// your love shines //

"For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light, we see light."

:: psalm 36:9

.:: a new day

.::Behold, I am the Lord, your God, the One who has called you from the wilderness, behold, the Lord your God who is making all things new::.

..somewhere you feel free..

"you belong somewhere you feel free."

Last Sunday was an absolutely beautiful day. Some pictures of the time and place where God met me, during one of my beloved walks down our street. A place where I felt and have since been free.

.:god is plotting for your joy:.

This is a place where God met me last week. One of my favorite spots on our street and in a walk I will never forget. This time last week, well, really Sunday, I wasn't planning on leaving town the next day for our staff conference. I had been looking forward to going, my first time since being on staff I would be able to go, as the first spring once I was released from support-raising, the conference was just a month into dealing with my illness.

But, this year was different. This year, while I am still dealing with my health issues, I was in a much different place. I was actually excited to go, but that all began to change over the course of the weekend.

I had a lot of momentum for several new projects I was excited to start up and had plans for getting those going over the course of the week, including tackling one of my biggest fears, my prayer letter. I also was super excited to work on garage sale stuff and couldn't wait to get some work done on that all last week. Then there's all that is going on with my health and our finances as a result, and slowly more and more it just didn't seem to make sense for me to go. It just didn't seem practical.

So, I had peace about not going and knew with the things going on I had permission not to go, and even told a couple people at church Sunday I wouldn't be leaving with them in the morning.

I thought I had peace about it. Then, I get home, take my camera down the street to get a couple pics of the headband I wore to church, when I wasn't but a few steps away from our house when I realized the real reason I had gone for my walk.

Once again, God wanted to meet with me. I can't really describe what it is that happens when I enter my street. It is like my soul is transported to this place where only He can speak with me. A place where He alone dwells.

My soul gets lost in this beautiful place that no matter how many times I've seen it, takes my breath away. I started going one way, then turned around and headed toward the direction of this side of the street shown here. I soon realized I was having to face the real reasons why I wasn't going anymore. Soon He uncovered and led me to this place where I could voice my fears.

I soon realized I was being asked to trust Him. Do you, will you trust me? He lovingly asked as I realized more and more, my reasons for not going were all deeply rooted in what I thought I needed and MY plans and what I saw for my week, yet I was being asked to trust in all that was unseen. I remember the moment when I realized, He was asking me to trust Him, trust Him that I needed to go, simply because He wanted me to go. 

I couldn't know, I couldn't see, but I knew there was something He wanted me to experience there, and wanted me to trust Him that even though I felt I had all these things to do at home this week, that there was a reason why He wanted me to go.

I remember turning back after enjoying the beautiful weather and afternoon last Sunday, walking back and knowing I was going. All I knew was that He wanted me to go. I didn't have to understand it or know why, but I could trust Him. Trust in His character and His heart and love for me and be filled a peace that said, "I will be with you."

I remember telling someone on the drive up, that all I knew was God wanted me to go, spoke to me that it would be good for my heart, but now looking back, I could not have imagined all I would be given.

One of my dear friend's prayed this verse over me and it is something I was reminded of as we drove home and I was looking at pictures on my phone, seeing in them something different, something only my heart knew and recognized, something that truly spoke to me on levels to which only He knows as I saw and this strange thing I recognized in nearly every photo, places of where He had met me.

With my friend, Sharon, who is on staff with Texas A&M, we met at Colorado LT in 2006

New friend, Mary-Catherine, she's about to start raising support to go on staff with Illinois State and bought one of our flowers!

Found me a baby!! ;) New friends I met after one of the main sessions after me and this precious little one were making fun faces during the talk!

LT 2006 reunion! Buds from Bowling Green, Illinois State and A&M!

Got to meet one of the girls' boyfriends for the first time! Greg is dating Lindsay, a former Rock girl who now lives in Texas and is about to finish grad school at A&M and Greg is on staff with Texas State! Just a bit of a height difference ;)

I also got to meet Brandon, fiance' of one of my friends I met at an MTD (support-raising) followup conference, Jenna! She's on staff at Virginia Tech and is marrying a guy on staff with Ball State next month and Mazvita's Angels is making flowers for the bride and each of her bridesmaids, we are so honored to get to be a part of such a beautiful wedding!!

And my new friend, Suzie, she's on staff with U of I! Modeling one of our headbands!

"God is plotting for your joy." He has and He will. I remember when that verse was prayed over me. It was a year into being sick, in a women's small group, and those were words I desperately wanted to be true, but the thought of ever experiencing joy, true joy, ever again, seemed like a distant memory. Something I'd once had, but wasn't sure I would experience again. Something I would have never known I'd experience again to this degree.

Yet once again, I am reminded that joy and sorrow can often and do co-exist. In the last three years, I have learned there is a joy we can experience in the midst of our deepest heartaches and pains that I do not have words to describe, but that is truly God-given. A hope in the midst of despair, peace in uncertainty, life in the midst of ruins, and streams in the desert.

Our God is a God who provides.
One who provides so much more than we could ever ask for or imagine, One who provides far more than the material, seen, and tangible, One who is the true meeter and provider of all our needs.

My God who has anything but forgotten, nor forsaken me.

My God who is a God who provides.

"Yes, you are my Jehovah Jireh;
my God of great faithfulness,
my God of unfailing, everlasting love."