Fairy tale

Was it all I dream?

I realized part of why it is hard letting this go, this in my right hand which I know is dysfunctional and unhealthy and not what I want at all, is that I am most tempted to believe that I do not deserve good.

That experiencing a taste of what it means to have a godly man interested in me, a man who is totally the type of person I would want to spend the rest of my life with… seems like I just made it up.

That those kind of guys do not exist.

And if they do.
Which I know they do.

They would never be interested in me, you’re not good enough, the lies chant again.

As I let this go.
I am saying goodbye to what’s “normal” and easy for me to revert back to. When dysfunction is all you know, healthy is hard, but worth it.

Lord, let my fairy tale come true.

A man who makes me only love you more and a man who is a reflection of you.

The biggest thing that struck me with how this “fairy tale” guy who I call the “new bar” with my friends because this guy is probably not the guy I will marry but a clear picture to me of what God is preparing for me…

But the biggest thing was after analyzing what was so different about our interactions.

I kept coming to this word: tenderness.

he simply saw and treated me like Jesus does.

As I was pouring over it again and again, I felt like he had so many redeeming qualities that reminded me of how Jesus makes me feel.

Then I came back again and after wanting to see some pursuit on this guy’s part and not seeing anything happen I started tow onder if I was good enough, then it slwly didn’t become about him…

Jesus said to me loud and clear that night,

“Mazvita, all of those things he made you feel… and how he looked at you and respected you and was in awe of you…

He just simply agreed with me.”

I’m waiting for my prince to come. The One who can match my Prince, and how he truly feels about me.