hand over the gun

Re-posting words below I wrote two years ago that again capture much of where my heart has been today when I heard my Savior say again these words as He held me, my pain and my tears, my Father's loving words to me today,

"HAND OVER THE GUN"

... as He pushed me to deeper places in my heart He wanted us to go today. I remember hearing this part of the book shared by Ruth herself, as she spoke at a retreat I went on last month, and remember how powerful that session was. You could see we all just got punched in the gut and sat motionless, letting it all sink in, all painfully aware of the gun we were clinging to yet desperately trying to hide. And then, I read this chapter about a week ago, this book is one that I wish I could fly through but have to stop to process. It wasn’t until today I was able to hand over the gun.


Part of why I love this book is that it speaks to the recovery journey I’ve been on since January and the power behind allowing our souls to be set free, and how once we get a glimpse of the weight of it all, we see this journey is not only critical for us to take for us and our relationship with our Lord, but as I found and shared with friends one day last semester, this has profound effects and has not only saved my relationship with God, it has potentially saved my career in ministry, it has potentially saved my current and future relationships, and it has potentially saved my future marriage. It’s that serious. And that necessary that I be doing this right now, for my own life and the lives of those around me.


Which is what this books talks about, how critical a leaders’ soul is to their life and the lives of those in their wake. Unattended our souls can do much damage.

“Most of us have a gun—some way of protecting ourselves and making ourselves feel safe, hidden under the robe of our persona. It is fairly easy to keep our gun hidden most of the time, but we know that it is there and that it is incongruent to the person God is calling us to be.

We also know that if it were to “go off” unexpectedly, it would do great damage.

We are uncomfortable living with it, but we are afraid to live without it.

Sometimes we let ourselves dream of being free, of traveling without the need to pack a weapon. Holding onto our self-protective patterns is one manifestation of our unwillingness to surrender ourselves to God for the journey that is ahead."

-- ruth haley barton