Home is where you feel most alive, part 3

IT HAS BEEN A BLESSING to have these women in my small group at Woodcrest to walk with, not just in theory, but truly walk through this with me/us.

It is funny as I was writing in my Glee post a couple days ago, I remember all of that, but it is crazy how different it is now.

I realized yesterday, I don't have hardly any of those feelings anymore. I also feel that with this semester's focus for the large women's ministry as a whole, titled “Soul-deep security,” that in a group of women, there is nothing that will knock all the walls down faster than to talk about our insecurities.

Because, as my leaders say,

"If you're going to sit here and try and tell us that you don't have any insecurities, well then, there is the door."

I love it.

I have realized what a true need it is for us to be around people who speak to our souls. Who speak the SAME language, where you're on the same wavelength and where you just GET each other.

One of the things I love about each of the women in our group is that we are all from all ages, stages of life, etc all ends of the spectrum, but as this is my fifth small group within this women's ministry, I have never been in a group that had such a natural connection... and one you would have not seen coming. As most of us didn't know each other before.

I realized too, that different from two years ago, I don't feel young there anymore.

I just feel like another woman.
We're all on the same playing field.

We are all broken, we all struggle, none of us are perfect, we all have insecurities, we all have faith, we all have doubt, we all have moments of weakness, yet we are also all strong.

More than just feeling like another woman. I feel fully HUMAN around them.

Because really, that's all we're asked to be. More fully human and allow Christ to make us more and more like Himself.

One thing I also realized was that I feel I can relate more to them, not because I am now married, because before, I was always usually the one or one of two single women in a small group, but I find it easier to relate now in the day to day things because I am living a lifestyle very similar to many of their lifestyles, as stay at home moms.

I've always loved hanging out with my “mom” friends as I call them and being the girl that loves their kids or the one they all would vicariously live through, as they always felt my life and being on the go like I was, was so much more exciting.

But their lives ARE just as exciting, and I have found mine still good, still exciting as well, even though it looks so different.

I also feel I can relate more because I would always marvel at these women... It's like once all the kids are checked into childcare and they've gotten their cup of tea or coffee from the lobby and found their seats with their friends, all decked out and looking way too cute for 9 in the morning... there is a buzz in the room that creates so much energy... a buzz of, I AM FREE! A feeling I find myself getting anytime I am out of the house as well too.

Lol. So many of the ladies, as one of them told me a while back, say of their hours of "freedom," sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself.

And I LOVE that.

That these women can come and have for once, no one fighting for their attention or asking for more water or if they can go outside to play or, and the list goes on and on. I love that for once, even if for just two hours, it can be about them.

And it can be FOR them.

They don't have to be the marshal of grand central station, answering this phone call, while feeding the 8 month old their bottle, trying to hunt down matching socks for their five year as they're already running late for school, while at the same time trying to scarf down their breakfast.

I mean, I have said it once but I will say it again, I have THE utmost respect for moms. Whether you stay at home or work, it is job that never ends. You are nothing short of superheroes.

That being said, strangely enough, I feel like them in so many more ways now.

(And no, I know what you are beginning to think, so I will just come out and say it... NO, there is no baby on the way, we hope and PRAY to GOD:), we do want children some day, but not now. I never thought I would be like this, frankly right now I am ENJOYING this time with my husband and living married life, and dating and getting married were already enough of an adjustment, kids can wait a while, plus we're on a five year plan. :) Now, that I've got that off my chest lol)

But, okay like I was saying, now that I have less going on, I actually have time in the week to keep up with all the reading. And am not trying to read it at 2 in the morning when I got home Wednesday night when I have to be there the next day at 9 am.

I actually have time to read and soak it all in and ENJOY it. It's not last on the list with all the reading and writing papers for the seminary class all of our staff go through at Woodcrest, or being just completely emotionally drained from the week from the world of campus ministry, or all the other things that would crowd out reading for small group.

And, now that I go to be much earlier now, I also get up much earlier. Now 9 am isn't early anymore. It's after I have already been up and moving, and sometimes even have ENERGY for two hours. And, much like these women, it is one of my big outings for the week. I look forward to Thursday mornings and get excited just getting ready, having somewhere to go that I love going to and getting all decked out on occasion as well, too.

But, as I shared this yesterday in group, as we each had to share what our passion was, one of the discussion questions on living beyond ourselves. And I shared with them that you know, it's kinda crazy...

to be continued...