.:: EPHESIANS 3:16-21
OH, THE LIBERTY THAT IS RELEASED in our hearts when we let go of the opinions of others! The less we are mesmerized by human voices, the more we are able to hear the Divine Voice. The less we are manipulated by the expectations of others, the more we are open to the expectations of God.
.:: RICHARD FOSTER
::
Well, she managed to do it again. Beth Moore made me cry again. This time, tears of joy. Sheer joy. As I was overwhelmed with emotion at how faithful, how amazing, how beautiful and how powerful is, our God.
A joy borne in the depths of sorrow and turmoil, a joy emerging from the depths of a place where only He alone can go. Where He has sought me and called to me and pursued me, fought for me and led me into this place... where into the darkness, He shines.
I just read the last few words of her book here below, earlier this afternoon sitting on the porch enjoying this unseasonably warm November day, in shorts and a t-shirt, it was glorious. And just reading these words brought forth tears as they truly captured so much of what God has truly done:
“I'm about to shut my mouth," she starts, "but rest assured, God's is wide open.
He is calling you, beloved. He is summoning you to freedom. He is wooing you to joy. He's inviting you to live on purpose and spin around with childlike faith in the acute awareness of His love for you.
His hand is outstretched.
Take you dignity back no matter where you've been or what has happened to you. Hold on to your security for all you're worth. It is yours.
Nothing and no one can take it away from you.”
The LORD is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.
.:: PROVERBS 3:26, NLT
- Excerpt from So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore
::
Wow.
After the shedding of many tears of celebration, awe and praise of my awesome and amazingly powerful Lord and Savior, I had to get some of all that was circulating within me out, as I jotted out some of my stream of consciousness into the pages of the book:
“You have given me a strength and a peace and a security I never knew was possible.
That I never knew I could truly have. In the big things or even in the small, every day ordinary battles.
I never knew this type of liberty was possible.
That You have and you are speaking and wooing and pursuing me...
That You have done more than I could ever have imagined...
I can't even measure it... but like Beth Moore confesses just a few pages before, this journey, her own process in writing the book and facing insecurity on nearly ever front, has made her a different woman. I feel the same.
You are changing me and doing so much more that I cannot even see.
Father, I thank You. Yes, I praise You. For You are so, so good.
I don't deserve You. I don't deserve Your love, I don't deserve all of this, but You freely, freely give.
And You have truly given me new life in the last few months, days, weeks.
A new way of seeing, living and being in this world.
Let the bones You have broken rejoice...
For You are so, so good.”
::
And I have to admit, as I've said several times before, I had very low expectations beginning this book. I was more excited about the leaders of this book study, than the book, as they were ladies I have seen but never gotten to know. And even in our first small group time, I was more excited about the connection between the 12 of us women..
This fall marks my fifth semester at Take T.W.O., Woodcrest's Thursday morning women's ministry, and I've been in a variety of book studies or bible studies, but have never had an experience like this one.
Like we are all legitimately now friends. I'm really excited to hang out with some of the women over Christmas break as we've all talked about things we want to do together, whether it's tackling cake pops, play dates with the kids or going out for coffee.
I love my mom friends as I call them. Lol. I had to ask one of the ladies to pick me up for group this week, as driving is difficult especially if I'm going to be somewhere more than an hour and a half, and Ben is at work till the middle of my class in the morning.
But even just last week, when one of the ladies felt HORRIBLE about arriving to my house late, she kept apologizing and I was like, GIRL, okay, I am always like 15-20 minute late AT LEAST, but I only have me to worry about, you have a 1 and 2 year-old to get ready and I feel bad having you come all the way and pick me up... and she starts laughing and realizes that I'm seriously not AT ALL concerned that we are late, and then I turn around and saw her children's darling little faces peering at me from the back seat and we instantly became buddies.
They were so precious.
And there is nothing I love more than being moms' little assistant. We get to Woodcrest and not to her surprise, her 1-year-old boy had gotten rid of his socks and shoes probably somewhere within the first five minutes or so of their drive, little ones don't like us cramping their style, who needs socks and shoes, anyway! So I go around the car to help get him ready, and start digging for socks on the floor of the van while she's helping her 2-year-old girl get ready, and she's like, “You look like you've done this before, sorry it's so messy.” No, it's not messy, it's normal!
I love it. It has been great being connected with a different group of ladies within Woodcrest. I have a lot of relationships with women on staff, most of them who have been in ministry 10, 20, 30 plus years, so women who are a little older, but my small group was of women mostly in their 30s, one in her 40s and one in her 50s, so it was definitely a different dynamic and women in a different stage of life from some of my mentors at Woodcrest and I've really enjoyed getting to know ALL of these women and have in my life, and be a part of theirs.
But, I probably would not have picked up or read this book entirely on my own. I love Beth Moore, but honestly, wasn't liking all of the book in the beginning, but this book I think serves a much different purpose, as she even admits in the last chapter that the book has been messy, but had she waited till she had fought and felt total freedom with her battle for security, etc, she says this book may have never been written.
But what makes this book so profound is the practicality of it. And her use of practical ways to know and believe biblical truths about who we really are as women, and how insecurity lurks its way into nearly every crevice of our lives, but that we are not powerless, in Him, we have strength.
My battles have not gone away and are not any easier, some are, and even being able to stop insecurity dead in its tracks before something becomes and issue has been freeing, but instead of being easier or less frequent, they are just easier to see coming and now I've been given more tools to fight.
Even this week, my security was tested and threatened... feeling horrible and knowing I hurt this girl, or that this person was upset with me about this, or now what is this person thinking of me, etc. etc. they went on and on.
I do not think it's coincidence that after three weeks of an intense battle and fight for security, and experiencing that new found security and freedom, that a week would follow where insecurity reared its ugly head into a few relationships in my life, sending me down this tailspin, the battle got ten times harder to fight.
Yet, in those battles something is different now. There is a freedom I have never fully been able to experience. To feel freer than I've ever been of being controlled by the opinions' of others. Where I could truly experience that yes, I can still say, what this person said or how this person made me feel, hurt me. But it no longer has to rob me of my security. Or have the ability to add or subtract from my self-worth. That my worth, my security and my identity are safe in Him.
And now, there is relief again. Peace. Security again. A security given to us by the hands of a loving Father and one that can never be taken away but one that is deeply rooted in Him.
A security that makes me want to shout,
"Yes, Lord, you truly ARE and WILL BE, our security.
Let us be still, and know that You are God."
::
This journey and this book and being in this with this group of women, all of these factors, has left me blown away.
Blown away and praising this INCREDIBLE God who did a work in the life of a woman named Beth Moore and now because of her fight and her journey, is being used by God to free countless of other women to reclaim and cherish this treasure we have in jars of clay. Him within us.
His power. His love. His strength. His grace. His light. His patience. His peace. His presence.
That we may find a security that cannot be taken away, but one hidden deep within us, hidden along with our hearts, which are hidden with God. Safe and secure.
That we may experience life as it was truly meant to be lived. Still, yes, in the midst of a raging battle and a society and culture that is brutal to our gender, struck down, but not destroyed.
And so, like dust, we rise.
We rise from these ashes with a strength and dignity given to us by wounds of our suffering Savior.
Who died that we may live.
Who for our sake, became nothing. Took the very nature of a servant, humbled Himself, that we may find, that as Chris Tomlin sings of,
In you... there's freedom for my soul
In you... there's joy, unending joy...
I will follow...”
Yes, Lord, I will follow... YOU.
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