renewal

ummm.... way excited about this!

so starbucks comes in big for me today. i had about 20 min. to kill between appts. today and so i had a little extra time lingering by the counter waiting for my tall nonfat with whip white mocha... when this glorious poster caught my eye.

please tell me i didn't miss it.

cause this is always the case, this dance company is amazing, started up by the laurie clan but they have a bunch of way big choreographers that have made this company legit... and it is dance like nothing you've seen. first show made me cry.

it's this thursday and saturday. then, because i'm a loser, i went to the missouri theatre and asked if i could have a poster to post.

sure, they said.

lol, little did they know its for our fridge.

Anchored

It’s been a really good week. I feel it has something more to do with God continuing to strip more and more impurities from my heart and from my life and deepening my dependence on Him and being anchored in Him, than anything that has actually happened.

Somehow this is coloring everything.
This hope thing and being secure in the Lord.

Had a really hard conversation with someone I love dearly last night, yet had a couple other meetings planned after that and was joyful. I was teary in the car but it didn’t wreck my mood or my day.

The joy of the Lord is not contingent on circumstances.

I am experiencing what can only come from the grace of God, the security of knowing and being intimately known by Him. This week and a current theme in the last few months, I have been brought to a place of more and more freedom and peace each day.

I feel lighter.
I am happier.
I am excited.
Things that once bothered me now give me an opportunity to trust God with it. I am not tossed from side to side. He is grounding me. And I'm learning how much I don't have to do anything alone or in my own strength. He is the source of all I need.

My heart is hopeful. My heart is learning to trust and find rest in that security. I feel I’m undergoing a conversion of sorts. Learning what it truly means to live loved.

Hope and the certainty of God’s promises
Hebrews 6:9-20

"A small boat on the ocean rocks and bobs on the tide. When dark storm clouds roll in, it pulls and twists in violent winds. If it is not secured, it can easily drift away in calm waters, or suddenly be dashed in rocks in turbulence. Its anchor, however, holds it firm and keeps it safe. It may not be free from distress, but it is held by a deep and reliable source. So the soul, we now learn, is “firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:19) in the hope God has given to hold it steady."

9Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. 10God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

The Certainty of God's Promise

13When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, 14saying, "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants."[a] 15And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.
16Men swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. 17Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. 18God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. 19We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. - Hebrews 6:9-20

Life within those prison walls.

"These prison walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyways." – Shawshank Redemption

The saddest day is when you come to think you need the walls that imprison you…

Within these prison walls... Life is safer.

She cannot imagine that life is better out there. Yet I know the living hell she is living in. and I know what it looks like out here. I wish I could take her to see. How different life looks. How different life feels. Before I wonder if I was even living.

The thing is I step back into that prison every time I go there. That’s why I can never stay for long. I know how it slowly eats away at your soul.

And now I look at her and see hardly anything left of the person I once knew. She wanted to talk to me about a conversation with a lady from church.

“What did you tell her? I don’t know what she thinks is going on or what you told her, but it’s not that bad.”

I tell her what I told *Lori.

“*Well…” she takes a long pause as if to prepare me, "*Lori offered me a place to stay today with the *Turners.”

She looks at me expecting to see me surprised.

“And?”

I fire back immediately. A little too quick. A little too forcefully. She is still trying to wrap her mind around all of this and what it could mean.

I try to remember how deeply entrenched the denial is.

While I am perfectly comfortable with the truth of the situation, it is too confrontational to her. It is a truth she is not ready to accept. Life is safer in the image.

I wanted to empower her. But I get so frustrated. How is it I can empower others in her situation but when it comes to her, I break all the rules. I started telling her what she needed to do. Which was the last thing she needed.

For the first time someone has offered her a place to live. Someone finally is doing something. Someone other than me. Someone is finally unlocking the door and allowing her to see sun again. But she doubts it's really better out there.

But she doesn’t want to leave… if it was any other family she said… The *Turners are really close with the *Smiths, so you know what they will be saying...

She’s worried they will tell the *Smiths what is going on in our home.

“AND?”

I shot back again.

“What does it matter? When are you going to stop caring about what other people at church will think or say. Would you rather have them know that look things aren't perfect here, neither are they probably in their home and be free or work feverishly to maintain this image and be miserable the rest of your life.”

It was so hard but she has to have it in black in white because for whatever reason God uses me to speak things to her that I never plan on saying but are always what she needs to hear. But mostly, I want to lose it every time I talk with her. I fight so hard to help her see but to be gentle with her. But my emotions always get the best of me to where I have to say I can’t talk about it right now if she’s not ready to hear it.

I wish I could change her heart.

That’s what I realized when I came home later and realized I needed to be praying more for her.

I cannot change her mind. I cannot change her heart. I cannot change her perspective on the situation or the things that are holding her back. That is God’s job. Only He can do it. I can't fix it. This brings a frustration that ultimately throws me back onto the character of God and what I know to be true of His nature.

The walls she builds around herself are so thick and the barriers she puts between trusting other people are nearly impenetrable.

She questions their motives. She feels she is just the latest gossip piece. She doubts their hearts that they really want to help but want to make themselves look good.

So she would rather remain there in those prison walls, where at least she knows what to expect.

She spends another night alone in her room.

There are hardly signs of life left except her excitement for the election. I kinda wonder what will happen once the election is over and not occupying her time.

I wish I could show her what it’s like out here.

What it’s like on the other side of these walls.

She can see it.
But she doesn’t believe it.

I need to have more patience and compassion with her. Jesus help me do this. I can't on my own. Just as I do with other women I work with in her situation.

I know it takes a woman nearly seven attempts to successfully leave.
Why am I expecting her to be any different.
She faces the same challenges as a lot of these women.

But I’m way more emotionally invested and I’ve tasted and I’ve seen life beyond the cell. It breaks me in a way like nothing else. To see her life, yet see what I know her life could be. I wish she would trust the other people from church who are trying, who are stepping up and actually dealing with the issue. Lord, soften her heart and help her see.

For her to be free.

She is a prisoner of war. And I see signs of the Enemy's destruction all over. This is right where he wants Christians. Trapped. Shackled. Defenseless. And therefore ineffective because somewhere along the way the lies of who God really is became more real than the truth and we no longer believe he is who He says He is. So we remain captive. And the Enemy has us so tricked we think the prison is where we belong.

That's what it's like. I know first hand. The battle is real. The enemy is real. And the last thing he wants is for her to get out. Because it means it will be one more heart reclaimed and given back to who it belongs to, the Lord, our God.

She wasn't meant to be captive. To be a slave there.
A prisoner in her own home. In her own hell.

Lord, won’t you free her.

Will you bring more people to take part in the rescue. People she can trust. Will you break through.

Lord, won’t you come for her. Won’t you open her eyes to see, won’t you give her the courage she needs to trust you. To trust your heart for her. To trust there is life out there.

To trust you care and are coming for her.

Free her from life within those prison walls.

Lead her back to life in You.

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” – Shawshank Redemption

*names changed to protect confidentiality

Our Hope: the seed will produce fruit

“Progressive sanctification, that slow process of change into Christlikeness, means, in its simplest form, that we’ve already been made to be in Christ (our justification), we are growing to be in our practice (our sanctification).

This sanctification is nothing less than a guaranteed blossoming of the gospel seed that has been implanted within the soul of every born-again believer (1 Peter 1:23-25). It is not imitation of a personality alien to us, but rather it is the inward renovation of our souls by the power of the resurrected Christ who resides within us. Imagine a natural seed within your heart invisibly germinating, and then extending its tender roots, branching out and growing stronger, becoming more and more entrenched until it finally fills your entire soul. That’s what the seed of the gospel is like within you; it will reproduce the image of Jesus.”

- Because He Loves Me, Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

Be Who You Are, Part III

DECLARATION WITHOUT OBLIGATION

"In contrast to these moralists, the libertine is the Christian who’s heard something of God’s grace in Christ but hasn’t grasped the fact that God’s grace, when it’s really there, will eventuate in a changed life… The grace of God trains us to renounce ungodliness, live temperate, godly lives, and in the life of his beloved ones he rules with sovereign grace, mercy and love. But we mustn’t assume that his grace trumps the expectation that we should be holy, for he is holy and his Holy Spirit indwells us. Yes, God is sovereign over our sanctification, but recognition of that truth doesn’t excuse us from zealously pursuing it.

KEEPING DECLARATION AND OBLIGATION TOGETHER

The imperative, “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,” is framed by and anchored to the indicative, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Let me reiterate that we must firmly hold to the truth that God’s command to “work” is impossible to obey unless he has already worked in us the desire to work—the “willing”—and the ability to work— the “doing”—but the command to work is there, nevertheless.

Here, quite plainly, “the work of God is the incentive for the work of man.” Pula doesn’t contrast the work of God with the work of man, but rather says that all our work is possible only because God has already worked in us. So, who’s working? Does God work or man work? The answer, in accord with the astounding logic of heaven, is a resounding yes. Because God has said that he has given us a new heart with new motives and a new ability to work, we are wholeheartedly to pursue holiness, always assuming that it is God’s will that we obey him. ..

This perspective frees us and gives us confidence in our eventual sanctification because God says that he continues to, by his Spirit, makes us both willing and able to do the good he has ordained for us to do. This is what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. My faith tells me that Christ is in me. I am assured that the resurrected, ascended Lord dwells right now within my mortal body, and therefore I have the confidence I need to continue to pursue imitation of the unseen Christ…

We can boldly pursue godly living because he has given us the grace we need to do so…

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” 1 Cor. 15:10

Paul says that he worked harder than any of the other apostles. It was actually Paul who preached, who traveled, who suffered hardship. But it was also the grace of God in him that was motivating and energizing the work… Paul said that he “worked harder” than anyone else but he knew that it was really “the grace of God” that was working in him.

This is our hope, and it’s not some pathetic wish.

It’s a joyful confidence in his power to transform. In fact, he is so sure of our sanctification that he speaks of it as thought it had already happened: “We have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all” (Heb. 10:10, see also 1 Cor. 1:2, 30, 6:11).

God’s purpose in our redemption isn’t simply our justification; it is our complete transformation.”

- Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me

Be Who You Are, Part II

One of the best things she does in this book is spend a whole lot of time reminding us of what God in his love has already accomplished in us. She says she’s done this because,

“I think that’s where most serious Christians fail; and because they fail to hold close these marvelous truths, their obedience becomes a burdensome exercise in self-improvement….

‘The point here is that the indicative does not describe a reality that exists by itself, one to with a heart for the imperative [automatically] … follows as a subsequent, presumably detachable addition.’

We cannot assume that a constant consideration of the gospel will automatically eventuate in holy living, or why would the writers of the New Testament, whose lives were robustly tethered to the gospel, have written so much by way of the imperative? The wonderful pronouncements God has made about us cannot and must not be disconnected from the wonderful expectations he has of us. In other words, gospel-declaration must not be severed from gospel-obligation. Not that we must now throw away all thought of God’s grace and “get to work.” No, but neither should we throw away all thought of our obligations to ponder his declarations only. The full teaching of the New Testament seems plain on this topic: the declarations of the gospel are unavoidably tied to the obligations of the gospel.

I’ve told you that both gospel-declarations (indicatives) and gospel-obligations (imperatives) are essential to our growth in becoming the people we already are. Let me give you two examples of how this truth my play out in our daily lives.

OBLIGATION WITHOUT DECLARATION

In my experience, this is where most serious-minded believers get off track. In our desire to live lives that are pleasing to God, it’s easy to forget that sanctification (our change into Christlikeness) is, as the Westminster Divines wrote, “an act of God’s grace.” It is an act of God’s grace because his work in us is prior to anything holy blossoming from us, either from our actions or the motives that prompt them. Our obedience is entirely the result of the seed he has planted in us and the work of the Spirit through us. I doubt many of us would disagree with this statement in theory, but I wonder if we embrace it as intentionally as we should. Our sanctification is from God alone who has “made us pure and holy” (I Cor. 1:30 NLT) through Jesus Christ. “God’s work in salvation… never absorbs or invalidates man’s work, but arouses and stimulates it and gives it meaning.”

A skewed perspective on God’s activity in our sanctification will result in an overemphasis on outward conformity to the imperatives. It will breed one of two categories of moralism. The first is what I’m calling the Happy Moralist.

The Happy Moralist is the person who thinks that his holiness pretty much rests on his own efforts but isn’t worried because he has reduced God’s commands for outward conformity to simplistic rules like don’t drink, don’t chew, don’t run with them that do, or any of a thousand outward commands that don’t engage the heart.

If avoiding certain external behaviors, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch,” is all God demands of us, then we can be happy with our righteousness and, while we’re at it, it’ll be easy to be judgmental and look down on others, too.

Of course the problem that the Happy Moralist must face is that all of his conformity to mere external regulations is of “no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (Col. 2:23). The sinful heart is never transformed by conformity to the imperatives but only by relationship with the One who cleanses hearts. All of the Happy Moralist’s external law keep doesn’t touch the source of his sin—the desires of his heart. In fact, his self-styled successes only serve to make him blind to his weaknesses and proud of his accomplishments. The rich young ruler was a Happy Moralist until he met the Christ who decimated his self-esteem and showed him his need…

Now let me introduce to you the Sad Moralist. This is the person who understands the profound depth of God’s demands: to love him with all that we are, to love our neighbor as ourselves. He sees that true holiness is not a matter of mere externals, and in this he is right; but he is also crushed by the depth of his inability to even begin to achieve the righteousness God requires. His conscience always accuses him, he wonders about his salvation, he is over-punctilious about every thought, scrupulous to a fault; he rehearses his failures over and over in his mind, is overwrought with guilt and wonders about the joy and rest other Christians seem to have…

Like the Happy Moralist, this unhappy soul will continually be tempted to fall into self-indulgence, perhaps spending hours and hours and introspection, self-recrimination, and what might be called depression or anxiety. He’ll compare his walk with others and instead of looking down on them, he’ll look down on himself. He is the overwrought Christian who claims to know God’s grace but never finds the freedom to serve Christ from grateful obedience, because he believes his obedience is never perfect enough. He needs to see that Jesus is greater than his sin, greater than his opinion of himself. He needs the humility that a true embracing of God’s sovereignty over his sanctification produces.

Both the happy and sad moralist must continually focus and refocus their life on the benefits the Lord has given them in Christ."

- Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me

Be Who You Are, Part I

I’m participating in a women’s study of this book and this morning was floored at how the gospel is intersecting in all of our lives in real and powerful ways, in the mundane, everyday decisions to big life-changing decisions, the larges stones of unbelief being rolled away. Now we’re in part two of this book: How God’s Love transforms our life.

(Part One was How God’s Love transforms our identity.) I love this exercise of how the gospel directly intersects with our daily lives, as she beautiful explains imperatives and indicatives in scripture. Basically, broken down in my non-theologian English, an indicative is a fact, an imperative is a command.

From Elyse Fitzpatrick's Because He Loves Me:

"Please remember your growth in holiness is firmly bound to your appreciation of the gospel and God’s love, for it is only an appreciation of his love that can motivate genuine obedience. Outward obedience can be and frequently is generated by other motives, such as the fear of failure or desire for approval, but this kind of obedience (which isn’t obedience at all) only results in pride, despair, or self-indulgence and, because it is done out of love for self, more sin.

The Indicative and the Imperative… What?

What we’re going to discuss now can be summarized in the simple phrase “Be who you are.” When theologians talk about the two categories we’re about to discuss, sometimes they use these words: the indicative and the imperative… When I use the term indicative I’m talking about what has already been indicated or declared about you. The indicative informs us of an accomplished fact. Here’s an indicative statement: “God in Christ has forgiven you.”

On the other hand, the imperative comes to us in the form of a command or direction. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul gives us this command: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another.” The New Testament is filled with the imperative: we’re commanded to live changed lives.

The beautiful balance between the indicative (who you are in Christ) and the imperative (who you’re becoming in Christ) is perfectly demonstrated in the verse we’ve been considering. The entire verse reads, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Can you see how the imperative, “Be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving,” is firmly anchored in the indicative, “you’re forgiven in Christ”? This verse demonstrates a beautiful synergy that not only tells us what to do, but also plants within our souls the only motive that will empower God-pleasing compliance: what God has already done. We’ve already been forgiven in Christ. So many of cavalierly gloss over what he has done and zero in on what we’re to do, and that shift, thought it might seem slight, makes all the difference in the world. Our obedience has its origin in God’s prior action, and forgetting what truth results in self-righteousness, pride, and despair.

In some cases, the New Testament writers couple indicative statements with both negative and positive imperatives, in other words, commands to stop doing one thing and to start doing another. For instance, we might read this kind of a statement: Because such-and-such is true about you (the indicative), you should put off this kind of behavior (the negative imperative) and put on this kind of behavior in its place (the positive imperative). Let me give you an example of this from Colossians 3:

If then you have been raised with Christ [the indicative], seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above [a positive imperative], not on things that are on earth [a negative imperative]. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory [the indicative]. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you [a negative imperative]….Put on then [a positive imperative], as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved [the indicative], compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other [a positive imperative]; as the Lord has forgiven you [the indicative], so you also must forgive [a positive imperative]. (Vv. 1-5, 12-13).

Through the use of this indicative/imperative paradigm, I trust that the relationship between who you already are and how he has called you to live has become clearer to you that it will be a tool you’ll be able to use to study Scripture in the future."

- Elyse Fitzpatrick is a staff counselor at Grace Church in San Diego and holds a Master's in biblical counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary. She is a retreat and conference speaker, has nearly twenty years in biblical counseling experience and has authored nearly a dozen books. She is also the head of Women Helping Women Ministries.

(re)focus

This post should really be called "Why I love JR'S blog."

I love to read but I also love to write. But sometimes you have something to say that you don't have the words to express. Well once again, he just put it in a nutshell on his blog. Lol I think it's funny I kinda stalk his blog, I've never met him but a lot of my good friends know him and he's a vital part of GCM and church planting. It's cool now to read his blog though after meeting some friends at staff training who are a part of his Hollywood church he's talking about below, getting to hear about more of the inner workings of their ministry makes this post even more relevant and exciting to me.

I feel God has been bringing a lot of refocusing in my life. And as a result there has been more and more inner peace. I feel He is opening my eyes to see in sharper and sharper focus the things He is desiring to do here in Columbia, our city and our church. I hung out with a friend who is also going on staff with our church yesterday and he captured a lot of what I have been feeling as well that God is moving and stirring and preparing to do big things here, that something beautiful and way bigger than we even know about is happening, under the surface right now, but then will explode. lol in a good way. Each day I am more and more blessed to be living the dream and I feel God wants to use this time to refine and refocus the vision He's calling me to more and more, as a person and then as a church. I am so excited for how God is doing this in the lives of our staff team right now, with the 5 of us raising support right now and those who are still on campus, God is poking and stirring and moving us deeper and deeper in relationship with Him and His heart for His people.I am blessed to be on a team with such amazing people wholeheartedly staked on the mission of God.

Here's what JR has to say:

"Having just celebrated our fifth year here at Kairos Los Angeles, Kairos Hollywood (one of three congregations) is looking forward to having a refocusing time as a faith community. There are a few reasons why we are going through this process. First, we are in the process of giving birth to our third neighborhood congregation this next year. It will be in South LA. So with West LA already birthed, Kairos Hollywood can start to consider her local mission more acutely. Secondly, the majority of our congregation in Hollywood is made up of people we met in LA, so they have an opportunity to help shape the future. Third it gives us the opportunity to freshly hear from God about how to join Him in bring more of heaven to earth. Fourth, we can refocus in light of what we have learned about our context, and finally it is always good to go through a refocusing process every three to five years. Before I go on, let me mention that much of what I am going to share in this particular post is adapted from a teaching by Terry Walling when he was teaching a Doctor of Ministry class at Fuller Theological Seminary.

So what does it mean to refocus?

It is about setting aside specific moments for ministry leaders to listen to God, discern his leading and clarify their future. There are three basic steps to refocusing.

1. Assessing: Where have we been?

2. Discovering: Where are we going?

3. Implementing: How are we going to get there?

What are the essentials of refocusing?
* Recognizing that God is at work and has been at work in building His church* God’s invitation is for us to join Him in His work* This is a time to surrender to God’s invitation
What is the desired outcome of refocusing?
* Our call is not to invent a future, our call is to discover what God is doing* Our call is to align ourselves with His purposes* Our challenge is to lay down our rival kingdoms and anything that threatens to keep us from participating in the expansion of God’s kingdom

God’s first call to His church is not to action, but to surrender."

- JR Woodward

Stop and look

“Stop tinkering with your soul and look away to the perfect One.” - A.W. Tozer

So I wrote this this morning in bible study and am wanting to post a lot more when time allows on this awesome chapter in a book we’re studying. This is probably the first book in a long time I've read that I haven't cared much for, but now on chapter 7, things are starting to resonate... But for now, after an hour long discourse on faith in the bible study group this morning, I wrote my most simplified conclusion in my book:

Faith is a constant moment by moment, circumstance by circumstance

choice

of where to turn my gaze

Myself and my circumstances and trying with all my might to figure out a solution on my own, rely on myself, trying to solve the problem

or to God…

Who will I depend on?
Who or what will I trust?
Who or what will I choose to believe?

“Faith is simply believing God.” – Francis Schaeffer

A.W. Tozer wrote, “Faith is the gaze of the soul upon a saving God… Faith is the least self-regarding of the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existsnec. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object on upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all.”

Running

I feel like I’m in a five-day race and I’m trying to remember to breathe. A race against time.Trying to juggle support raising, appointments, phone calls, sending emails, trying to get my prayer letters done and packets stuffed, having every 30 hr. block of the day from leaving the house at 8:45 am to coming home after 9 p.m. every day this week. Everything God’s been teaching me about peace and relying on Him is the saving grace that is bringing me through. Only He can give us the strength we need to face our lives. Only He is the One we can depend on.

Running.

Of course the busiest appt week so far also falls on the week of our big Rock alumni homecoming event which I’m coordinating. So finding out the rsvp count tonight and the number of kids we anticipated are indeed coming. after hearing from the girl I put in charge of childcare we only have two sitters signed up besides her to help and telling her we will need to call ppl individually tomorrow cause we have 20 kids rsvp’d, all but 6 of them under the age of 15 months lol. We've only been email students to volunteer for the last month and a half but people don't commit that far out, even the last couple of weeks response was slow for getting current students to help with the alumni event. Then the photog finally heard back from him today. The band is good to go even though I haven’t gotten final word on payment. And a ton of other details that were things you can only do the week of something, that I’m trying to schedule time to deal with on Thursday in between appts nearing the end of marathon week lol.

Then juggling those things with trying to schedule appts for next week and get my prayer letter written and dealing with housing complications.

But I’m feeling good is the weird thing. I’m not worried. Lol. Esp. in the midst of support raising, it’s easy to have faith for anything to happen like volunteers coming together, when you’re in the battle of moment to moment living by faith for God to build the team. I’ve had more incredible conversations in the last 48 hours than I have time to record. Which is sad because I want to journal privately about people’s stories and the cool and amazing relationships God is building.

I need like an extra day built in between today and Wednesday. but the good thing is when i get busy it's easy to start buying into this illusion of control and the biggest way to combat that is simply turning our gaze.

and just remember to breathe.

"i will give rest to israel." - God

The Dancer

The Dancer believes that his art has something to say which cannot be expressed in words or in any other way than by dancing... There are times when the simple dignity of movement can fulfill the function of a volume of words. There are movements which impinge upon the nerves with a strength that is incomparable, for movement has power to stir the senses and emotions, unique in itself. This is the dancer's justification for being, and his reason for searching further for deeper aspects of his art.— Doris Humphrey (1895-1958)

a hidden part of my soul has been recovered and brought back to life. there are always points in my life where i have to accept the fact that i will not be able to dance. in these times i have to make sure i make it a point to stretch and work out somewhat regularly in the confines of my room or my living room when all the roommates are away. but it's not the same.

i've recently become friends with a lady who teaches voice at a local liberal arts college and on the weekends she does "art therapy." this is a popular phenomenon that one of the biggest ways to transform the lives of "troubled" youth is to teach them an art form. the art has a way of reaching down deep inside us and allowing us to express the otherwise hidden, unseen parts of who we are. it becomes a creative outlet for these youth and provides a healthy alternative to coping with some of the hardships they've endured.

in the "inner city" this art therapy finds its place in the rise of street crews that break dance or krump.

i cannot explain why but i was made to dance. i'm reminded of this everytime i fight myself and make myself dance to relieve stress and then find suddenly all is well with the world again or when i get to dance and teach a class like i did last night. someone once said that our lives are lived forward and understood backward. as i look back at my life, dance was a current thread weaving in and out of the events of my life, an experience God allowed me develop in some of the hardest parts of my life. God was always there. and he provided a way for me to escape through the world of dance. it was a way of feeling totally connected to who i truly am. and as i look back, seeing how dance allowed to survive in some of the environments i experienced.

it gave me hope before i knew there was a god.

it was the only place i felt free. special. and that i had something to offer. and that my life was a gift. i feel dance was one of the first ways I connected with God, even though I didn't know it yet. And now, dance is still that place where I can truly worship, just by doing it. i had accepted the fact that "my time was over" and that the next time i would dance or teach would be little girls when i have kids or a teaching little girls if i were to be at a community church in a few years, or a class for kids at a women's shelter. two years ago was the last time i dance full force with our dance ministry at my church and in colorado LT. the missing piece to rebuilding dance ministry was i needed other girls who could help me choreograph and lead the ministry.

i knew i didn't have the time to do it solo and my friend i started dance ministry with and led with for years has moved. so i've just been praying about it. this summer i found out a girl who just finished her freshman year is a dancer. she teaches at a studio in town and was busting a move with me and olivia at our church 4th of July picnic. BUSTED. lol. but for some reason i still was waiting.

then a couple weeks ago, a girl who is a freshman this year facebooked me and said, "hey rumor on the street, you are a dancer... i've been looking for a studio in columbia and a place to dance, do you know of any?!" i ended up seeing her later that night at our friend melissa's engagement party and she asked me if i had gotten the message. then i said no, i hadn't been on a computer all afternoon. she gets this look on her face and then tells me. screams follow. we talk and then i tell her a secret little idea some girls and i have had.

i tell her about dance ministry and how we all miss it but what we're looking for the rebuild.

then i tell her about how the one dance team tradition we still were doing was watching so you think you can dance. we continued our watch parties in the summer and added america's best dance crew, and then had such a blast with it this summer we continued it this fall. it's been great to hang with a group of girls interested in dance, but our motivation in that was to evolve back into dance ministry. so we were wanting to start informal dance workout times to just have fun and train. she was really excited about this so the next day we sent out a message and made it happen.

last sunday amanda, hannah and i met to choreograph and work on combos for the first week and last night was the first one. it's great to enjoy this as a gift, something that isn't necessary, something that every season of life won't have, but such a blessing when it is.

my roommate said she had never seen me like this. during the day as i was working on the combo to teach and when i came back. then i realized she has never seen me dance or known me when i am dancing.

my soul is set free.

- photo courtesy of the alvin ailey dance theatre

one thing

Psalm 27:4

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

Calling forth a generation to pursue one thing: Jesus.

Streams in the Desert: A Tree that Flourishes

I'm starting a new series called "Streams in the Desert," based on the title of a devotional that has some powerful truths for weary travelers on this journey we call the Christian life. I am finding a new strength in the last couple of months from these streams, the promises of God and God himself I've encountered in the desert. This first post of the series features the beginning of it all at a women's ministry kickoff last month and then I will post random devotionals or verses that have been life-giving streams to me in this once parched land. I feel He has come and nourished my soul, providing living springs where there was once desert.

Psalm 1:1-3. Blessed is the man/woman who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his/her delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he/she meditates day and night. He/She is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he/she does prospers.

Jeremiah 17:7-8. But blessed is the man/woman who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He/She will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

I learned from the speaker that day that these two passages depict two different streams. (I've shared my answers from my reflection that day and answers provided in the teaching below in italics but feel free to reflect on these questions on your own)

What is the stream in the first passage? Here the stream represents the Word of God… “her delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law she meditates day and night.” The word is feeding it [the tree] constantly… as the tree remains planted near it. Here is the critical point, we must realize we are firmly planted near the source, even in seasons where it seems we are in dry lands.

What is the stream in the second passage? Here the stream represents God himself, our Source. The tree drinks deeply and their soul is nourished, even in times of no rain… and it always bears fruit. We can be thriving women, in every season…

Prayerfully reread the Jeremiah passage and answer the questions below.

Who is the blessed man/woman in this passage? The one whose confidence is in the Lord… who trusts the Lord despite the circumstances… who doesn’t forget the Lord in times of difficulty or drought and freak out that they have got to figure it out on their own… but who sends its roots by the stream, whose roots drink deeply from the Lord.

This woman can drink deeply, even when there is no rain.

What does the passage say about?

The roots-
Sends its roots by the stream… reaches out to the life-giving source… our thirsty souls… to be fed daily by being close to the Lord, to drink deeply… planted by the water.

The leaves –
Its leaves are always green… despite the season, despite the circumstances

The fruit –
Always bearing fruit, even in times of drought or difficulty

The stream –
The stream is what is sustaining it.

Draw a picture of the tree described in the passage in Jeremiah. Then we had to draw ourselves as the tree. Then they asked the following questions. How would you draw YOU as a tree right now at this point in your life (basing it on your spiritual health or state right now? What is the health, or “flourishing” of your tree? Are we next to it? Are we connected to it? Are we flourishing? Do we feel we are withering? What is the promise found in both of these passages? What do we need to do in order to receive this promise?

We did this exercise in a bible study in a women’s ministry I’m a part of. It was powerful. I mean, how many of us can relate to needing that stream in the desert? I have loved this imagery as I have found how God has come and filled this parched land with springs day after day that I have hardly forgotten I am in desert. But my job is to remember that I am firmly planted next to Him and allow Him to sustain me constantly, so that the way I see and live my everyday life, in the mundane tasks, he is glorified.

He has been my stream in the desert, as well as His word which I’ve come to treasure. I heard someone talk about a book called Streams in the Desert, which is actually a devotional, but it reinforces a lot of these themes I’ve just begin to explore in the last month.

I want to be a woman who is like that tree planted by the water… whose leaves are always green.

Those last few words really stuck out to me because as I can see in my life, even this summer which I would describe as the hardest part of the “desert” season, as we’re connected to the source, even in times of drought, we are nourished. We do not fear when heat comes, we never fail to bear fruit. These are rich promises I was refreshed to read in Jeremiah 17 and rich promises that have allowed me to be sustained not by the promises along, but by the Promiser.

When I grow up…

I totally did not expect the emotions to come up that I felt as I walked into the office.

Back in those days, I was part of a group of us that were the big people on campus. I don't know who we thought we were or who gave us the right. But our high school was like home and we were as much a part of the inner workings as the faculty and staff. They really gave us ownership of our school and as a result we all graduated with a huge sense of Rock Bridge pride. I walked in and would use the PA system for my personal business. My friend Abby still remembers how floored she was when she was paged to the main office by a secretary and then came and saw me standing there. I lived in the principal’s office but in a good way.

I was senior class secretary. In National Honor Society. On the cheerleading squad, top flyer. Features editor of the newspaper. In FCA. Super-involved. Super-known and connected. Back then all of that was such a big deal. And now it still is but not because of what they were but what all those communities and relationships and experiences mean to me still and had a role in shaping who I would become.

I loved high school. This is a rare thing. Our high school was unique. There really weren’t any cliques, sure there were the snobby kids and the nerdy kids but for the most part we were all connected.

Everything that came up was good memories. It was such a special time for me.

“wow, you’re so grown up. and i love the short hair!"

I’ve heard this on a number of appts now. The last time they saw me I was 17. Now I walk into their office a woman. It's weird because I forget that people who knew me before college remember me with long hair and it has gotten progressively shorter...

As Floyd said last week in an appointment, I remember you as a teen and well now you look in your mirror and see a woman staring back at you.

scary i thought, but exciting that i'm seen as that.

Today as I met with my principal, all of a sudden we are sitting at the table, woman to woman.

One of the secretaries said that to me too. It is probably one of the biggest compliments yet biggest testimonies of what God has done in my life. They can see a maturity that was not there six years ago and that maturity, whether they are Christian or not, can attribute it to God working in my life.

A trusting disciple never has to wear a false face.

Support raising has been so liberating to share with people who knew me way back when, who knew me as the “perfect” child who had it all together, who was the “poster child” for everything, miss popular, whatever… to see the brokenness underneath all along but how it has been healed and transformed. To hear me say when I came to college the floor fell out from underneath me and the process it took to building it back up. You cannot fake genuineness and honesty and sometimes it is so powerful and refreshing because it is so rare. And I feel true to who i am at my core. True to the person God created me to be.

Making a difference.

Those who work with young people, in high school or college, are in the business of wanting to make an impact on this next generation. It was great to tell my old principal, you guys truly made a difference in my life. I've had a few people who used to know me in youth group tell me that I need to go talk with so and so because it makes me want to keep doing what I'm doing knowing that back in the youth group days we're actually making an impact on your life for years to come.

When did we turn into women?

I look at one of my best friends, someone I’ve known since we were 13 and see a woman now when I look at her. When did we grow up? Some days I still feel like a kid but I know that some change has taken place.

Case in point, roaming the old hall corridors, familiar yet a world seeming so long ago. I passed by the "girls" bathroom and realized I haven't seen a sign like that in ages. Everywhere outside of a school like that it says "women." I was going to drop by the old newspaper lab to see the teacher who made the biggest impact on my life in high school. She was in the middle of a class but one of the secretaries was like, she would be so upset to hear you were here and didn’t say hi. So I went, she was next door in yearbook so I hung out with some of the newspaper staff.

They were all asking me questions. I could totally relate to everything they were talking about and the old Rock feel was still there (my high school newspaper was called The Rock). Then I was telling them how amazing their newspaper looked compared to ours lol which look like it was from the stone age compared to theirs! And they were like, when did you graduate, 2002. Wow.

Lol. I feel old.

I can’t believe it’s been six years. But I had a blast hanging out with them and answering all their questions about college and J-school. Oh high school seniors.

It is amazing to me how we can grow and be a different age but still be the same person. Like who we are is constantly evolving. Constantly changing. But we have the same familiar face and physical characteristics but inwardly I feel like I don't even remember who I was in high school or what that Mazvita felt when she was walking down those halls.

She had no idea what was coming when she would go to college. She had hardly any idea of who she really was. She was still happy and full of life, but even spiritually, she hardly had an interest in God, but was at every youth group and church activity. But she didn't have a personal relationship with Christ till the end of high school. That Mazvita I can start to remember. When she joined FCA and quit cheerleading and started talking to the "not cool" people she had been snobby to before.

I'm in the same body but new.

Our souls are being renewed day by day. I feel younger and more free and full of life now than I did for the majority of childhood.

It's exciting to see what it will be like in ten years looking at my life now. I wonder what I will be like then and how my life will be different.

when I grow up...

When I grow up...

gentleness

Jesus asks,

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me.

Get away with me and you'll recover your life.

I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

I feel all the events of this morning and the breakthrough that happened after bible study was all to prepare me to be tender in the hands of the Lord for this afternoon. To remember who I am and who I belong to so I would have nothing to lose and my dignity would be found in the unchanging.

I felt there was a gentleness and a humbleness I could not have mustered myself in that appt. it was the gentle and humble heart I asked you to give me. lord I praise you, for you were glorified and every word I spoke came straight from you. I don’t know where she’s at with you but was praying that above all I would be able to minister to her. I impacted her and I let her know they made a difference in my life. And I thank you for her blessing…

“Well, I can see that this is truly what you’re passionate about and I’m happy to see you happy and doing well. You just look great… I am so glad there are people like you making an impact like this…”

We were both teary. Teary with the realization once again that there is good in this world. That the work they do truly does make a difference in the lives of ordinary people like me. That there is grace and redemption. That there is another chance.

He is the only place true life is found.

Come.

… Take my yoke upon you… For I am gentle and humble in heart… And I will give you rest…

- Jesus of Nazareth

chosen

Reflections on becoming the Beloved in the section “taken” or “chosen” from Henri Nouwen’s, Life of the Beloved.

“When I know that I am chosen, I know that I have been seen as a special person. Someone has noticed me in my uniqueness and has expressed a desire to know me, to come closer to me, to love me…”

“But I beg you, do not surrender the word “chosen” to the world. Dare to claim it as your own, even when it is constantly misunderstood. You must hold on to the truth that you are the chosen one. That truth is the bedrock on which you can build a life as the Beloved. When you lose touch with your chosenness, you expose yourself to the temptation of self-rejection, and that temptation undermines the possibility of ever growing as the Beloved.

As I look within as well as around myself, I am overwhelmed by the dark voices telling me, “You are nothing special; you are just another person among millions; your life is just one more mouth to feed, your needs are just one more problem to solve.” These voices are increasingly powerful, especially in a time marked by so many broken relationships. Many children never feel really welcomed in the world. Beneath their nervous smiles, there is often the question: “Am I really wanted?””

“… In the midst of this extremely painful reality, we have to dare to reclaim the truth that we are God’s chosen ones, even when our world does not choose us. As long as we allow our parents, siblings, teacher, friends and lovers to determine whether we are chosen or not, we are caught in the net of a suffocating world that accepts or rejects us according to its own agenda of effectivity and control. Often this reclaiming is an arduous task, a lifelong work because the world persists in its efforts to pull us into the darkness of self-doubt, low self-esteem, self-rejection and depression. And this because it is as insecure, fearful, self-deprecating people that we can most easily be used and manipulated by the powers surrounding us. The great spiritual battle begins—and never ends—with the reclaiming of our chosen ness.

Long before any human being saw us, we are seen by God’s loving eyes. Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh, we aware heard by our God who is all ears for us. Long before any person spoke to us in this world, we are spoken to by the voice of eternal love. Our preciousness, uniqueness and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time—our brief chronological existence—but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity.”

- Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved

Harsh realities

It was almost as if I had a flashback into how I once viewed the world.

These words echoed in my mind, words I wrote in my journal long ago…

“I learned at a very young age that the world was not safe, that home was not safe. That I was not safe..."

I felt I re-entered that scary, unsafe world as the bullets kept coming this afternoon. And I’ve been reeling from the effects the rest of the evening and I knew I couldn't stay in that world long. A world where no one was safe and no one could be trusted. I got in the car and was angry at my self for tearing down those steel walls long ago and trading in my bullet-proof vest.

Rejection is like door being slammed in your face, you’re still reeling from the effects before you realize what has happened.

Or it’s the feeling of being the dog callously thrown out of the car window at break-neck speed on the freeway.

Bleeding and bruised, you limp your way to the roadside.

I knew I had to keep fighting. I have to keep going. I know what’s really going on here.

But sometimes this painful remind of how harsh and cruel this world can be sometimes makes you question if you are really even special.

Today I had to fight something revealed to me in this book Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen… he brought up something really poignant that reminded me today,

What gives this person the authority to determine your worth?
Do not let this person have this much control over how you feel about yourself or who you are.
How does their acceptance or rejection of you change you are?

I encountered racism in as long as I can remember today.

Well I should say blatant racism.

I think subtle racism will always be prevalent and that I can accept. Sad as it is. But this was utter discomfort and judgment before I was even given a chance.

I felt every one of their accusations and felt I could not win.

They had already decided who I was and how they felt about it.

It hurts a lot.
It’s a painful feeling. While I know what is feels like to experience racism, I am trying to cling to the truth without minimizing the weight of the hurt.

Something I am working on recently after hearing a pastor share this in a devotional recently, that is so true is this is simply my interpretation of the situation.

My interpretations do not equality reality or what really happened, as much as my feelings may persuade me.

But knowing this we cannot ignore our feelings. We must process our feelings and expose them for the weight of all they are and then build a conclusion about the situation, based on our interpretation.

But then we have to allow our interpretations to be tested by scripture and other people. If the bible isn’t in authority in our lives and we try to make sense of the world around us apart from it, we are really trying to find solutions to our problems apart from God.

That being said, here are the rest of my feelings and interpretations.

To be rejected on something you cannot change and something that utterly has nothing to do with the person you could be if they just gave you a chance.

I’ve always known that I am comfortable around whites as well as blacks because I had no choice growing up. I lived in a predominantly white town, went to predominantly white schools, lived in a predominantly white neighborhood and therefore even throughout college, have predominantly white friends.

But the thing is, sometimes I forgot that I am black in the sense that I am different from my white friends.

It’s never an issue.

They’re Suzy Q and I’m Mazvita. That’s all there is to it.

I’m used to being accepted for who I am and not having to prove that I am safe because I am black. It’s not fair.

It only creates divisions, boundaries, a lack of trust and broken community.

This is the second person from this church I’ve been going to a women’s small group at that has been overtly racist.

A friend of mine is a nanny for a family that goes there and some of our other friends suggested I contact this family for support. But before that I was going to come one day and play with her and the kids.

This friend is a really close friend and she just told me point blank, no dude, you can’t come over.

What?
Why?

She’s racist.
Who?
The mom.
What?

Yeah she talks about how much she hates black people all the time. And when we’re walking down the street she tells her kids to never talk to black people, they are dangerous.

Are you serious?

Yeah, you can’t come over.

I know that people are racist. I don’t live in a bubble. But my parents on the other hand are overly race-conscious and feel every white person is out to get them and is against them, so they don’t trust them and the same divisions, lack of trust, broken community thing is just as bad on their side. We also say mom is a reverse racist.

I hate that people do not feel wrong in thinking the way they do.

I know my mom doesn’t. She feels justified. She feels entitled. She feels she’s right.

Just as these two families probably do.

But it’s sad.

And it’s painful.

It was a really painful rejection. A harsh reality I knew all too well and wished I didn’t have to experience. But it reminded me again that cost of taking risks. I calculated the amount of risks there are in a day for the world I now work in. Every new person, every new group, every new relationship, is a risk. It is a risk I take 5-6 times a day. Of course I'm going to get hurt. Not all risks will be good ones. Meaning should the risk be taken, yes. But will it always turn out, no. That is why it's a risk. It's just hard being that vulnerable to the possibility of pain all the time and then not receiving love and acceptance from where I would expect to find it in the midst of it all.

It has brought me to an unflinching dependence on God. Who does not misunderstand. Who I can count on. Who is always faithful. Always there. Never hurtful.

It just reminds me that I cannot let other people have a say in who I am or determining my worth or value as a human being, because this world is doing all it can to do so, and to feed us with lies about ourselves, and even use people to affirm those lies. The only person who has that power, to determine our worth, is God.

“As long as we allow our parents, siblings, teacher, friends and lovers to determine whether we are chosen or not, we are caught in the net of a suffocating world that accepts or rejects us according to its own agenda of effectivity and control. Often this reclaiming is an arduous task, a lifelong work because the world persists in its efforts to pull us into the darkness of self-doubt, low self-esteem, self-rejection and depression. And this because it is as insecure, fearful, self-deprecating people that we can most easily be used and manipulated by the powers surrounding us. The great spiritual battle begins—and never ends—with the reclaiming of our chosenness.”

– Henri Nouwen

You are worth dying for

What if she were loved like this?

"You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth it will affect every area of your life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator. You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. The temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator.

Especially from men.

But you don't have to give yourself away to earn a man's love. You're better than that. You're already loved.

When you give too much of yourself away too quickly, when you show too much skin, you're not being true to yourself. When you dress to show us everything, then in some sense we have all shared in it, or at least been exposed to it. There is a mystery to you, infinite depth and endless complexity.

A woman says in Song of Songs, "My own vineyard is mine to give." In the ancient Near East, a vineyard was a euphemism for sexuality. She is saying that she doesn't give herself to just anyone. She is fully in control of herself, and she is not cheap and she is not easy.

You are worth dying for.

If you're dating someone, what kind of man is he? Does he demonstrate that he's the kind of man who would die for you? What is his posture toward the world? Does he serve, or is he waiting to be served? Does he believe that he's owed something, that he's been shortchanged, that he's gotten the short end of the stick, that life owes him something? Or is he out to see what he can give? Does he see himself as being here to make the world a better place?

These are the big questions that you need to ask yourself.

Take him to a family reunion. Do some sort of service project with him. See how he interacts with people he doesn't like.

Does he have liquid agape running through his veins?

.........................................................................

When you live in your true identity, when you find your worth and value in your creator, when you live "in Christ," in who you really are, you force him to rethink what it means to be a man.

Perhaps this is why the text talks about the man dying for the woman. This can be terrifying for a man. Committing to a woman for life is going to demand courage, fidelity, and strength he may not know he has. This is why some men take such pride in their sexual conquests. They're desperately running from their fear that they don't have what it takes to lay down their lives for a woman. Sleeping with lots of women gives them the feeling of being a man without actually having to be one."

--Rob Bell in his book, Sex God

Married or engaged; dating or single, you are worth dying for.

voice

Sometimes we need nothing more than to hear the voice of God.

It is a voice that calms all fears and inner chaos.

It is a voice that breaks through my racing thoughts and anxious heart.

“In the silence of the heart God speaks.”

The process of getting completely still and silent before God is something that takes work. It takes an intentional effort of calming myself down and making it a priority to sit still long enough for the one part of my day that is most crucial, yet the getting there I’m tempted to believe I can put it off, or that I can wait till later, or that I will be fine.

Every time I enter into his presence through in silence and am completely alone and away from distractions, my soul is at ease.

His presence is something we can continually experience throughout the day. But nothing is more precious than those moments where it’s just you and God and where you shut up long enough to let Him speak. And it is there again that worlds collide and we're confronted with the sufficiency of Christ.

Today He said something to my heart, it was in the middle of my rambling prayer about all these things that I know God is acutely aware of but that I needed to get off my heart when I just sat there bowed, laying myself at his feet, when I heard those words…

“You know I’m going to take care of you, right?”

And I immediately remembered who I was talking with.

It was the voice my Father. A voice strangely more familiar and comforting than any voice I have heard audibly. It was the familiarity and gentle authority of His voice that put me at rest.

A voice that reminds me that I am not alone. I am not forgotten. I don’t have to do this on my own. And that I seen, known, loved and chosen. A voice that calls out to us as we're out to sea and reminds us that He is here. It is a voice that gently takes you by the hand again, and simply says, do not be afraid.

My intimate relationship with the one who raised me and has walked with me every step of my life. Of the one who knows me more than I do, who has more stake in my life and well-being than anyone else. Who loved me from the beginning of my life simply because of who I am and who he created me to be. He loved me and was pleased with me long before I ever “was” anything in this world. In His eyes, I am the beloved, with who He is well pleased.

OMG

So today, I'm driving on my way to a support appointment in Centralia, Missouri. I was enjoying the beautiful "fall" but summer feeling day and the peaceful little drive on there on MO-Z.

As I'm rounding a curve, I see a church sign, the first few words grabbed my attention and I had to slow down... I saw, "Jesus had to..." and then read the rest of it:

"Jesus had to raise from the dead...

All you had to do was get out of bed."

Sundays 9:00 am (in small print at the bottom)

I nearly DIED. OMG.

DIED laughing as I tried to continue driving. Are you KIDDING ME? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. So much that on my way back I slowed down as I neared it just to get another glimpse. Where is your camera when ya need it!?!

And I wanted to call someone to tell them but of course I was in the middle of nowhere, no service. So I just laughed and enjoyed that moment with God.

Re-ally peo-ple. Like, what Bible are these people reading? I'm not gonna judge, but clearly I am already... so I'm a sinner, I'm already aware of that. forgive me. I'm sure there are good hearts in there. Somewhere. And good intentions. Somewhere. But really. And while I was searching for a picture, I found this list that was also amusing but sad. My comments are in italics, pardon my sarcasm.

TOP 14 WORST CHURCH SIGNS

Randy Santiago @ Mar 25, 2008 10:45 PM

Drove around town today and checked out some of cute slogans on some of our local church signs. I had a church sign at a previous church (I hated it), and I thought I'd post the top 14 worst. Here we go...

#14 - “CH_ _ CH - what’s missing? U R” WOW.

#13 - “Turn before you burn!” EMbarrassin!

#12 - “Get saved or microwaved” Uh…where do I even begin with how unbiblical this is...
#11 - “Read your Bible, it will scare the hell out of you.” Now, that's a great encouragement to get people in the word... and to know the God of COMPASSION.
#10 - “Staying in bed and shouting ‘Oh God’ does not constitute going to church.” Seriously, now.
#9 - “Get on-line with God and download your worries.” uhhh...
#8 - “When you get tired of entertainment come back to church." This ones just dumb.
#7 - “Where will you be spending eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?” Honestly.
#6 - “If you’re ashamed to say, ‘Merry Christmas’ then Jesus is ashamed of you.” Pretty sure Jesus and ashamed are never in the same sentence... wow.

#5 - “Don’t let worries kill you–let the church help.” Well, with your kind of church... okay I'm gonna stop lol.

#4 - “Bring your sins to the alter and drop ‘em like they’re hot.” This one made me LOL.

#3 - “Stop, drop and roll doesn’t work in hell.” Good to know.
#2 - “There are no boats on the lake of fire” seriously? All of these signs are just reaffirming every negative conception that those "outside" the Christian faith have interpreted us to be about, get saved or get out... as outlined in numerous books and studies, especially UnChristian which I'm currently reading and A New Kind of Christian that I read last year. And we wonder where people get these concepts of Christians?
#1 - “A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket.” I almost don't want to comment because this is ridic. but honestly, this one just HAD to make God happy...

And we wonder why the world has trouble connecting with Christians... just food for thought...