CONTINUED FROM... waiting in hope, pt. 1:
Anyway, as I was saying, as I was trying to figure out some of the weight of what I was feeling this morning and continuing to wrestle with some I have known I've needed to do for a while, but all of why it is so outside of my comfort zone and my deep resistance and unwillingness to face some of those things as well as what has felt like a “final embrace” relating to my story and the journey of my life the last 20 or so months, the first few words of this verse kept coming to mind, “we wait in hope..." (psalm 33:20)
As I began searching through the psalms for it, I continued to think about why those words affect me so. Why do they capture and reflect so much that is within my heart but that I have not found the words to accurately express.
I think it is because, as Hoops talked about last night, faith has an object.
When we hope or when we place our faith in the Lord, we are not submitting ourselves to “blind faith” or making this “leap” of faith into the unknown.
No, we are simply placing our trust and fixing our eyes not on ourselves, not on our situation or circumstances, but on the One who IS FAITHFUL.
The One in whom our hearts can hope. Hope and never be disappointed or put to shame.
We do not wait or hope in vain.
My hope is in the power of the One true, the living God, who is here, who is good, who is faithful, and who is powerful. Strong and mighty. Mighty to save.
The One whom alone holds the very words of life. Who with just the sound of His voice called this earth into existence, created the heavens, calms the stormy seas.
I LOVE the words... “we wait in hope...”
For in waiting, as a people of God, waiting does not mean we just sit idly by.
Waiting is not passive, but active. Waiting requires trusting.
Trusting in the midst of uncertainty, something to which we are all called to, as Hoops said, “Uncertainty is common to us all. We all live with uncertainties...
We all live with maybes, not yets, and I don't knows...”
And that tension, as he described, that tension to which we live in, the tension of all that is uncertain in our lives, is not to be avoided or ignored, but to be embraced.
For I believe it is there we are called to die and rise again to new life. I believe it is there we are stripped away from all we once held dear, but count now as lost. I believe it is there that we discover what it truly means to be alive, what it truly means to be living, “as the master cuts the cloth and re-weaves it to His design.” (Dan Allender, Wounded Heart)
It is there, here, in the midst of uncertainty that I have found life.
More life, more peace, more joy than when “grain and wine abounds.” Life independent of and not dictated by my circumstances or all that is going on in or around me.
Life that has drawn me deeper into a love relationship with my Father and Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, a life that is so much more than anything I could have found.
As Hoops was talking last night, every single one of his words captured the journey my life has taken these last 20 months. An incredibly personal experience lived for an audience of One, and one shared with none other than the great I AM.
The great I AM we encounter when we wander in the desert. In a dry and weary land, but find that we are not alone...
Realize that there is someone providing bread for each day, someone providing manna, someone providing sweet honey from a rock,
streams of living water, streams in the desert, someone who we find is sustaining and meeting our every need in the very lands we felt would have brought our ruin.
Someone who has come. Come that we may have life.
As Hoops was talking, it spoke to so much deep within my heart and what this journey has looked like for me, words that I have never felt I could just share aloud. Talking about faith is risky for me especially now because it can sound like something overly church, over-spiritual, and something that I am just saying or regurgitating because that is what Christians are supposed to do or say.
I find it risky especially in a situation where I cannot explain why I have this faith and hope in my God, a situation where I have often felt mocked or criticized or judged or looked down upon for my faith. Or had it interpreted as being in denial. But I know it doesn't make sense to maybe some, but the important thing is, it makes sense to me. And in my relationship with God.
I don't have to make others understand, because I can't nor do I have the power to do so nor is it my responsibility. I can't explain while even though the circumstances, yes, do suck, that THIS whole thing does not suck, for my God is with me and sometimes that alone is more than enough.
Hoops' words last night gave voice to much which I have felt ashamed of sharing, simply because of how many times it has been misunderstood. Yet, words that validated and spoke to and encouraged my heart and the battle I've been in.
How it is possible to have faith in the midst of uncertainty, believe in the power and sovereignty of love of our God even when everything in life seems to be spiraling out of control and our questions continue to go unanswered, and we are surrounded by heartache on every side.
As he was talking last night, it jogged my memory to another core theme in all of this... that there is so much more to life than having the security, the clarity and the certainty we all as humans deeply crave. The assurance. Answers. The understanding of it all we all think at one time or another we need.
