best way to do that is through prayer.

As we pray, the unrestricted love of God gradually transforms us.

We open ourselves to receive our own truth in the light of God’s truth. The Spirit opens our eyes to see what really is, to pierce through the illusions so that we can discover we are seen by God with a gaze of love."

:: Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

The Way of Trust

"This book started writing itself with a remark from my spiritual director, 'Brennan, you don’t need any more insights into the faith,' he observed. 'You’ve got enough insights to last you three hundred years. The most urgent need in your life is to trust what you have received.'

That sounded simple enough. But his remark sparked a searing reexamination of my life, my ministry, and the authenticity of my relationship with God—a reexamination that spanned the next two years.

The challenge to actually trust God forced me to deconstruct what I had spent my life constructing, to stop clutching what I was so afraid of losing, to question my personal investment in every word I had ever written or spoken about Jesus Christ and fearlessly to ask myself if I trust him." - Brennan Manning, first few words in Ruthless Trust

:::

This was the crossroads I found myself at again tonight. It was the nagging question I knew wasn’t letting me go for the last few days, Mazvita, do you trust him?

And this is why I love Brennan Manning so much. He is one of those authors that becomes like a close friend and mentor. I feel I connect with him so deeply and love how raw and honest he is in his relationship with God, it has torn down so many of my own barriers and his uninhibited confessions have given me the freedom to claim my own and move forward with the God who is more real than I could have ever dreamt. And Brennan has given me permission to wrestle with God, permission for my soul to ask the heart’s deepest questions, and really getting to the bottom of our trust issues that we as humans have with not only each other, but with GOD. I feel he has been a much needed companion on my journey with God, and a guide I’m most grateful for.

Ruthless Trust has been an annual read since I first read it, apparently in December 2006, the date written in the inside cover, though I was for sure I took it to Colorado in the summer of 2006 after I graduated. The first chapter is one I could read a million times but I always find something new. His writing is so alive. There is so much movement and energy to his words and how he connects stories and personal experiences. I feel like he’s sharing the most exciting thing in his life with me as we sit and have a cup of coffee, yet also not barring me the reality of how difficult and challenging the road has been and the road ahead. But he shares with me his secrets, what has allowed him to travel so far and what he desperately wants me to know so I can have assurance in the God who is leading me, and take steps for the path ahead. More from Manning:

:::

“Through countless hours of silence, solitude, soul-searching and prayer, I learned that the act of trust is an utterly ruthless act. . . .

The underlying premise of this book: the splendor of a human heart which trusts that it is loved gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, the sight of ten thousand butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom.

Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it.” - Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning

the only thing expected of us

"The basic premise of biblical trust is the conviction that God wants us to grow, to unfold, and to experience fullness of life. However, this kind of trust is acquired only gradually and most often through a series of crises and trials. Through the indescribable anguish on Mount Moriah with his son Isaac, Abraham learned that the God who had called him to hope against hope was eminently reliable and that the only thing expected of him was unconditional trust."

- Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning

father’s day 2009

Every holiday and every Father’s Day is better than the last. This cannot be explained really. I can only give all the credit to God. And am forever grateful. Today was a beautiful day. A day I was allowed to see more of the glory of God. A day witnessing to the beauty of God’s redemption and restoration. A day to honor someone I never thought I’d be able to forgive, yet a man whom God has given me a love and a compassion for that is unexplainable. There stands a relationship between two broken people, two sinners both in need of the Father's unrestricted love and mercy, a relationship that is being redeemed and restored, moment by moment by His power and His touch alone.

To God be all the glory

Praise to Him who is the life-changer.
You are so worthy to be praised.

what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like.

This is always a moment of crisis in our hearts, when we’re faced with the gravest question, what we, in our deepest of hearts, believe and conceive God to be like. Tonight was another one of those nights, a conversion of the heart from mistrust to trust by my incredible loving and merciful God, who is Lord of all. Thank you for rescuing me and saving me once again.

"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.

O Lord God Almighty, not the God of the philosophers and the wise but the God of the prophets and apostles; and better than all, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Crhist, may I express Thee unblamed? They that know Thee not may call upon Thee as other than Thou art, and so worship not Thee but a creature of their own fancy; therefore enlighten our minds that we may know Thee as Thou art, so that we may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

:::

The history of mankind will probably show us that no people has ever risen above its religion, and man’s spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God.

For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at any given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like."

- Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy

do not lean on your own understanding.

but I just can’t see it happening. but I just can’t see how it’s all going to work out. but I just don’t know how it will happen...

and then there came a gentle whisper

"do not lean on your own understanding…"

and the voice reminds me of these words,

"trust in the Lord, with all of your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding…"

as they break my silence reverie.

and then it continues, in ALL of your ways acknowledge him and HE will make your paths straight.

“When your circumstances are screaming for your attention…..who do YOU trust?
Many of us would answer “me”.

Oh I think a lot of us say “I trust in God” or “I believe He’s fully in control”, but when life starts spinning out of control (for big or small reasons) do we really act like it ?

I know for me, often when I am thrown into a crisis, or caught up in a moment of uncertainty – my default is to try to control my situation, to panic or to just whine. I don’t always “live out” what I so easily proclaim.

I think I’m probably not alone…huh?"

I’m so guilty of this. I’m reminded of Joni’s words here from the first time I heard her speak at a women’s ministry I’m involved with at another church. My default is ALWAYS to try and control. I spent hours this morning trying to work several things out and trying to figure it all out.

like it all depends on us. but notice who that verse says will make our paths straight,
this is with money. with support. with several situations in my life lately.

shrouded in uncertainty.

beyond comfort and once again I’m pushed to the limits.
don’t think you know how the rest of the support will come in.
cause I was using the past as evidence. and allowing it to sow seeds of doubt.
help me with my unbelief, i ask. the voice cautions me again, lovingly and gently… don’t think you know how it will happen.
don’t think you know.
don’t look at only what you can see before you. don’t look at what your circumstances are telling you.

trust.
in me.

not in what you can see. not in your circumstances or what you think you know will happen.

it is a choice to trust.
to trust in what we can see or our own resources and strength or to trust in the father. to trust in the only one who can save.

what the father longs from me is reliance.
I am now convinced that if everything that happens to me is still an expression of his unfailing love, then what he truly desires from me is that I would rely upon him, no matter the situation, nor matter what is going on, or how I may feel about it.

what he desires more than anything is fuller and deeper dependence on Him, His character, who He is and fuller and deeper reliance on Him.

because if we really trust someone, we come to rely upon them no matter what. they no longer have to prove themselves to us. they are trustworthy and we can rely upon their word and who we know them to be.

will you trust me? he pleads with her again.

as humans, our sight is limited.
give me eyes to see, lord. was my prayer earlier today.
I want to see. give me eyes to see you.

when the only voice that matters finally broke through
and told me everything I needed to hear: do not lean on your own understanding… trust in the LORD with all your heart…

trust in the father,
trust also in me.

don’t not let your hearts be troubled…
and do not be afraid…

fear not, for I am with you…

… but blessed are those who trust in the lord
whose confidence is in him…

the lord surrounds his people
those who trust in his unfailing love…

those who put their hope in the lord
will never be put to shame

..for I have made the lord my refuge…

do not lean on your own understanding…
trust the lord with all your heart…

my hope comes from him…

in the lord I place my trust.

you are my rock
my provider.
my redeemer and my deliverer.
my closest friend.
my shelter and my protector.
my advocate.
my healer.
my leader and my guide.

when I am afraid, I will trust in you.
into your hands I commit my spirit

IN THE LORD
I PLACE MY TRUST...

MY CONFIDENCE IS IN HIM.

Empowered to Be

"Who are we? Are we what we do? Are we what others say about us? Are we the power we have? It often seems that way in our society. But the Spirit of Jesus given to us reveals our true spiritual identities. The Spirit reveals that we belong not to a world of success, fame, or power but to God. The world enslaves us with fear; the Spirit frees us from that slavery and restores us to the true relationship. That is what Paul means when he says: "All who are guided by the Spirit of God are sons [daughters] of God, for what you received was not the spirit of slavery to bring you back into fear; you received the spirit of adoption, enabling us to cry out, 'Abba, Father!'" (Romans 8:15).Who are we? We are God's beloved sons and daughters!"

- Henri Nouwen

#550, Surviving church as a single.

Okay, so my girl Kate sent this to me and we both LOL'd at this one... Mostly because I tell her comments like these below that people have seriously said to me or that her other single friends have told her. OMG, people... really? lol.

You just have to laugh because because it gets to be nearly comical that people actually look at you weird or are unable to comprehend how you can be surviving let alone thriving and living your life WITHOUT a spouse lol.

Here's from the blog, Stuff Christians Like:

#550, Surviving church as a single.

"Single adults, I have failed you.

Although I’ve written a handful of ideas about being single at church, I’ve never really done that topic justice.

So today, I created a list of all the different stereotypes and challenges singles have to navigate when they go to church. From the “get married right this second” friends to the “this guy has a pulse and so do you so maybe that’s enough in common to fall in love” friends, it’s all here.

And I can’t take credit for it. I read your comments about real things that have happened to you at church, got ideas from my single friends, and received a great email from a pastor named Jeff. I took it all and created a point based scorecard.

Ready to play?

The Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard

1. Your church doesn't have a singles ministry. = + 1 point

2. Your church has a singles ministry but it's combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:
Student: "My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!"
Single: "My 401K is underperforming." = +2 points

3. Your church has a singles ministry but it's a triad that combines college, single adults and divorce recovery. = + 3 points

4. Your church has a singles ministry but it's the dreaded quad, combining college, single adults, divorce recovery and retired widowers that refuse to move to Florida. = +4 points

5. Someone pays you the world's most backhanded compliment, "I just don't understand how someone as great as you isn't married yet." = +1 point

6. Someone told you, “If you stop looking for love you’ll find it.” 2 points for each time you’ve heard that.

7. At church, people give you weird looks if you refuse to sit in the “singles” section of the sanctuary. = +1 point

8. When people introduce you, they say, “This is Matt, my single friend.” = +2 points

9. When people introduce you they feel compelled to list out your accomplishments, “This is Sally, my single friend who owns her own home, drives a luxury sedan and has a very, very stable job.” = +3 points

10. Your friends that have been married for 15 minutes act like they suddenly don’t remember anything about dating and therefore can't give you any advice. “It’s been so long since I dated, things have changed so much. I’m just out of that whole scene.” + 2 points

11. People are constantly volunteering you for things because, “you’re single, you’ve got so much free time.” = +1 point

12. People at church act a little surprised when they ask you, “How are you doing?” and you respond with, “Things are great right now. I love my life!” = +1 point

13. Married friends try to live vicariously through you, asking questions like, “What did you do this weekend? Road trip? I bet you went on some crazy cool, singles road trip, right?” = +2 points

14. Someone you just met for the first time said a sentence like this to you, “If you want to get married, you need to ______.” = +2 points

15. Whenever married friends call you at noon on a Saturday, they start the conversation by saying, “Did I just wake you up?” = +3 points

16. You assume that if you don’t get engaged by final exams of your senior year in college you'll never get married. = -2 points

17. You’ve secretly always wanted your own cat but are afraid that ownership of a single kitten will become some sort of gateway drug to becoming “the cat lady.” = - 2 points

18. You’ve ever given an impassioned, enraged monologue on the injustice that men who are single get to age gracefully and be considered “bachelors” while women are instantly judged as “crazy cat ladies.” = – 3 points

19. You’ve got a “don’t perpetuate the cat lady stereotype,” monologue locked and loaded at all times and have already stopped reading this post so you can put it in the comments section. = - 5 points

20. Someone has quoted the “it’s not good for man to be alone” Bible verse to you. = +2 points.

21. When friends invite you to their church they start the invite by listing both the quantity and hotness of the singles that go there. = +1 point

22. That friend was named Jon Acuff and he said, “No one in Atlanta should ever involuntarily remain single with so many awesome single people at North Point Community Church.” (I've said this a lot. My bad.) = + 3 points

23. Your married friends tip toe around you during February because they think you're too delicate to handle the completely made up holiday, Valentine’s Day. = +1 point

24. You are too delicate to handle Valentine’s Day and have been known to describe it with a rich tapestry of words no Christian should even know exist, never mind actually say out loud. = + 1 point

25. The person that leads the singles ministry at your church got married in 1964. = +10 points for each decade they’ve been married.

26. Someone told you, "Maybe you need to focus on being more like a Proverbs 31 woman." = 2 points for each time it wasn't sincere encouragement.

27. You didn't know you were supposed to be unhappy as a single adult until you went to church and found the singles ministry to be akin to a support group. = +3 points

28. Upon hearing that you went on a first date with someone, your single friends at church stop inviting you to the single events because "you're in a relationship already." = +2 points

29. Upon hearing that you went on two dates, your married friends at church start telling you, "I'll be praying that this is the one!" = + 3 points

30. Your best friend of 15 years gets married and then suddenly acts like a magical gap has opened up between you and decides that until you get married too you can't be close again because you just don't understand each other anymore. = +3 points

31. To justify giving a four week marriage sermon series to a congregation that is 60% single, the pastor throws out one blanket statement like this at the beginning of the series, "And you single people listen up to this too, this well serve you well when you get married too." = +2 points

32. You set your alarm to "not going to church today" after the first week of the marriage sermon series. = - 2 points

33. The only time your married friends invite you over is when they need a babysitter. = +3 points

34. Someone throws the "Paul was never married" card on you. = +2 points

35. Friends assume that the only qualification that matters to you when it comes to finding a date is that she's available and set you up with people you have nothing in common with. = +2 points

36. You've ever said the rhyme, "I'm a bachelor til’ the rapture." = - 1 point

37. During a prayer at church celebrating wedding anniversaries, the person praying says a special prayer for all the people that are still single and lonely. (True story) = +1 point

38. You have a friend that feels like creating a dating profile on eHarmony is a sign that you might not be trusting God enough to provide a soul mate. = + 1 point

39. You've developed highly sensitive, "They're about to throw the bouquet" radar and know exactly when to leave a wedding. = +2 points

40. Instead of saying that you're "single" your friends describe you as "Not married yet." = +2 points

How did you score? Did I miss any? Have you experienced some that just weren't on that list?"

for the first or last time

"look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time."
- betty smith, a tree grows in brooklyn

the paradox of grief

"The paradox of grief is that it is healing, it somehow restores our souls, when all the while we thought it would leave us in despair. Control is the enemy, grief is our friend."
:: John Eldredge

just live your life

"the highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived."
-soren Kierkegaard

Pneuma

Breath

You are as near to me as my very breath. More real than anything I can see. You are my life giver. My source. Breathing life into me, close enough I can feel you, yet nearer to me than I am to myself. You breath air into these lifeless lungs, your spirit awakens the deadness within. Life is only possible because it is given. Everything I have is from you.

I am Yours, she whispers. And you are Mine, He tenderly replies.

I shared with a friend today that my relationship with You lately has been as real as she and I sitting there talking. I thank you for that. For we are not in charge of our own spiritual transformation, it always starts with and is nurtured by you. I’m just here along for the ride. I will come, and you always meet me. We come, you do the work. You meet us.

Continue to breathe.
Continue to be near.
With you I can face all things. I am never alone.
You are always with me. You are always near.
You are always true.
Closer than my very breath.
I hear you. I feel your touch.

The very breath of God within us.
This is simply astounding.

:::

“When we speak about the Holy Spirit, we speak about the breath of God, breathing in us. The Greek word for ‘spirit’ is pneuma, which means ‘breath.’ We are seldom aware of our breathing. It is so essential for life that we only think about it when something is wrong with it.

The Spirit of God is like our breath. God's spirit is more intimate to us than we are to ourselves. We might not often be aware of it, but without it we cannot live a "spiritual life." It is the Holy Spirit of God who prays in us, who offers us the gifts of love, forgiveness, kindness, goodness, gentleness, peace, and joy. It is the Holy Spirit who offers us the life that death cannot destroy. Let us always pray: ‘Come, Holy Spirit, come.’”

- Henri Nouwen

Hand over the gun

"We can be fairly certain that Moses developed some pretty good coping mechanisms for dealing with the pain of his situation, as all human beings do. All of us develop ways of adjusting and staying safe in the midst of whatever danger or difficulty is present in our environment. We develop these patterns before we are conscious that we are doing so, and they become very normal to us.

Because these patterns are formed unconsciously while we are still young, as adults we have little conscious awareness of these adaptations until they start to hamper our current relationships and no longer serve the journey that God is inviting us to."

- Ruth Haley Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

This pretty much defines and captures the need for recovery ministry perfectly, when I read it I wrote a big YES next to it...

It only takes days like the last couple days with experiences with my family of origin to remind me of why I have been called to recovery ministry, whatever that looks like, I’ve been called to be a part of the process of captives being set free, of brokenness being owned and thereby healed, and others becoming more whole.

Unresolved sin and pain destroy lives. They destroy families. Of which I have all too close personal experience. I have seen the devastating effect of sin and its toll, when not dealt with and how it has affected each and every one of us. The pain caused is immense, yet the pain of the one who has inflicted most of the pain is sadly way deeper. What's worse, this isn't unique to just my family, others in my life wrestle with these same realities daily.

PUTTING DOWN THE GUN

“… As we face who we are more honestly, we find that we are finally ready for an encounter with God. The first leg of Moses’ journey as a leader, then, was not to lead anyone else anywhere; it was to allow himself to be led into freedom from his own bondage. Before he could lead others into freedom, he needed to experience freedom himself.

In solitude he was able to let go of the coping mechanisms that had served him well in the past but were completely inappropriate for the leader he was becoming.

(Quick background, Barton spent the previous chapter detailing Exodus 1 and 2 where Moses was found out after killing an Egyptian, his anger getting the best of him as this was his unrefined leadership doing what he thought was needed for the situation. His embarrassment and shame at being found out caused him to flee into solitude with God. As he realized he was no longer in control and his past and his patterns were controlling him. And then we see a change in him, his own conversion and how it changes the soul of his leadership).

Yes, anger and the need to prove himself through the misuse of power would probably always be temptations for him (as we see in Numbers 20:1-13, for instance), but they would never again be his normal and accepted mode of operation.

Now it was time to relinquish the weapons of false security, to come out of hiding and make room for something new to come.

Theophane, a Cisterian monk residing at St. Benedict’s Monastery in Snowmass, Colorado, tells a striking story that beautifully illustrates such letting go:

I saw a monk alone in the vegetable garden. I squatted down beside him and said, “Brother, what is your dream?” He just looked straight at me. What a beautiful face he had.

“I would like to become a monk,” he answered.

“But brother, you are a monk, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been here for 25 years, but I still carry a gun.” He drew a revolver from the holster under his robe. It looked so strange, a monk carrying a gun.

“And they won’t—are you saying they won’t let you become a monk until you give up your gun?”

“No, it’s not that. Most of them don’t even know I have it, but I know.”

“Well then, why don’t you give it up?”

“I guess I’ve had it so long. I’ve been hurt a lot, and I’ve hurt a lot of others. I don’t think I would be comfortable without the gun.”

“But you seem pretty uncomfortable with it.”

“Yes, pretty uncomfortable, but I have my dream.”

“Why don’t you give me the gun?” I whispered. I was beginning to tremble.

He did, he gave it to me. His tears ran down to the ground and then he embraced me.”

Today, I was told to hand over the gun.

The anger I seldom allow myself feel, the anger I say is no longer there because I have come to peace with all of my story and forgiveness and redemption have been done and are being done. Yet this wasn’t where I lived today. Today feelings of anger and disgust came and had to be dealt with. Hand over the gun, Mazvita.

If I could use one word to describe my childhood home it would be: chaotic.

This is not a slam, this is a reality I have had to accept today. As recent eruptions pulled me back into the chaos, I was reminded I can not disassociate as I would like to do but take an honest look at this home and how it has wrecked and shaped each one of us. How sin and its devastating effect have destroyed a family desperately trying to pick up the pieces. No one has come out or is still in the fire, unscathed. The debris is widespread, lives in the wreckage of years in the making. More damage coming to light, as sin and its hold cannot be hidden.

Surrounded by brokenness and it reminds me that I have some to own.

I have to accept and acknowledge theirs as well as mine. Say that it was ugly and painful, yet say that it was real. Say that it was wrong and grave mistakes were made, but also say I love you and I forgive you and accept you. Say that as a result I have made mistakes and have brokenness as well, but say I am loved and redeemed and have been given a new life now. I have to own and accept all of my story.

HAND OVER THE GUN

... were the Father’s words to me today...

as He pushed me to deeper places in my heart He wanted us to go today. I remember hearing this part of the book shared by Ruth herself, as she spoke at a retreat I went on last month, and remember how powerful that session was. You could see we all just got punched in the gut and sat motionless, letting it all sink in, all painfully aware of the gun we were clinging to yet desperately trying to hide. And then, I read this chapter about a week ago, this book is one that I wish I could fly through but have to stop to process. It wasn’t until today I was able to hand over the gun.

Part of why I love this book is that it speaks to the recovery journey I’ve been on since January and the power behind allowing our souls to be set free, and how once we get a glimpse of the weight of it all, we see this journey is not only critical for us to take for us and our relationship with our Lord, but as I found and shared with friends one day last semester, this has profound effects and has not only saved my relationship with God, it has potentially saved my career in ministry, it has potentially saved my current and future relationships, and it has potentially saved my future marriage. It’s that serious. And that necessary that I be doing this right now, for my own life and the lives of those around me.

Which is what this books talks about, how critical a leaders’ soul is to their life and the lives of those in their wake. Unattended our souls can do much damage.

“Most of us have a gun—some way of protecting ourselves and making ourselves feel safe, hidden under the robe of our leadership persona. It is fairly easy to keep our gun hidden most of the time, but we know that it is there and that it is incongruent to the person God is calling us to be.

We also know that if it were to “go off” unexpectedly, it would do great damage.

We are uncomfortable living with it, but we are afraid to live without it.

Sometimes we let ourselves dream of being free, of traveling without the need to pack a weapon. Holding onto our self-protective patterns is one manifestation of our unwillingness to surrender ourselves to God for the journey that is ahead.

But there is another desire that is greater than our desire to be safe. It is the desire to abandon ourselves to God and the life to which he is calling us. It is the desire to leave Egypt and journey with others to the Promised Land. Sometimes we hear God’s whisper, “Why don’t you just give me the gun?” We feel ourselves trembling with longing and with possibility, with fear and with hope. He waits quietly, patiently. And as we are ready, we give him that behavior, that pattern, that sin that we have relied on all these years, our tears running down to the ground. At least for a moment, we let ourselves feel what it’s like to be free.”

- Ruth Haley Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

This recovery process has been a journey I will never forget, one that has been worth every step, the painful and the freeing moments, a journey of my soul returning home.

Relentless

“After years of hearing the heart-cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, form beginning to end, the cry of God’s heart is, “Why won’t you choose me?” It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. “You will find me,” says the Lord, “when you seek me with all your heart” (Jer. 29:13). In other words, “Look for me, pursue me—I want you to pursue me.” Amazing. As Tozer says, “God waits to be wanted.”

- from Captivating

The irony is that we have a God that wants to be wanted.

I am realizing that His pursuit is relentless.

I love how the heart-cry of a woman desiring to be pursued gives us a glimpse of God’s heart. And then I’m finding not only can God relate to that desire, but that his intense pursuit of me is teaching me what it feels like and what it looks like to truly be pursued, in the right way, so I will be able to recognize it, though in human form it will be merely a shadow of His pursuit, but I will recognize and have no doubts.

I’ve been realizing this lately because to be pursued means you are the object of one’s affection. I am experiencing that. To be pursued means someone wants to be with you, they want to get to know you, they want to spend time with you, they want to experience you. You get to know someone only by through your experiences of them, so even thought God knows us, he wants to experience us and allow us to experience Him. This is what relationships are built on, a collection of experiences in which trust, honesty, grace, love, and compassion grows.

When you are being pursued, you feel special. You feel chosen. More than a woman's desire to be pursued is the desire to be chosen. This cannot be mistaken. You feel desired and you feel wanted. Not for anything you can do or offer or say, but simply because of who you are. This is a glorious freedom. This is what it means to be in love. And I’m falling in love with my Savior again. He is wooing me with His love and showing me what it means to be loved. And with God it is so mysterious how it works, we pursue Him only because He has first put a desire within us that calls for the pursuit and has already pursued us.

“God waits to be wanted.”

And we also find there, He waits for us to come and show us we are wanted too.

- Photo by Mallory Thomas Taulbee of Avia Photography, a recent engagement photo shoot

Dethroning ourselves

“NO!”

“I can do it by myself.”

“I’ll do it my way!”

“I have no choice!”

“The natural man is a sinner because and only because he challenges God’s selfhood in relation to his own. . . . Yet so subtle is self that scarcely anyone is conscious of its presence. Because man is born a rebel, he is unaware that he is one. His constant assertion of self, as far as he thinks of it at all, appears to him a perfectly normal thing. He is willing to share himself, sometimes even to sacrifice himself for a desired end, but never to dethrone himself. No matter how far down the scale of social acceptance he may slide, he is still in his own eyes a king on a throne, and no one, not even God, can take that throne from him…” – Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy

Whenever the children I’m around make me search for Shepherding A Child’s Heart, my one and only parenting book on my bookshelf, you know we’ve got trouble, as I've heard each of those phrases above way too many times lately.

I picked up that book last summer when I was working a lot of shifts at The Shelter and wanted to learn more about how to parent, as I found although I have no children of my own, that I’m often in situations, either with the families I’m really close to who have little kids or babysitting or working with the kids at The Shelter, that I’m often needed to parent.

While these children bring me an incredible amount of joy in my life, I took for granted that the family I’m closest to and have been around for the last 7 years, the Ingalls, have ridiculously well behaved children. Being around OTHER children now, my parenting skills are being tested to the limit, yet I’m getting a glimpse deeper into the human condition.

Bedtime is always the litmus test. It was my second time babysitting for a family in which I’ve gotten to know well in the last year. There is no sugarcoating this one, the kids are a challenge. By the end of the night I’m at wits end and have tried everything.

After four unsuccessful attempts to put the rowdiest one in the bunch to bed, I tried a new approach.

I could hear his footsteps tip toeing down the hall again and I waited for him calmly in the living room.

He came in, I ask why he’s out of bed.

“I just can’t sleep!” He laments as he flings himself backwards onto the armchair. This is only an hour AFTER he was supposed to be asleep. (This is where pride gets you lol, as I had recently been proud of the fact I'm normally able to get the kids to be no problem.)

I tell him he has to, go through my spiel again, then decide we’re going to talk. I look him square in the eye and give him his options, I start by saying, Here’s your options (a technique I read in Boundaries with Kids)

He interrupts with something that nearly made me laugh because he was so in distress,

“I HAVE NO OPTIONS,” he cries as he throws his hands up in frustration.

“I can’t sleep, so I’m just going to have to stay up. I have no choice! There is no other option!”

Of which he is convinced.

And, in his limited perspective and world, this was very much true. He could see no other options available. And I was seemingly standing in his way of him getting what he wanted even though I was desperately trying to get him to realize I was trying to do what was best for him.

After he went to bed, I was trying to figure out why I was so frustrated.

I realized all night, after bedtime was announced, I was in an all out battle with them to listen to me. I just desperately waned them to cooperate. Yet they fought tooth and nail, with everything in them, to get what they wanted and thought they needed. I suddenly became the adversary in their mind and they had to plead their case. They knew what was right, they knew what they needed and I was only trying to mean, obviously.

No, I wish you guys could see, I later thought. I realized I had spent so much time and energy fighting against them to give them what they needed, not what they wanted.

It was so frustrating because they misunderstood my actions (putting them to bed instead of letting them stay up all night) and felt I only wanted them to be miserable.

Sounding familiar yet?

So they kept demanding.

The assertion of our selfhood starts young.

Man, how children make this so crystal clear.

The more I am around children, the more I understand the gravity of sin and how in my limited perspective, I can think I know better or see more of how things should be... than God. Ouch.

I see it so plainly, God uses them to teach me so much, of his beauty and of our humanity. I see sin in its essence so clearly, as Tozer describes it,

“Sin has many manifestations but its essence is one. A moral being, created to worship before the throne of God, sits on the throne of his own selfhood and from that elevated position declares, “I AM.” That is sin in its concentrated essence; yet because it is natural it appears to be good.”

I wrote ouch or yikes several times in this chapter, as a few weeks ago when I had those experiences and was going through this chapter coincidently, I could see my own sin so clearly, thanks to the children in my life. Oh how I do the same thing with God daily. Oh how I say the same things in my heart, sometimes, unaware. The assertion of self is so subtle because it seems so natural to us. This breaks my heart. It breaks the heart of God. Just as these kids kept breaking my heart because they didn’t trust.

They don’t trust me!

When I realized this, the connections kept flowing.

They won’t listen to me because they don’t trust that I have their best interest at heart.

They don’t trust my love.

They don’t know if they can trust me yet, therefore they can’t listen. They won’t obey. They don’t trust.

There were so many realizations I had with trust and obedience that night that are critical to this fight to dethroning ourselves.

We won’t love someone we don’t trust, and we won’t listen to someone we won’t trust. But all I wanted for them wasn’t just their obedience,

I wanted their trust…

I wanted them to know they could trust my love and that I was working for their good…

Every time I’m around kids, I feel like I understand more and more why people say you learn so much more about the Father’s love when you become a parent…

I can’t describe how much He taught me that night about His love and how much I can fight to believe it or trust it sometimes, not even knowing I am.

I’ve been seeing the weight of my own sin with almost disturbing clarity and wrestling with the weight of sin and its destructive nature in the lives of others around me. Sin is devastating in its effect.

Yet I’ve been experiencing the reality of these words, his kindness leads to repentance. He has loving and tenderly brought me to see my sin in broad daylight, where its me and Him and I have no one else to blame, allowed me to own it and his kindness, not harshness or condemnation has led me to repentance. It was so powerful. So freeing. So loving. I felt so protected. And I felt so loved. To experience His loving corrective nature when so many times I’ve misunderstood this as punitive, I’ve been able to realize and see how He feels when I constantly assert my own way, consciously or not, as I experienced the same frustration with some of the challenges with theses children babysitting or kids recently at the Shelter. I got only a glimpse, only a fraction of what He must feel. But they have been powerful lessons and powerful pulls deeper into His heart.

Here’s more on the theology of sin, from Tozer:

“In this utter dependence of all things upon the creative will of God lies the possibility for both holiness and sin. One of the marks of God’s image in man is his ability to exercise moral choice. The teachings of Christianity is that man chose to be independent of God and confirmed his choice by deliberately disobeying a divine command. This act violated the relationship that normally existed between God and His creature; it rejected God as the ground of existence and threw man back upon himself. Thereafter he became not a planet revolving around the central Sun, but a sun in his own right, around which everything else must revolve.

A more positive assertion of selfhood could not be imagined than those words of God to Moses: I AM THAT I AM. Everything God is, everything that is God, is set forth in t he unqualified declaration of independent being. Yet in God, self is not sin but the quintessence of all possible goodness, holiness and truth.

The natural man is a sinner because and only because he challenges God’s selfhood in relation to his own. In all else he may willingly accept the sovereignty of God; in his own life he rejects it. For him, God’s dominion ends where his begins.

For him, self becomes Self, and in this unconsciously imitates Lucifer, that fallen son of the morning who said in his heart, “I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God. . . . I will be like the Most High.”

Yet so subtle is self that scarcely anyone is conscious of its presence. Because man is born a rebel, he is unaware that he is one. His constant assertion of self, as far as he thinks of it at all, appears to him a perfectly normal thing. He is willing to share himself, sometimes even to sacrifice himself for a desired end, but never to dethrone himself. No matter how far down the scale of social acceptance he may slide, he is still in his own eyes a king on a throne, and no one, not even God, can take that throne from him. (Another ouch.)

Sin has many manifestations but its essence is one. A moral being, created to worship before the throne of God, sits on the throne of his own selfhood and from that elevated position declares, “I AM.

That is sin in its concentrated essence; yet because it is natural it appears to be good. It is only when in the gospel the soul is brought before the face of the Most Holy One without the protective shield of ignorance that the frightful moral incongruity is brought home to the conscience… “Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?”

This “What shall we do?” is the deep heart cry of every man who suddenly realizes that he is a usurper and sits on a stolen throne.

… “Purity of the heart is to will one thing,” said Kierkegaard, and we may with equal truth turn this about and declare, “The essence of sin is to will one thing,” for to set our will against the will of GOD is to dethrone God and make ourselves supreme in this little kingdom of Mansoul. That is sin at its evil root. Sins may multiply like the sands by the seashore, but they are yet one…

To save us completely Christ must reverse the bent of our nature; He must plant a new principle within us so that our subsequent conduct will spring out of a desire to promote the honor of God and the good of our fellow men. The old self-sins must die, and the only instrument by which they can be slain is the cross.

“If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me,” said our Lord, and years later the victorious Paul could say, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me.”

- Tozer