Shepherding a Child’s Heart

So the more I realize that God is preparing me to be a parent the more I realize God is already having me parent several children.

I started reading this book this summer and pick it up from time to time. It has valuable insight not only for parents, but anyone who works with children. I’ve come to realize the true weight we really do have on children and how God has put specific children in my life that are kind of like my second family, the Ingalls or Drage kids, but also, there are several children that I am “mothering” at the Shelter.

It started off as joke last year, but some of the teenage boys started calling me mom. I was kinda the big sister type giving them advice, but then I was more of a mother figure in their life, someone they came to in crisis or to figure out the big issues they were facing. Their real mom wasn’t a safe place for them, which is something unfortunately we see a lot of our kids deal with here. and it is not their fault. Many of the women who are here for abuse, the abuse that got them here wasn’t the first time. Most of them have been abused their entire lives. So the context they’re coming from is an entirely different foundation to raise a child. Most of them can barely handle their own lives and issues and aren’t able to cope with them healthfully, let alone, give the attention and care their children need. They don’t want to be bad mothers, they are just struggling to deal.

But now, here I’m known as mom. And it is a really strange thing because none of the kids have communicated this to each other, it just happens. With an emergency shelter, we have people in and out constantly. Some are here for 3 nights, some 9 months. But we never know when they are leaving. I’ve seen so many kids in and out that I’ve felt God calling me to love them like today is the only day I’ve got to let them know they are loved, they are special.

For most of the kids, that is reality. We only get one shot.

I feel in several ways this is where the foster parent idea became appealing before I started voicing it this summer. After meeting several amazing couples through support raising who foster and/or adopt kids, most of them coming from abusive homes, I felt something in my heart know that could also be a part of my life down the road.

But this book has helped me parent and mother these children in a different way. Even though I can’t share my faith outwardly here, since it is not a faith-based Shelter, still the manner in which I love them is different enough to stand out.

I was floored a few weeks ago when a mom who was my age and her 7 month old baby were there on Thanksgiving and she said, you and so and so really care.

She named off the three Christians that worked here. And my heart just cried, yes.

Christ’s love should look different. It should stand out. His plan for them was redemption all along. And its said that for this lady, it took her 24 years for someone to treat her as she finally deserves to be treated, with dignity and respect.

There’s a lot of stories and experiences with the kids and teens here from these last 6 months that I could share. These are kids I will never forget. Kids who made me realize the high calling of parenthood, something I have a renewed desire for in meeting these kids, and the impact you can make on a child’s life.

The last chapter I just finished was called, Embracing Biblical Methods: Types of Communication and it was great at laying a foundation for beautiful communication between the parent and the child.

One section in particular that stood out:

Redemption Integrated with Life:

All this communication gives children a biblical understanding of mankind. It gives them a better understanding of themselves. It helps them understand God’s standard. They learn that God is ultimate. This provides a biblical grid for understanding life. They learn that humanity’s problem is sin. We all sin and are sinned against. We are both perpetrators and victims. For this reason, all of life must be viewed in terms of God’s redemptive restoration of man.

They see the centrality of the gospel of grace. Jesus Christ came to this earth and lived the life that all men and women should live. He fully obeyed the law of God, and through faith his obedience can be imputed to them. They learn that in Jesus one can find forgiveness, renewal, and empowerment. The more profoundly they know themselves and their neediness, the more deeply they will understand their need of the internal change and power that grace brings.

They see how knowing and loving God—finding grace, power, and fullness in him—answers their deepest needs. All of life is lived through the power and grace of the gospel. Christ is relevant everywhere for everything.

In this way, your kids are provided with a grid through which to filter the events of life when you’re not there to provide direction and correction. They are trained to be independent, trained to stand on their own without parental support…”

- Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tripp