When I grow up…

I totally did not expect the emotions to come up that I felt as I walked into the office.

Back in those days, I was part of a group of us that were the big people on campus. I don't know who we thought we were or who gave us the right. But our high school was like home and we were as much a part of the inner workings as the faculty and staff. They really gave us ownership of our school and as a result we all graduated with a huge sense of Rock Bridge pride. I walked in and would use the PA system for my personal business. My friend Abby still remembers how floored she was when she was paged to the main office by a secretary and then came and saw me standing there. I lived in the principal’s office but in a good way.

I was senior class secretary. In National Honor Society. On the cheerleading squad, top flyer. Features editor of the newspaper. In FCA. Super-involved. Super-known and connected. Back then all of that was such a big deal. And now it still is but not because of what they were but what all those communities and relationships and experiences mean to me still and had a role in shaping who I would become.

I loved high school. This is a rare thing. Our high school was unique. There really weren’t any cliques, sure there were the snobby kids and the nerdy kids but for the most part we were all connected.

Everything that came up was good memories. It was such a special time for me.

“wow, you’re so grown up. and i love the short hair!"

I’ve heard this on a number of appts now. The last time they saw me I was 17. Now I walk into their office a woman. It's weird because I forget that people who knew me before college remember me with long hair and it has gotten progressively shorter...

As Floyd said last week in an appointment, I remember you as a teen and well now you look in your mirror and see a woman staring back at you.

scary i thought, but exciting that i'm seen as that.

Today as I met with my principal, all of a sudden we are sitting at the table, woman to woman.

One of the secretaries said that to me too. It is probably one of the biggest compliments yet biggest testimonies of what God has done in my life. They can see a maturity that was not there six years ago and that maturity, whether they are Christian or not, can attribute it to God working in my life.

A trusting disciple never has to wear a false face.

Support raising has been so liberating to share with people who knew me way back when, who knew me as the “perfect” child who had it all together, who was the “poster child” for everything, miss popular, whatever… to see the brokenness underneath all along but how it has been healed and transformed. To hear me say when I came to college the floor fell out from underneath me and the process it took to building it back up. You cannot fake genuineness and honesty and sometimes it is so powerful and refreshing because it is so rare. And I feel true to who i am at my core. True to the person God created me to be.

Making a difference.

Those who work with young people, in high school or college, are in the business of wanting to make an impact on this next generation. It was great to tell my old principal, you guys truly made a difference in my life. I've had a few people who used to know me in youth group tell me that I need to go talk with so and so because it makes me want to keep doing what I'm doing knowing that back in the youth group days we're actually making an impact on your life for years to come.

When did we turn into women?

I look at one of my best friends, someone I’ve known since we were 13 and see a woman now when I look at her. When did we grow up? Some days I still feel like a kid but I know that some change has taken place.

Case in point, roaming the old hall corridors, familiar yet a world seeming so long ago. I passed by the "girls" bathroom and realized I haven't seen a sign like that in ages. Everywhere outside of a school like that it says "women." I was going to drop by the old newspaper lab to see the teacher who made the biggest impact on my life in high school. She was in the middle of a class but one of the secretaries was like, she would be so upset to hear you were here and didn’t say hi. So I went, she was next door in yearbook so I hung out with some of the newspaper staff.

They were all asking me questions. I could totally relate to everything they were talking about and the old Rock feel was still there (my high school newspaper was called The Rock). Then I was telling them how amazing their newspaper looked compared to ours lol which look like it was from the stone age compared to theirs! And they were like, when did you graduate, 2002. Wow.

Lol. I feel old.

I can’t believe it’s been six years. But I had a blast hanging out with them and answering all their questions about college and J-school. Oh high school seniors.

It is amazing to me how we can grow and be a different age but still be the same person. Like who we are is constantly evolving. Constantly changing. But we have the same familiar face and physical characteristics but inwardly I feel like I don't even remember who I was in high school or what that Mazvita felt when she was walking down those halls.

She had no idea what was coming when she would go to college. She had hardly any idea of who she really was. She was still happy and full of life, but even spiritually, she hardly had an interest in God, but was at every youth group and church activity. But she didn't have a personal relationship with Christ till the end of high school. That Mazvita I can start to remember. When she joined FCA and quit cheerleading and started talking to the "not cool" people she had been snobby to before.

I'm in the same body but new.

Our souls are being renewed day by day. I feel younger and more free and full of life now than I did for the majority of childhood.

It's exciting to see what it will be like in ten years looking at my life now. I wonder what I will be like then and how my life will be different.

when I grow up...

When I grow up...