The Lord will guide you always.

He is your constant source of stability.

[ isaiah 58:11 and isaiah 33:6 ]

{my soul finds rest in god alone}

{my salvation comes from him}

psalm 62:1

:: He came to set us free ::

I walked out of class yesterday and as I was trying to identify this strange feeling that had come over me as I walked into the parking lot and began my drive home.

I feel okay.

I FEEL OKAY! I suddenly realized and wanted to shout from the rooftops.

I feel okay again for the first time in more than a month.

As all of the events of the last 31 days came rising to the surface, and I could see yet another month-long battle and fight again threatening to take me out, yet once again, it was the Lord who prevailed. Over my foes, over my Enemy. And this sinister monster seeking to destroy my body, seeking to destroy my life.

A time that has been a blur of joy and chaos, victory and defeat, hope and despair, turmoil and peace, sorrow, bitterness, devastation, anger, and grief. Crushing disappointment and hope against hope, that still says, “I believe... And all is not lost. For He who has promised is faithful.”

I feel free. Free.

I also realized.

Okay again. Whole.

For once my world feels as it is has stopped unraveling.

For once, my world again feels intact.

And I kept thinking even of the intense spiritual battle of the last week and even that morning, and the fight it was to even decide to go back to class and all the same and lies Satan has been coating and covering me with.

That for the first time, in I don't know how long, I felt the most okay I've ever been.

That word “okay” is really getting on my nerves because it doesn't even begin to nearly do it justice.

Okay in the sense of security and stability I have longed to feel as the boat kept rocking and the ground continue to crumble beneath my feet.

Okay in the sense that finally all was at rest. The events leading up to yesterday morning all made so much more sense once new ground had been broken, and it was the start of something entirely new.

For once my world was not unraveling, for once my world had stopped spinning.

And as I have been looking at all God has done, in the pockets of relief and moments I would come up for air and days where things did feel lighter here and there in the last month, I stand amazed.

Amazed again at the power of our God.

In awe.

Speechless.

At this God of Hope I have encountered here in the wilderness.

This God of Hope who has spoken and whispered, reached out to me in the dark and said, “My sweet child, I love you.

I love you.

I love you...

...and I am here.”

So many stories I wish I could tell you.

So many things I wish I had all the time in the world right now to write and go into in this moment.

But, until then, I will celebrate and give thanks and enjoy living life in the gift of this new day. I will celebrate and rejoice in God, my Savior.

Who has once again brought victory.

Who has once again been my Jehovah Jireh,

my God who always, lovingly, faithfully, and abundantly, provides.

Awakened.

Written May 5th, 2011 and continued today:

You have awakened me. This semester I have been awakened. Restored. Nursed back to health.

(In a sense of all things non-medical/physical, while there have been some victories and discoveries on the health front, this post is not speaking of that, but of a victory that has an eternal value. One transcending soul-mind-and-body.)

I have been given new life. Given a heart and a longing for Heaven, a heart and a longing for Heaven like never before.

A longing for that place where we will finally be free. Forever.

Every need, every desire, every ache, everything that is not yet, will finally be as it should be.

Our hearts will be restored.

Our bodies will be made new.

I didn't realize it until a closing slide show in our Take T.W.O. brunch this morning how different my view and perspective on eternity is now.

We've been on a journey for “soul-deep security,” one that began last fall, and a theme that this semester at Take T.W.O. also focused on, yet this time, with soul-deep security in light of eternity.

It is crazy how my views and feelings on heaven, eternity, death and dying have changed in such a short time. I remember being at a place where I wrestled with death for much of December and January, yet had no idea God would use this semester, a handful of events and people and experiences to bring my heart to this place.

This place where with all that is within me I can cry,

Our hearts were made for Heaven;

Our hearts were made for Home.

It is crazy how these glimpses of eternity have brought hope, perseverance, perspective. Strength.

As I marveled as I just saw the magnet on my fridge with many of those words, as they were also a part of the journey we embarked upon in January.

And to see, all that You have done and how You have met with and changed the lives of so many women, including myself, in that place.

Father, I thank You and I praise You, for all that You are, for all that You have done.

I cannot wait till that day when I get to be with You.
And live and dwell with You forevermore.

With every earthly need satisfied, our lives and our brokenness made whole.

We will see You face-to-face

and will never stop singing Your praises.

A-men!

- Photos courtesy of silverbox photography. And could this bride or these pictures BE any more beautiful!?!

I love it and love finding photos like this one that totally capture all that I feel or all that is happening, but cannot even put into words. being the words person that i am, i am glad they say that a pictures is worth a thousand words because it truly, truly is.

[breaking free]

I have never felt this free.

I remember at the beginning of the semester, when Joni pointed out this picture that was on the cover of our Take TWO guide for the beginning of the semester of their Thursday morning women's ministries, and she explained that this semester we would continue last (fall) semester's theme of "Soul-Deep Security," but now, with adding an eternal perspective,

"Soul-deep Security: Now and Forevermore."

And can I just say I love the word, "forevermore."

I have never longed for nor been more excited about Home, yet also the life I am so blessed to have here.

I am so grateful just to be alive. Life has stood out again vibrant and alive in living color. I love my life. I love the things in it. I love getting to share each day with my Lord, my Love, and my God. I love getting to share each day with my amazing husband, partner and best friend, and those I am blessed to call my friends.

He has given me so much and all I can say is thank you. For I do not deserve His goodness. I do not deserve His crazy amazing grace. Yet, He freely, freely gives.

I remember her saying, as she pointed to this picture,

"Man, I don't know about you, but I want to be this free."

It is crazy that when I had the words "breaking free" popped into my mind for what I have been feeling and what I wanted to call this post, I could not get this photograph out of my mind's eye.

For I never knew this kind of freedom was possible.

I have never felt more free.

“I'm alive again, more alive than I have been in my whole entire life...”

I'm reminded of words from two artists whose music I hold dear. Two very different artists, yet of one and the same heart-- deeply connected with that within the sacredness of the human spirit, the place where we encounter the divine.

He is making everything... new.

“My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace”

- excerpts from Eminem's "No Love" and Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

{ their hearts are steadfast ... }

{... trusting in the Lord. }

Another set of verses that has been speaking to a ton. A passage that became very special to me when I was in a small group/class reading Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity, this is one of two passages that weave throughout the book, yet running into it a couple days ago, the words "steadfast" and "trusting in the Lord," jumped out at my like never before.

There were eight different passages I ran into while looking for something completely different and these words have not left me since as these words alone embody that which I have not been able to know how to even begin to articulate into words.

Words of the One who alone can quiet our fears, give rest to the weary, and light in the midst of darkness.
You are the One, You are the One.

He has shown me that no matter what is happening,

He is our Hope against Hope.

He alone has the power to give me life, make me new, transform, and awaken me.

Make my heart secure.
Give peace surpassing all understanding.
Grace and love beyond reason.

He alone has filled my heart with "more joy than when wine and grain abound," and rid me of all fear.

He is my love, my strength, my all.

My Savior King.

"They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Their hearts are secure,
they will have no fear;

in the end they will look in triumph on their foes."

:: psalm 112:7-8