I will fight for you.

I am really blessed to have amazing men in my life that I can count on for anything. One of my best guy friends and I were talking about a situation and I love being able to go deeper into the issues in both of our lives and fight for one another.

I think I am used to playing that role, especially with younger girls, but with guys like him who are younger, I have been learning how to play that role. But it is different when they in turn fight for you and fight to affirm and remind you of what you’re worth. It has been great to experience this is such a pure form and in the context of healthy brother/sister like relationships. All the guys I am close to as friends have girlfriends so there is never any question about that being an issue, and it means even more to know they are fighting for me, for me.

Not because they want anything in return. Not because they are hoping for something to happen. Simply because they appreciate and value me and vice versa.

My friend was helping me find truth and fight my fears with a guy showing interest in me.

Overtime I see said guy I want to take off and run. Yesterday I nearly did. I did exactly what I didn’t want to do and that is avoided him. Because I was scared. And after talking to him earlier in the week I had no doubts he would ask if we could hang out next time I saw him.

So I acted like I was too busy. I wasn’t trying to play games and I’ve been becoming increasingly aware of my tendencies around guys through reading Wounded Heart and found the issues are more complex than I ever imagined, but being aware and trying to work on them doesn’t make the insecurities any easier.

But after last night and getting reunited with Jesus and praying in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time, my fears melted away with the situation.

Today I have just really been blown away by the love of God and how real that can be in your life. My leader shared in group today how she can relate to some of what Mother Teresa was saying because what Mother Teresa always had was the love of God.

I cannot explain why but from a very young age, I have always known and had an awareness of God’s love for me through several traumatic years in ways I will never be able to explain. I didn’t realize other people have not lived with this awareness of His presence too. But there is a deep communion that was forged in my life in my formative years that has given me eyes to see God differently. This book once again takes Mother Teresa off her throne and brings her into reality. She was a real person. With real struggles. Who simply possessed the love of God and that permeated everything she did and everything about her life.

I long to be able to cling to God as she did.
To be one with Him in prayer and to love Him more fully and deeply.