40 Days of Purpose { day 15 }

Wow, wow, and wow. Tonight was incredible. Heard a testimony at wives group that just rocked me. In all the best kind of ways. A girl who shared ego reminded me of why this group of women has been so inspirational and formative the last almost 3 years we've been here. My soul needed that tonight, I miss being surrounded by women who know the lord like that, trust in him, find their worth in him. That confidence and peace is so beautiful to see. Lord, I thank you. Because you nudged me to go to group tonight for me. And she shared a verse that in one of the darkest times of my life because a source of healing and strength. And tonight left me with a hunger and thirst for more of this, more of him and finding/surrounding myself with these kind of women. 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jesus, thank you for today and the gift of tonight, time with my husband, time to rest, time to be at group, time to be encouraged, refreshed by you. 

{ written on my iphone }

40 Days of Purpose { day 14 }

Wow. Today's been a big day. Major breakthrough after a breakdown of sorrow and grief on a number of levels. Learning to be more honest with the God who sees me. 

This book is really transforming not only my life, but the lives of our small group members on ways that make me just amazed. 

"For I have seen and I know of your misery..." Words my Father spoke to several barren women in the bible that He spoke tenderly to me today. "For I see your pain and your misery."

And through crying to Him, allowing myself to feel the full range of emotions, feelings of unfairness I probably wouldn't have admitted a week ago, issues of being angry, sad, sorrowful, but mostly anger and knowing and resting in the fact that that is okay. And that that is waist you want. You want us to be completely honest with you with our hurt, our anger, our brokenness, our pain. 

Today turned around and you even gave me a glimpse of what is to come. 

That my time will be here before I know it, and just like with my love story, how you have me so much more than I could have ever imagined, gave me a story far greater than any I could have dream it conjure up -- the same will be true with the story of our family growing, me becoming a mom, having a child. Your timing is ALWAYS perfect, though knowing that doesn't always make it easier to wait. Yet, tonight I can rest in the safety and security of your arms and know that you see me, you are with me, you are for me, and you love me. 

Thank you for the heartache yet also the victory and breakthrough of today. I love you and I need you. 

I am abba's child. 

{ written on my iPhone }

40 Days of Purpose { day 13 }

So done with words today, just remembered I haven't written today in here. I got to read during my lunch break, in the sun, it was glorious. Grateful for today and lord please give me rest. 

{written on my iPhone }

40 Days of Purpose { day 12 }

It's been a good day. Because of the lord and his goodness and his grace. First full day full with my promotion/new role at work. Then tonight's been super sweet getting to chill and relax with Ben, work on my freelance job, watch our favorite shows. I love nights like this more than anything else. There's nothing just like being home with my babes and not having to leave. Grateful and beyond blessed to get to live and share life with my best friend. Thank you, Lord! 

I love you and I need you. Thank you for coming through for me today, for being with me every step of the way. Not that you're not always, but I don't always recognize you there. I want that to check and I want to bring you more of my hurt, anger, pain, and frustration surrounding my best friend Kate's death. 

Till next time. 

- i am abba's child 

{written on my iPhone}

40 Days of Purpose { day 11 }

I an actually caught up on my reading in the book! Just finished day/chapter 11 on being best friends with God. 

Thoughts as I was reading (again cutting this short because of work tomorrow) 

But God wants to be known, just as we long to be known. He wants to be remembered, just as we do, not forgotten. He longs to be seen by us, just as we long to be seen by others. Just as we long to be seen by him. He longs for us to simply turn our gaze his way. For us to give him our full attention. He has emotions just as we do and he is a relational being -- as we are since we're made in his image. The God of the universe wants only one thing. Us. He sent his son to die for us, he orchestrated the universe and our place in it to interact with us, all he wants is for us to simply come. As we are, with all our brokenness, fears, insecurities, and strengths; hopes, dreams, all he wants is for us to simply come. And rest and revel in the fact that we are his. And that nothing else matters. It is in him we find out who we are and what we're living for. 

Yes, I am abba's child. 

I thank you and I praise you and I love you. 

{ written on my iphone } 

40 Days of Purpose { day 10 }

Tonight my heart is broken. For so many reasons and things.

{ written on my iphone}

40 Days of Purpose { day 9 }

So, last night's post wouldn't posted, it kept saying there was an error so I just had to hit post today. But I promise I wrote it yesterday. Today I've got only three words, I have written more today/this week for work and my freelance job and my brain is done. My three words: You. Are. Good.

Night y'all.

{ written on my iphone}