the sound of silence

silence is hard to come by these days.

i find it hilarious that i went from being a hermit and having little interaction save a visitor or two, or passing my roommates by or normal day-to-day with Ben or my mother in the last two and a half months ... to now moving from hermit to sorority house lol.

but i love it. it is just interesting how you become so accustomed to the sounds of silence and the "simpler" life as i call it i've been living the last few months, to the hustle and bustle of getting married in a few days, each day more friends and family coming in, being surrounded by people nearly most of the day, you realize how much time and space has been filled without noise.

yet there is a beauty in that.

i found quite surprisingly that although i have always known i'm an extrovert and get a lot of my energy and rest from being around people and spending time with people, i've also known there is the introverted side of me that has taken a new and different shape each year.

it is interesting to see how much opposition you face in finding silence. i've found silence is something to guard and protect. that through all the noise and hustle there is a voice, one voice, i long to hear. i find the busier things get leading to the wedding, the more i desire time in that silence and the harder i have to fight to have it.

there is nothing more beautiful sometimes than the sounds of silence. silence is necessary to participate in the hustle and bustle of life. a place where we can hear the voice that calls us the beloved. that stills our souls and gives us peace and the awareness of his presence.

i feel i've lived an entirely separate life the last few months. where i long for and love for less striving and just more being. Less doing and more being present.

I think having a more hectic schedule just the last two days and having lots of friends and family in and out already I've seen how much the last few months have changed me.

One of my favorite authors says, suffering has the potential to change the human heart.

We all face suffering in our lives. It has different shapes and colors, textures and seasons for all of us, but it is something all of us face. Experiences that alter our current vision of reality, things we pass through that leave us changed.

I have found things once important or how I once lived my life, not really mattering anymore. I feel more connected with my soul, the true self, the place where God dwells. A place that can only be affected in the fires of sorrow and suffering. Yet also a place where our capacities are enlarged, we find life each day, a welcome surprise. A gift. A wonder and find it seems all of a sudden what was once in black and white is now in vibrant color.

We see the world through different eyes. We find that our hearts and our lives were healed and restored again. We find that the desert has revealed our dependence on the noise, yet now we crave the treasures of silence. And it is in the silence we realize how much we truly have.

We are able to sit at the shore of our own lives and find we are grateful for every person we are blessed to know. I have been reminded of how many gifts God has given me through relationships. The bonds of friendship and this period now with more activity and more people coming in and out has reminded me how much each person in my life means to me. We weren't meant to be alone. Yet it is the silence that purifies our relationships and puts them in their rightful place. We need people and we also need time alone and we find the two weave in and out together forming a beautiful tapestry.

In the silence, our true self becomes unveiled. Exposed and embraced. We find ourselves in that place alone with our God, where we are reminded of our true identity, an identity we find usually above the noise, the core of our existence and that we are deeply loved. Loved, chased after and pursued by an amazing Lord and Savior. Who says, this is my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.