Burning for Africa

Okay. So just yesterday I wrote a long thing in my journal about the tug for Africa that I cannot put into words. Way too many specific either conversations or stumbling upon random connections in the last week where Africa has been pushed once again to the forefront of my mind.

My heart is burning for Africa. Burning.

She is crying out for help. The Lord hears her cries.

As I talked with *Grace last week, the intensity grew even more. I just thought of the countless women like her in different African countries desperate for help.

Every now and then Africa keeps coming back into my heart. Like a little tug on my heart that God is like, remember.

In the last few days I’ve had the same African country brought up in conversation four times with four different people with very specific things I feel the Lord is preparing me for in this season of life, for the next season.

Then, every now and then I check out this blog I've written about below. It is awesome.. Brenna told me about it, she’s been following these two ladies on their adventures. This particular post "Reality, Reproof, and Prayers for Redemption" really got me and makes me want to pack my bags. But, the Lord is sending His people. All over the world and even sending people here in our own broken lives, to see His people redeemed and restored back to Him. How can you long for the home you've never experienced?

*Name changed to protect confidentiality.

Reality, Reproof, and Prayers for Redemption

From Eyes to See:

*see previous post to learn more about Eyes to See

“I woke up this morning disoriented and then terrified when I remembered where I was and when the stories from the previous couple days finally caught up to me in the pitch black of early morning.

Last night we sat in the little dining house hearing the latest update on the movement and activities of the LRA…

Somewhere between 400 and 500 brutally killed since Christmas… one of those the father of a worker here… news of a house mother’s 12 year old daughter being taken as a sex slave just 3 months ago…

They are reportedly headed toward Yei, but usually cross a bit further south of the compound and city. Some of Mama Lily’s words rang in my ears as I tightly shut my eyes and tried in vain to shut it all out.

Quoting a Sudanese she once appealed to during the war wondering what she should do if the compound was attacked and the children ran, he matter of factly answered, “We have been in war for 20 years. The chickens, the goats, and the children all know what to do – Run. And when it is over they find their way back.”

The first day we were here, she told us, “During the war, the older children used to sleep with their backpacks on.”

Quoting a Ugandan communicating his anxiety to her over recent LRA movements, “Why wouldn’t they come here? We have everything they want – children, food, and money.”

“I just can’t let myself think about that too much,” she sighed at the end of our dinner conversation last night.

I tried not to think about it either but found myself wondering if I should pack my own backpack. I then thought about the relief I would feel when we boarded that plane and felt an instant reproof in my heart. Who am I to feel relief that my one life might be spared while knowing that the lives of 140 children and countless others are still in danger?

I then began to pray for the protection of those here at Harvester’s, for Pashaneyi’s cell groups scattered throughout the surrounding villages and for the salvation of many more, and for the extinction of the LRA. Mama Lily’s words came back again, “I feel so sorry for those boys who were brought into this life as children and know no other.” She’d said something similar when talking about the SPLA soldiers and mentioned the fact that many organizations are coming to work with the orphans and widows but no one she knows of is working with the ex-soldiers. I amended my own prayer and now pray for redemption. May God rebuild the ruins in this land and in these hearts.

As I sit here typing this up, I am reminded of yesterday’s Sunday school lesson. I walked up as one of the older boys was in the middle of telling the children the familiar story of Joseph and Mary fleeing to Egypt when they received news that Herod was murdering children looking for the Christ. At the end of the text, he drew out this application for the kids, “Joseph and Mary depended on God in every dangerous situation and you can too.”

I’m sure I heard the same lesson sitting in my Baptist Sunday school room in American multiple times, but it sounds quite different as I now listen through the ears of these Sudanese children.”

eyes to see

Brenna told me about this blog a few weeks ago about these two ladies traveling the world to raise awareness about issues concerning the poor and the suffering. I've been following it here and there, check it out and their story is below:

This blog serves as an opportunity to follow us (Liz and Blanca), as we make our way around the world in an effort to educate ourselves about the issues and struggles facing those thousands of miles away, as well as the work that people are doing to help the poor and the suffering. Our desire is to then come back to the states and help raise awareness on these issues, and mobilize people to take action. We will be traveling through Africa, Northern Iraq, India and SE Asia in a period of about 45 days. Please bookmark our blog, leave comments, etc.!

1/5/09

Here’s something I typed up recently for a friend that has generously offered to be our PR rep of sorts and try to get a story published about our trip. Thanks again to all of you who have offered your help in so many ways! As many of you have asked for additional clarification on what this crazy around the world trip really is, I thought posting this here, might provide a bit - Liz

Blanca Garcia and Liz Rivas believe the Lord has given each individual eyes to see and ears to hear that we might collectively act to relieve suffering, fight against injustice, and simply love both our neighbors in the U.S. and those living in other nations. However many Americans either cannot or will not visit places like Zimbabwe, Sudan, and Iraq to see and hear for themselves. These two women hope that by personally going to these countries and bringing back pictures and stories they might be used to bring the hurting and the needy from across the globe closer to those who can help meet those needs.

They will be visiting eight countries and at least eight relief organizations in a period of 50 days. Blanca is a professional wedding photographer trained in photojournalism at the University of Texas at Austin. For years she has longed to use her skill outside of America to capture faces of need and hope and images that portray both tragedy and beauty. After a trip into the IDP camps of Myanmar this summer and time spent among the impoverished peoples of Asia and Africa, Liz felt led to continue expanding her world and communicating what she sees to help enlarge the world for others. They are currently traveling and cataloguing their journey through their blog (eyestosee2009.wordpress.com). Upon return to the states, they hope to publish a coffee table book of photographs and short stories in an effort to continue to raise awareness of both the needs and those organizations and individuals striving to meet them.

Abraham believed God.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe.

Abraham was not perfect. He wasn’t perfectly obedient. He wavered in his faith. He struggled to trust God and sometimes took matters into his own hands. He looked to other things to satisfy him instead of the one true God, but what separated Abraham for every other person who had tried to please God but wasn’t one distinguished as a man of faith?

Abraham simply believed God. Not believed in God. He believed Him.

That was all it took to forge the kind of faith he was commended for. He was a human person. With real struggles and real doubts. But he dared to believe God.

Streams in the Desert:

Jesus replied, “You may go. Your son will live.” The man took Jesus at his word and departed. (John 4:50).

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe. (Mark 11:24)

"When you are confronted with a matter that requires immediate prayer, pray until you believe God—until with wholehearted sincerity you can thank Him for the answers. If you do not see the external answer immediately, do not pray for it in such a way that it is evident you are not definitely believing God for it. This type of prayer will be a hindrance instead of a help to you. And when you are finished praying, you will find that your faith has been weakened or has entirely gone. The urgency you felt to offer this kind of prayer is clearly from self and Satan. It may not be wrong to mention the matter to the Lord again, if He is keeping you waiting for His answer, but be sure to do in a way that shows your faith.

Never pray in a way that diminishes your faith. You may tell Him you waiting, still believing and therefore praising Him for the answer. There is nothing that so fully solidifies faith as being so sure of the answer that you can thank God for it. Prayers that empty of us faith deny both God’s promises from His word and the “Yes” that He whispered to our hearts. Such prayers are only the expression of unrest in our hearts, and unrest implies unbelief that our prayers will be answered. “Now we who have believed enter that rest” (Heb. 4:3).

The type of prayer that empties us of faith frequently arises from focusing our thoughts on the difficulty rather than on God’s promise. Abraham, “without weakening in his faith,… faced the fact that his body was as good as dead….Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God” (Rom. 4:19-20). May we “watch and pray so that [we] will not fall into [the] temptation” (Matt. 26:41) of praying faith diminishing prayers. C.H.P.

Faith is not a sense, nor sight, nor reason, but simply taking God at His word. Christmas Evans

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. George Mueller

You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us His promises in a quiet hour, seals our covenants with great and gracious words, and then steps back, waiting to see how much we believe. He then allows the Tempter to come, and the ensuing test seems to contradict all that He has spoken. This is when faith wins its crown. This is the time to look up through the storm, and among the trembling, frightened sailors declare, “I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me” (Acts 27:25)."

- From Streams in the Desert

Today, I am full of faith, encouraged, and I believe God. Tomorrow will be another day I will fight for this belief again.

2008: Footprints of the journey

William Faulkner describes the Psalms as footprints,

“These are not monuments, but footprints. A monument only says, ‘At least I got this far,’ while a footprint says, ‘This is where I was when I moved again.’”

He likens the Psalms as the footprints of the early pilgrims’ journeys… each one leaving a mark in the sand, showing where they were before they picked up their feet and took another step.

Mark Darling said this the other night at a conference, “Each of us has a slightly different journey… a God-given journey, that looks different from person to person. But the will of God is the same.”

A year where God did immeasurably more than I could have asked for or imagined. I have been waiting two years for this year, to start moving into my career. A year of taking a step towards seeing dreams become reality, facing my fears, and a year with no turning back. A year where I can see the fingerprints of God and where I can see the scars left from battle wounds of victories and defeats along the way, a year where I can say, look at what God did. You don’t realize you’re living your dream when you’re in it everyday. But looking back at the pages of the last year, I am blown away by the roads that have been traveled, the people and the faces along the way, all of the new worlds that have opened up to me. I first felt the call into vocational ministry summer of my junior year of college but I had no idea in what shape or form. At that point I thought it would be working for a faith-based shelter like Harvest House.

The Lord has slowly unraveled his plans for my life as I know feel called long-term to the inner-city and overseas in Africa. But I also feel equally called right now to teaching others to go and be sent overseas or to mission work here in the states, as I am currently pursuing the call to be in campus ministry full-time with my campus church. The college campus is one of the most strategic places today to make an impact for Christ and to be a part of making more disciples who will go out and revolutionize our world. They are all inter-connected, the call and desire to serve here in a campus church, the call to the inner-city and the call to Africa, as I’m seeing God preparing me and providing opportunities for me to continue fueling my passion for all three.

I don’t know what provoked me to do this, but as I’ve been really in reflection mode as I’ve seen a lot of people recently I haven’t seen in a while, especially in seeing old LT friends who I haven’t seen in years, I’m reminded of how different life looks in a year’s time. So I’m pulling highlights of “footprints” of my journey from my written journals. This is the longest post I will ever write but it is mostly for me to remember this year and thank God for the life He has for me. (Random side note, I recently ordered all the journals on my shelf by date and today as I have the stack of 2008 before me, three are before going to staff training and starting to raise support, eight are after… yikes.) But it is a time of intense personal and spiritual character development and refining your faith.

Here are my footprints.

December:

(This was in the middle of "60 days of Surrender." Something I forgot I did until going back to these journals. As I was wrestling with clarity for my future, I set aside Nov. 1 to Jan. 1 as “60 days of Surrender” to pray and fast about if I would go on staff full-time with GCM and work at The Rock. I remember making my decision before Jan. 1 and didn’t tell anyone for a couple weeks.)

Dec. 18, 2007 – I titled this “the night it all changed”

“The recital was so bad. It looked like a rehearsal, yet I got the wind knocked out of me when she got up there to talk. She was glowing. I can’t even describe it. I was so proud/moved to see her up there.

Then it hit me. Being perfect doesn’t matter.

Doing it does.

It hit me with a ton of bricks and seeing her up there, living her dream, she opened a dance studio, look at all these girls lives she is touching… and she is so proud of them, she is so happy. I fought the tears. I waited and then gave her a hug…

Then there was the encounter at work today, where the janitor lady asked me what I was doing there.

‘You were made for more’, she said to me. ‘You are going places.’

How could she even see that… thank you Lord for confirming broadly in so many ways these last few days, who I am and what you’ve called me to do…

Tonight, I am 100% confident that I’m called to vocational ministry full-time with GCM. You will raise the support. I’m not letting it stop be anymore.

My trust and my hope is in the Lord, who has never failed me…”

December 29, 2007:

At Ignite, David Grotheim (staffer at Texas A&M) you know what Mazvita, everyone told us before we got married the first year is the hardest. It’s so hard, it’s so difficult, etc. when we finally came to a point where we said, you know what, God is always doing a new thing… Mazvita, He’s doing a new thing. God is always doing a new thing. Let’s believe he’s going to do a new thing in your life through this and that you’re experience will be different.

Those words have characterized my experience with support raising so far.

Also at Ignite I started telling people about my decision and began the application process right when I got back after God confirming the call in a couple dramatic personal encounters with Him at Ignite.

“You’re asking me to jump. And not just randomly, but with you.”

“I am sending you. Will you trust me? Do you love me enough to follow me down this path?” – God to me, Ignite

January:

Jan. 1, 2008:

“So 60 days of surrender is over and you are incredible, you are amazing, you have revealed so much to me. I broke down during the Saturday session in worship as I realized the weight of the call and how much I would be giving up. I realized why I am willing to do this. Why I am willing to lay my life down and do what seems crazy.

Not for anyone else, not for campus, not for Africa, not for my pastor, not for my friends, not for the girls, not for The Rock, not for the inner-city, but

Because I love you
Because I love you and I delight in you.

I have never heard your voice more clearly than in these last couple months, leading me on this path, the only thing stopping me was my fears.

February:

Can’t find any journals from that month but I know I wrote, so it’s somewhere in my car or room.

March:

(The grieving process begins for what it will mean saying bye to The Rock, canvas group, the girls during support raising)

March 19, 2008: “take my hand”

“I’m really broken right now… just read three chapters in A New Kind of Christian. My heart broke. This is the hope for which you speak of… the love what will save the word. Lord thank you for awakening me tonight and for an amazing night.

I started crying as I was driving as I realized this means everything.
This changes everything about how I live Lord.
Let me let it.

I started crying because I am scared. I am unsure. I know you’ve called me to be one of those to go and redeem the nations but I freak out about it. But in light of what it means, why do I. Lord, let me be filled with you, let me not be afraid…

It will cost you your life…
I feel like I’m in a forest, weaving through something which I cannot see.
Well you can go back and you know the way, you know what it is…
Or you can take my hand and follow me, go on with me. Just take my hand, He says.

My journey with God is a personal/living and alive, daily pilgrimage.

To live is Christ, to die is gain. I am beginning to feel I have no idea what this really means.”

April:

(The grieving process continues. I grieve things way in advance. March, April, may were probably the hardest months in realizing the reality of how hard it would be to be away from The Rock, but once June came, I was ready for the emotions since I had grieved the majority of what was happening.)

April 7, 2008

“awaken.”

That is one of my favorite words. Awaken me oh lord, awaken my heart. Lord GOD, I need more of you. I want you to awaken my heart to hear your song. I need to hear you. I need to see you. Lord, thank you for carrying me this afternoon… I ask you to be real. I ask you to reveal yourself to me.

April 8, 2008:

Jesus, the kingdom of GOD is here. Thank you for how encouraging these conversations have been. Lord, the kingdom of God is here.

It is at hand.
It is present
I am entering in and advancing it.

I praise you lord for what you have done.
I praise you and I thank you lord.
For giving me an opportunity to be with these people.

I am sad I will miss the fall.

I am sad I won’t be in McDavid for Spotlight anymore. I Love being able to look back at all the works you have done, all the good things you have started and accomplished this year in canvas group.

Because we were simply men and women willing to be used by God.
Lord, thank you for the vision and seeing it fulfilled in small and large ways...
Thank you for your goodness. For your faithfulness. Thank you that I am not the same person I was a year ago.
Jesus, thank you for using me, all my scars, all my failures, all my strengths, all me weaknesses.
Tonight I was like, I led this group?
No, you did. Lord, lead me, continue to lead and love me. I just want to love you back with all I have. I give you my life, Lord. Thank you again.

May:

“a long joyful obedience”

I was reading those words just a few days before in Mother Teresa’s book and decided that needed to be the title of my new journal that wold officially start off my new journey.

May 16, 2008

… Lord, I do not have what it takes, I do not have the skill set
the personality
the package

but you do
you complete me

without you I am nothing.
Lord, I’m desperate for you to move. I need you. Lord, move the mountains before me.
Move my fears. My anxieties. The million things I have to do before 3 pm Sunday when I leave. Move them Lord.

I ask you.

Lord, I ask you to make this time the most beautiful time with you. I want to encounter you and allow ppl to encounter you through me. Guide my journey. Let me be filled with you…

May 17, 2008:

Walking away

“Put your hand in his [Jesus] hand and walk alone with him. Don’t look back because if you look back you will go back.”

Jesus, hold my hand as I go.

Therefore go… I do not know why sometimes your voice is so audible I could have sworn someone was right behind me saying those words… Mazvita, I am sending you… therefore go… As I walked out, I felt I was walking alone now. Walking a path only you will go. I forget that you will also go with me. Before me and with me. Jesus meet me now. I want to know you. Let that be my goal in this time.

I walked out of Middlebush Aud. For the last time and said goodbye tonight. As soon as I walked out of those doors I felt a rushing wind carrying me.

Here begins the new adventure.
I trust you Jesus, but I’m still scared.
Be my vision. Help me keep my eyes on you.
I’m ready. My heart is ready to follow you. I trust you. I need you.

May 19, 2008: I turned 24 and it was my first day of GCM New Staff Training in Orlando, FL!

(training was awesome! It was an intense week as I’d been foretold. But it was probably one of the best weeks of my life. I know I am crazy. I think it was because it was the first real step in a dream becoming reality. I also got to talk with people in the Acts 29 movement who are urban church planters and a guy planting a church in Africa, this was really exciting since inner city and overseas is where I feel called long-term. I met some incredible men and women at training!)

June:

(I can’t find any journals from June or July, but here’s the first week of June in the back of the May journal, also week 2-3 of support raising)

June 3, 2008

Barren

That’s the word that keeps describing how I’ve felt. I feel like a barren woman whose children have been stripped way. I look at pictures of me and the girls or the cg and it seems like years ago. History. I feel empty, not myself without them or my community. Lord, help me. Meet my need for people. This separation and emptiness is more than I can bear.

I’m reaching out and don’t have anything to cling to… Nothing to hold, nothing to hold close….I feel like I have no stability. Everything is changing. Everything is new. It all feels like shifting sands. Things are moving so fast. I just want something that lasts.

August:

(recap on July and August, a time filled with rapid movement as I was working 70 hour work weeks – 40 hours my full-time job with the med. School, then 30 hours support raising in the evenings and weekends. Things were constantly on the move. Support raising was going well. But my heart was all over. I was experiencing heartache after meeting someone I hoped things would work out with and a whole other host of emotions this brings. I was also going through an intense season of God tearing down and rebuilding in the life of my heart).

August 11, 2008

Another dentist visit and its funny how many spiritual lessons I learn there.

"We have to extract the corrupted teeth before they affected the rest, we had to drill and dig and pull them out before we can even begin with any of the work," my dentist said.

Then today, more drilling, pulling out, to start to fill the empty places… That’s how I would describe what God is orchestrating in my life right now. It is messy, it is painful, yet it is needed before more damage takes place.

I’ve started losing steam. 70 hr. work weeks are catching up with me. I feel really burnt out and don’t think I can make it another 3 weeks on this job. I started disengaging long ago. I feel really bad. But I know tand they know my heart isn’t here anymore. That attitude sucks. But I feel the closer sept. 5 comes, the less I want to be here. I want to be full-time support raising. Right now I feel torn between two worlds.

September:

September 6, 2008

Released

I feel so much freedom. I feel released into assignment Lord, released now to raise support full-time so I can be released to do ministry full-time. You are so precious.

It is finished. These were the words I felt as I was walking down the hall I work.

You are released.
As I was walking down those familiar hospital corriders it hit me.

How much I was leaving behind.

How much I was entering into. Being sent.

I felt like I was transporting through
9 months
12 months
2 years

of waiting for this moment

where now my job is ministry.

Its not on the side but now here you rae…

The moments keep running through my mind at top speed as I was walking out of work that day… of all these days I woke upa nd went to david’s bridal even though I hated that job the entire year I worked there… of all the days I worked 2-3 jobs to save money. Or worked 2 jobs in Columbia so I could do associate staff. Or all the days I woke up before all of my roommates to go to a full-time job I got for the sole purpose of saving money to raise support. Of all the times someone would ask what I did and I would have 3 different workplaces I could share with them at any given moment…. It all came flooding back….

God you are faithful. You are so faithful. Man your timing is perfect. This moment was WORTH waiting for.

An ending and a new beginning. You alone are good.

October:

Streams in the Desert

I got a devotional called that and titled my new journal that as well…

October 9, 2008:

Lord, I thank you for today. For walking with me every step of the way. For blessing me with time with Donna today. For a new mentor, an amazing woman who totally speaks my language and is able to challenge and encourage and empower me. See my calling and remind me of the value of that. And call me baby girl. I love it!
Thank you Lord for older women in my life again. It is so great….

(A few days later.)

A new song…

I sing a new song to the Lord.
I love you back.

It is my joy
My honor
To be your beloved.

Come, come my child. Come and be my light.
I will be your light. I thank you for your glory and your presence and your fight over my life.

November:

First week of November began a rocky stretch that ended first week of December. It was a time of intense deep spiritual healing and the Lord taking me to deeper places of my heart and uncharted territory I didn’t feel ready to face.

“How do I get this feeling to go away. I am feeling emotions and experiencing things I haven’t felt in so long. How could one event trigger all of this. I wish I could go back in time. Anything to stop these nightmares from haunting me. What is worse is the nightmares are just reality coming back to surface. Only you can go there with me. But I can’t go alone. I know I am standing on the edge of a place I cannot go… alone.

Psalm 51… Have mercy on me, O Lord…

I sought the Lord and he answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.

…the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them…

deliver me…

December:

A new day

Let me put my hope
My trust
My security
My life…

In the Lord

That was the subtitle of this new journal.

“wait for the Lord,
be strong and take heart
wait for the Lord.”

December 20, 2008

Thank you Father for rescuing me.

“But my righteous one will live by faith….

We do not live by the faith in the son of God…

We live by the faith OF the son of God.

We are called to live a life we don’t have the power to live… we learn to live by the power of God…

We have to be completely broken down and stripped of all self-reliance.

Of anything we could rely on that is not you.

To learn how to be filled with the power of the risen Lord….

So do not throw away your confidence, the writer of Hebrews urges us…

He says, my righteous one will live by faith. In living by faith, we live in the reality of God. A reality more real than anything of this world throws before my eyes.

home is a mysterious but great feeling.

There’s just no place like home.

Tonite, I had a longing to go home.

I’m extremely blessed to have a family that I’m a part of that is home.

There’s just no place like home. Nowhere else compares to how it feels to be there.


Home is where you share secrets. It is warm and safe. It is where you feel alive. All is well again.

Home is a place where you belong. Home is where you feel free. I am blessed.

And The Ingalls are now in blogland!!! Tonight, I successfully converted another to the world of blogging! We had such a great night.

My top 20 reads for 2008

“The man who never reads will never be read;

he who never quotes will never be quoted.
He who will not use the thoughts of other men’s brains,
proves that he has no brains of his own.”

- Charles H. Spurgeon

It’s no secret that I love to read. Somehow this correlates to why I love to write as well. Well, since my secret is out, I usually get asked a lot what book I’d recommend, so here’s my top 20 books I read in ’08 that were phenomenal and really transformed my life:

Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen
Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning
The Rabbi’s Heartbeat, Brennan Manning

Holy Discontent, Bill Hybels
The Radical Cross, A.W. Tozer

A New Kind of Christian, Brian McLaren
Sex God, Rob Bell
UnChristian, David Kinnaman

Come Be My Light, private writings of Mother Teresa
He Loves Me, Wayne Jacobsen
Waking the Dead, John Eldredge
Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp
Letter to my Daughter, Maya Angelou
To Own a Dragon, Donald Miller

The Wounded Heart, Dan Allender (for victims of sexual abuse or those who work with them but I would recommend this to anyone with a heart for counseling or working with women since it affects 1/4 of all women and 1/3 of all men. This is by far the best resource on this subject I have found in all the secular or Christian books I’ve read pertaining to this issue.)

Bible studies:

Breaking Free, Beth Moore
The Patriarchs, Beth Moore
Stepping Up (A journey through the psalms of ascent), Beth Moore *very different experience than from doing them on my own, my first Beth Moore video experience in a group, it was amazing!

Devotional:

Streams in the Desert

And we’re not even going to talk about the books that are on my list that I have yet to find time to read but hope to soon! I didn’t write descriptions of the books cause I blogged about most of them, but if you want to know more, holla at a playa.

Happy reading!