As I've been talking about a bit recently, this season of "So You Think You Can Dance?" has single-handedly renewed and reminded me of my passion and love for dance.
A passion and love I have always had for dance since I first began dancing as a little girl, yet a passion and a love I have not felt for a long time, and especially one I have not felt in my time dealing with this illness.
Yet, a passion and love that is rooted much deeper within, a passion and love that gives voice to that which alone can move the human heart.
I have been continually reminded that as Simone Weil once wrote,
“'There are only two things that pierce the human heart: beauty and affliction.' Moments we wish would last forever and moments we wish had never begun. What are we to make of these messengers?”
As I was searching for this quote again I ran into a blogger that included it in one of his posts and just have to include his words here as well:
“In John Eldredge's Journey of Desire, he encourages his readers to embrace the things that awaken the heart: both good and bad.
These very things (the messengers) draw us and even challenge us to open our hearts to their fullest. Whereby we encounter God and the wonder of the life in Him that He offers to us.”
I couldn't have found better words to draw the connections my heart was trying to say and why this quote has never felt more true.
The times where I am reminded that “we are never more alive to life than when it hurts.” And that, “to be alive is to be broken...” times where I am constantly reminded that my heart needs “what beauty speaks.”
Now more than ever. As I have often wondered to myself what is it that draws my heart to beauty in my sleepless nights or nights when I just want to relax and recharge and unwind by discovering new photographers and spending hours being mesmerized by their photos or to look up and spend hours watching various dances related to SYTYCD or non-related.
Yet I realized lately, when I watch these routines, I am not escaping the pain. I am reminded of it.
Reminded that it is one of many things I must do in order to keep my heart alive. One of many gifts God has given me that keeps my heart attentive and engaged. One of many gifts that keeps me connected and in awe of Him.
And I still think it is funny that the start of this summer favorite began the week I came back from the hospital in late May.
In a time that has easily been referred to as the most difficult two months of this journey, when our lives were turned upside down again without so much as a moment's notice, as we were thrown back into the helm of crisis and where life became a “blur of joy and chaos,” as Angie Smith so brilliantly puts it in I Will Carry You.
An ever ebb and flow tide events stringed by emotions. A time where I found myself repeating this mantra in my head, I can't believe this is happening, I cannot believe this is happening...
Yet I realized lately, when I watch these routines, I am not escaping the pain. I am reminded of it.
Reminded of it however in a way that soothes the soul I am brought to that which is most real, that which alone can pierce the human heart, beauty as well as affliction.Reminded that this is one of several ways I have learned to cope with the ever-shifting realities and cruelties this season continues to bring.
I am reminded of my desires and dreams and hopes. I am reminded of my disappointments and losses and grief.
Reminded that it is one of many things I must do in order to keep my heart alive. One of many gifts God has given me that keeps my heart attentive and engaged. One of many gifts that keeps me connected and in awe of Him.
And I still think it is funny that the start of this summer favorite began the week I came back from the hospital in late May.
In a time that has easily been referred to as the most difficult two months of this journey, when our lives were turned upside down again without so much as a moment's notice, as we were thrown back into the helm of crisis and where life became a “blur of joy and chaos,” as Angie Smith so brilliantly puts it in I Will Carry You.
An ever ebb and flow tide events stringed by emotions. A time where I found myself repeating this mantra in my head, I can't believe this is happening, I cannot believe this is happening...
Well, Jesus has met me in my moments I have been and we have been stunned. Stunned by the pain.
Jesus has not only met with me but walked with me and held me through it all. This is far from being over, but I must give space here for what He has done and who He has been. Simply who He is.
Whispering and speaking to my heart that which it so desperately needed to hear and leading me to life again anew that I never knew was possible (again).
Bringing me through a set of hurdles and mountains to climb so steep, wade and walk through jungle as dense as a forest, leading me through twists and turns, in, around, and under debris on all sides, waters so deep that I feared but did not sweep over me, a fire so hot my mind still reeling from how I walked through it but somehow found I had not been burned.
And He has led me to beauty in my pain.
Glimpses, signs of life that have restored me; that are restoring me. A beauty that nourishes, that heals, that restores.
Beauty in the stillness of dawn breaking forth on the horizon, the start of a new day, beauty in the laughter and joy and delight in a baby's eyes, beauty in shared words and tears in a conversation with a dear friend, beauty bursting forth all around.
Pointing us to, drawing us closer to glimpses of eternity, glimpses of Home in the everyday and ordinary.
Pointing us to, drawing us closer to glimpses of eternity, glimpses of Home in the everyday and ordinary.
My heart has needed what beauty speaks.
In the simple, ordinary to the great displays of beauty, to my heart they have all been the same.
Pointing me to and reminding and reflecting that which only our hearts recognize.
A beauty that reminds us that all is well and shall be well.
And that there will be a day when all that we face will be no more. A beauty that reminds us of the hope on the horizon, a hope we can live in and live for now.
A beauty and a hope that quiets and restores all that is within us that simply longs for more of Him.
A beauty and a hope that reaches deep within and holds within its hands all that is most real. All that we never want to re-live, all that we never want to forget.
A reality that in its raw nature, honesty and sheer vulnerability, reveals something about the very heart and character of our God. Pushing us into the deeper recesses of our hearts we would rather ignore, to find so much more than we'd ever hoped we'd find.
A place where we find,
A place where we find,
“…God’s goodness goes deeper than all pleasure and pain—it embraces them both.”
And that,
“Strange as it seems, in the midst of our most painful memories, we find our most treasured ones.”
- Photo courtesy of Shane Welch Photography, photo of my lovely friend, Jaime, newlywed now for about a month!! Seriously, is she not and is this not GORGEOUS?!? This photo just takes my breath away.
No comments:
Post a Comment