"the sacred dance of grief and joy"

Every change in the quality of a person's life grows out of a change of their vision of reality.

[ Brennan Manning ]

In the last 12 months, few weeks, and two days alone, everything about my vision of reality has changed. The events of the last few days have broken yet changed me. Brought a sorrow and pain and heaviness of grief too cumbersome to bear yet also a joy and peace that surpasses understanding. A joy and peace given in the midst of it all by the One who alone carries the weight of our grief with His grace.

A grace that carries, a grace that sustains.

One that whispers into my darkest moments, I am with you, when my nerves feel shattered and my soul is shaken and I feel alone. The One who is there when my hopes are dashed and my worst fears are brought to life. The same One who is with me when my heart is broken and loss upon loss is all I see. The One who holds my fragile heart, every single tear, the One who holds, who carries me.

My God who sees. My God who heals. My God who touches and restores. My God who is here. My God who is faithful. My God, my God, who has anything BUT forsaken me.

Words that may seem like mere words on a page, niceties or regurgitated religious rhetoric or jargon, but words that will never be able to convey or explain the realities of the world in which I have been living in the last two years. Nor the God whom I have encountered there through it all.

The One whose promise alone gives me life,
who never abandons the works of His hands.

::

Yes, You are my Jehovah Jireh,
my God who always provides.

You alone are my Rock, my refuge and my strength.
My fortress, my God on whom I can rely.

To You alone do I look. To You and You alone, I call.
For I cry, You answer.

You know how I was made.
You remember that we were dust.

You fill me with songs of deliverance;
You turn my sorrow into joy.

For You alone are God, my Savior,
And my hope is in you all day long.

You are my Jehovah Jireh,
My God of great faithfulness, my God of unfailing love;
My God who always, always provides.

::

"In hope against hope, Abraham, in hope, believed."
"... For He who has promised IS faithful."

-- quote in title, courtesy of the tagline of Angie Smith's, I Will Carry You.