though the mountains be shaken

This should be of no surprise tonight that tonight was the most powerful and freeing night I've had at recovery and the defeat would begin the minute I get home. I wish I'd never checked my email, this is why I have come to detest the internet, in the span of five minutes, I'm in a tailspin of discouragement. I had to confirm an appt. time. I wish I hadn't had to come on here. I feel so defeated after 13 blows by a two by four. I just long for something safe. This world is so harsh and cruel. Who or what can be trusted. Who or what is really for you.

I'm really glad I recorded all the victory that happened in recovery tonite in my journal in the 20 minutes before meeting up with my roommates. I should not be surprised really. Stones were moved tonight. Chains were loosed. Parts of my soul were set free tonight. The evil one will stop at nothing to bring me back to the lies of shame and unworth.

Part of why recovery is so difficult and such a vulnerable place to be is as our leader said tonight, you are unraveling your soul.

All of the darkest lies about yourself that you've lived with for years are uncovered and coming up to the surface and tonight I realized that's why I've been so sensitive lately, it seems everything and everyone that says anything negative is only affirming those lies.

Jesus, help me to find rest for my soul in you tonight. Be my Protector and my Guide. Lead me under the shelter of your wings. The only place I can find peace, rest and safety from this storm.

From NACR:

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will
not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10

"Mountains shake. Hills are removed. That's how it feels sometimes during the process of recovery. Our lives seem to be in constant upheaval as we change and stretch and grow. In the midst of these changes, the Lord has compassion on us. God's love and commitment are reaffirmed. We may feel shaken. We may change. Things may look different. But we can count on God's love. It is unfailing love - love that cannot be shaken.

God's promise of unfailing love for us and God's covenant of peace with us can provide the safety we need today. In the storm of change that recovery brings, God's love provides an anchor of safety and security. God's love can provide a peace and serenity that will not be removed.

Lord, I am shaken.
down to my foundations.
Sometimes I am afraid
of all the changes.
Will anything remain?
Will there be enough left to build on?
I need a foundation for my life, Lord.


For your love, Lord,
love that cannot be shaken,
I give you thanks.
For your covenant of peace, Lord,
peace that will not be removed,
I give you thanks.
Help me to build on the foundation
of your love and peace
Amen."