the reality of naked trust

"In the arc of my unremarkable life, wherein the victories have been small and personal, the trials fairly pedestrian, and the failures large enough to deeply wound me and those I love, I have repeated endlessly the pattern of falling down and getting up, falling down and getting up.

Each time I fall, I am propelled to renew my efforts by a blind trust in the forgiveness of my sins from sheer grace, in the acquittal, vindication, and justification of my ragged journey based not on good deeds I have done (the approach taken by the Pharisee in the temple) but on an unflagging trust in the love of a gracious and merciful God.

When Rosalyn and I married, we were both unemployed. My ministry had been shut down in the Catholic Church, and I was virtually unknown in other ecclesial communities. Offers to preach the gospel went a-begging, and the knock on the door never came.

Our story is perhaps a paradigm for every trusting disciple.

The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment.

The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.

Why?

Because God has signaled the moments and offered it his presence and his promise.

Of course there were days when I was afraid, when my heart sank and my body trembled, when I felt muddled and befuddled, when I felt like a bewildered child alone and lost in the dark night, hearing strange and frightening noise, put simply, there were days when anxiety and uncertainty prevailed. Then out of nowhere came a calm, reassuring voice, “Do not be afraid, I am with you.”

The biggest obstacle on my journey of trust has been an oppressive sense of insecurity, inadequacy, inferiority, and low self-esteem. . . .

In order to grow in trust, we must allow God to see us and love us precisely as we are. The best way to do that is through prayer.

As we pray, the unrestricted love of God gradually transforms us.

We open ourselves to receive our own truth in the light of God’s truth. The Spirit opens our eyes to see what really is, to pierce through the illusions so that we can discover we are seen by God with a gaze of love."

:: Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust