i cannot go alone

There are times when we literally feel like we're walking in the dark. When the darkness around us seems so heavy, it nearly envelops us like a heavy blanket; the opening nowhere to be found. We gasp for air and search for light. But relief is nowhere to be found.

The shadows tighten their icy grip on our lives and we wonder if things will ever be the same. Part of us realizes they will not and this is the reality in which we are faced, but struggle to understand and accept.

We attempt at life within the tensions. Fighting to survive in their unforgiving pull. We grieve; we're caught between life as we once knew and the new life suddenly being thrust upon us that we're now supposed to accept. But this new life is met with clenched fists. Hands tightly clinging to what was once true and real. Wary of the uncertainty of what receiving that which we do not trust or know may bring. As the unknown beckons us to come near and unwillingly pulls us forward, we cry out to our God and tell him, we cannot go alone. We cannot take another step save just enough light is provided and he promises to be with us. For we are alone and we are scared. He is our only hope as we travel in the dark, clinging to an unseen hand. Sure of nothing around us but our guide.

The following is from a daily devotional by Dale and Juanita Ryan of the National Association of Christian Recovery:

The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to him, 'If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.' Exodus 33:14-15

"God promised to be with Moses and to provide him with rest. But no doubt other people had made promises to Moses that were like God's promise. People had promised to be with him but had later abandoned him. So, Moses' fears were not completely vanquished when God promised to be present and to provide rest.

We are like Moses. We are facing a difficult journey. If God goes on ahead and waits for us at the destination, we will never make it. We need God to make the journey with us. We will need God every day. If God does not come, it would better not to go. The dangers are too great. The pain, too overwhelming. We will surely lose our way unless God comes as our guide.

Moses' prayer to God is a good model for us. It is not a sign of doubt or faithlessness to pray for what we need, even if our needs are things which God has already promised to provide. Praying for what we need is good communication. If we are afraid that God will not be faithful, we can share this with God. God will not be shocked. God will not punish. God understands that our capacity for trust has been damaged.

Honestly communicating our fears to God, will build our capacity for trusting God's promises. God has promised to be present with us. And God has promised to provide rest. We will need both to survive the transitions and changes that come with recovery.

Thank you, Lord, for the promise of your presence today.
If you will not go with me, please don't send me.
Because I can't make it on my own.
The journey is a difficult one.
The path leads through deep valleys.
And, I am sure to lose my way without your presence to comfort and guide.
Help me to rest today in your promises.
Help me to rest in your loving presence.
Amen."