50 days of transformation {day 2}

"for i am yours; and you are mine."

Words from a song that quickly earned its spot as "my new jam" over christmas break and one that soon became declared as my anthem for 2014.

I can't describe the ways in which the spirit ministered to my heart in the midst of what i was going through at the time, a night i stumbled upon this acoustic version of the song and kept it on repeat while I was working on some stuff for our hall. these words and this woman's beautiful voice pierced my heart.

These lyrics came alive to me in ways like never before and tonight as i was listening to this song again on repeat while chopping fruit for a fruit salad for dessert for Ben and i, i was reminded of words that deeply resonated with me in today's devotional in "50 days of Transformation," simply that we are God's children. He is mine, and I am His.

--

"We are God's children. When we believe in Jesus Christ we are brought near to God the Father. So near in fact that he calls us his sons and daughters. We are a part of his family now. Fully received, fully loved, and fully accepted. What does this mean? It means we get to share in the very same relationship of love and intimacy that Jesus shared with the Father."

--

Quick pause, and then it goes on to share the verse where Jesus calls him "Abba, Father." I just thought that was ironic as me resurrecting my blog "abba's child," though I have been feeling a push to change the name of the blog link, I still kept the title and quote at the top because that's me, that's who I am.

I tried to do other blogs and it just didn't feel like me or representative of my heart. So I took a couple steps in figuring out a way to keep my old blog and the ways it feels like home, keep the abba's child stuff still at the top, but change the link as a part of me being obedient to some of the nudgings and the pushes I've been feeling from God in the midst of this season. One of them being, to write and post again.

I've got millions of pictures, stories, and experiences from my last six months in moving from Missouri to California, stories and experiences and photos I've been trying to figure out what/where is the best place for them to find a home.

I stopped posting on instagram and facebook a few months ago as I've yet to find a way to process and share my life in my new season. I still haven't figured it out yet, but it's time for me to at least try and figure out a way for me to share my life, heart, and experiences and what my Jesus is doing in the midst of it all.

Wow, that was quite the tangent ;), back to the devotional and what I was saying before, it pierced my heart and blew my mind again to read and think about how true and crazy it is that because of Jesus, we now have FULL access to the Father.

It goes on to say we get to share in "the very same relationship of love and intimacy that Jesus shared with the Father."

That is CRAZY! It just really hit me today and the last couple of days even in wrestling with and finally landing on incorporating "abba's child" into a new/old rendition of my blog. Because no fewer words describe who I am and what I'm about, what's driving me in life and where He's taken me, where I'm headed.

I belong to Him. And sometimes just knowing that, nothing else matters.

"for i am yours and you are mine," those words resonate with me deeply tonight for i feel free. free in him, free in the wide expanse of his beauty, his mercy, and his grace. free in him, free to live out of and feel connected with that which is my true identity.

i am abba's child.

--
50 Days of Transformation is a devotional series created by Rick Warren and Saddleback Church. We had the pleasure of visiting there this weekend and while we can't attend Saddleback regularly since it is an hour away, we bought the 50 day journals and we're doing them together. God is in the midst of doing something big. Before we began the study, He began speaking, pushing, and prodding in many ways that also fall in line with the theme of being transformed. Grateful and thankful for my loving Father and Savior; the only One who has the power to change and transform me. Be glorified.

- Photo courtesy of Pinterest

for you oh god are my [fortress]

[my god] on whom i can rely
[ps. 59:9-10]

oh, i'm running to your arms - i'm running to your arms - nothing compares to your embrace - light of the world - forever reign - my heart will sing - no other name - jesus - jesus- my heart will sing - no other name - jesus - jesus

:: words from a verse and song that has been speaking to my heart a ton lately

nothing compares to {Your} embrace

light of the world {forever} reign

Cannot get these words or this song out of my head today, ahhh SO GOOD.

oh, i'm running to your arms, i'm running to your arms,
the riches of your heart, will always be enough...

my heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus...

my heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

:: hillsong, "forever reign";
photo courtesy of silverbox photography

the riches of {Your love} will always be enough

A song I just cannot stop singing today or get out of my mind. A song that ironically I have heard in the wee hours of the morning on the way to medical appointments or the late hours of the afternoon coming home from it all, the cry of my heart to the One who alone is worthy, "my heart will sing, no other name... Jesus, Jesus..."

(It won't let me embed the official video and version I love way better, so here's the link to that one, and I'll post my backup below ;)

You are good, You are good / When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love / On display for all to see
You are light, You are light / When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope /You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace / When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true / Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy / You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life / In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more / Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord / All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here / In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God / Of all else I'm letting go

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Lyrics: "Forever Reign" by Hillsong;
Photo courtesy of Tec Peteja Photography

.:in your presence i'm made whole:.

You are here, You are here,

In Your presence I'm made whole.

- "Forever Reign" - Hillsong

I sing for JOY at what your hands have done...

{I sing for JOY at what your hands have done...}

:: psalm 92:4

God has been doing so much lately, SO MUCH, are you kidding me? It is crazy when Friday I sat down and realized and wrote down all that has happened in every front and arena of my life in the last three weeks alone. I simply cannot believe it all and tonight I am thanking and praising and celebrating the One who is faithful. OH so faithful.

Whose faithfulness and goodness is not dependent nor contingent upon my circumstances; our God who is good and who is faithful anyway... even when it doesn't always feel like it.

"My God is a God who provides."

Our God who alone can move the mountains, throw them in the very heart of the sea. The One who alone can part the waters, calm the stormy seas. The One who alone can mend our sinful and broken hearts. Bring healing and restoration to our hearts, to our relationships, to our lives. 

"Our God is a God who provides."

“And, I will bring praise, I will bring praise... no weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory, and He is here...”

{ "desert song" original by hillsong; natalie grant version }

- photo courtesy of prokopets studio

No turning, no looking back

As I was reading this section below in Luke today, it reminded me of the first few words of Come Be My Light, the private writings of Mother Teresa.

Words that reached out and grabbed my attention from the very beginning of her story, words that have spoken to me in the midst of or beginning of a new journey,

"Put your hand in His [Jesus’] hand, and walk alone with Him. Walk ahead, because if you look back you will go back.”

I was particularly struck today by the variations in how these six verses were depicted from version to version.

I thought it was a beautiful picture of what it really requires to follow Him, daily in our various seasons and stages of life, circumstances, what it means to choose Him and continually say “yes” to the journey He is now inviting us onto.

Where what once worked in the past no longer serves the road set out before us.

A journey that requires with every unexpected twist and turn for our faith to lead us home. A faith that exhibits trust, that is certain of all we do not yet see. A faith that awakens and enlivens our senses and hearts to new life.

A faith that says, “yes, I will follow You... no matter the cost, wherever you go, whatever it is that You are wanting for me.

A faith that says “yes” to the things large and small. The simple and mundane, the things in whatever arena our lives are currently in.

Whether a stay-at-home wife, a stay-at-home mom, a working mom of five, a president of a company, a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, an artist, a grandmother, a wife, a student, a missionary, a doctor, an accountant, a nanny... Saying “yes, I will trust You. Yes, I will follow You, today, here, now.”

A faith that emerges from a heart that trusts and knows that it is loved. A faith that gives us eyes to see that which only our hearts can see rightly.

A faith that says, “Yes, I will follow” with no turning, no looking back.

::

“As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.'

Jesus replied, 'Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' He said to another person, 'Follow me.'

The man agreed, but he said, 'Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father's funeral.'

Jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' Still another said, 'I want to go with you, Lord, but first let me go back and take care of things at home and say goodbye to my family... I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.'

But Jesus replied, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and starts plowing and keeps looking back and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'

:: Luke 9:57-62 in the TNIV, NIV, CEV and The Message

--

Oh, that we would live with "with arms high and hearts abandoned... to the One, the One who gave it all. So I'll stand... my soul, Lord, to You surrender... all I am... is Yours..."

[everlasting]

EVERLASTING... Your light will shine when all else fades...
NEVER ENDING... Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the CRY OF MY HEART is to bring You PRAISE...
From the INSIDE out, O my SOUL cries out...

[hillsong]

-- All my delight --

This my song through all my days - All my delight is in You Lord - All of my hope, all of my strength - All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

Song and cry upon my heart today; a song of praise to the One that I love and the One who loves me more than I could know.

My Love, my Life, my All in all. Love song for my Savior today. The One whose love and goodness, mercy and tenderness, faithfulness and grace I do not deserve; the One in whom my soul can find peace and rest. Hope. Strength. All that I need. And find through it all, I am blessed.

Love song to the One who has been with me through it all. The One who has never left my side. The One who will continue to lead me through deserts and valleys, hope against hope, from strength to strength, till I am finally Home. Jesus, I am so grateful for You. And this precious gift of life You give us in You.

No, there is none like You. None like Jesus.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

- Hillsong United, "None But Jesus"

- photo courtesy of avia photography

God of Mercy :: Came to My Rescue :: ii

Giving all I am to seek your face :: Lord all I am is yours

God of mercy :: humbled by the depths :: of your presence :: at your throne

CONTINUED... from part i:

I about fell out of my chair when I ran into this passage this week.

It had been a part of my reading earlier in the week in the One Year Bible I'm going through, but when I ran into the second half of it on Friday, I literally could not believe my eyes.

I have been searching for words to describe this week.

Searching for words to depict one of the darkest times in my life, all that I felt and culminated in my life on Tuesday. I remembered the first part of psalm 31 speaking to me, particular these words from the first three verses,

“In you, LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Oh, I LOVE that... IF FOR NO OTHER REASON, if for NOTHING else, Lord, as we hear throughout the stories and the characters and the lives of those in the Old Testament, who have cried,

LORD, if for NOTHING else, for the sake of YOUR NAME, lead and guide me. For the sake of YOUR NAME, do not destroy us.

Or, I love how in Ezekiel we hear the Lord spelling out the destruction He will bring to the people, yet then relenting, “but for the sake of my name, I will not do it.” Oh man I could go on and on about those words that became even that much more powerful to me earlier this week as they directly intersected with my situation.

So, as I was saying, I about nearly fell out of my seat as I was sitting in a booth at Wendy's grabbing some lunch in the midst of some errands on Friday.

This ENTIRE psalm just wrote and explained my week. Wow. And this is in the BIBLE?!? I was shocked more not by the fact that it was in there but by the fact that it felt like someone had literally ripped out a page of my journal and slapped it in the middle of the book. I could not believe it.

I was floored also because it captured the cry of my heart in the most truest and rawest of forms and nearly verbatim all I had written, felt and experienced.

Monday and Tuesday the cry of my heart was any combination of verse 1- 12.
By the end of the week, particularly Thursday and Friday, through now, the end of the psalm, verses 14-17, captured the cry of my heart. Let's take a look shall we.

Monday and Tuesday of this week, as depicted in psalm 31:1-5, 9-12--

IN YOU, LORD, I HAVE TAKEN REFUGE;
LET ME NEVER BE PUT TO SHAME;
DELIVER ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS.

TURN YOUR EAR TO ME,
COME QUICKLY TO MY RESCUE;
BE MY ROCK OF REFUGE,
A STRONG FORTRESS TO SAVE ME.

SINCE YOU ARE MY ROCK AND MY FORTRESS,
FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR NAME LEAD AND GUIDE ME. 

KEEP ME FREE FROM THE TRAP THAT IS SET FOR ME,
FOR YOU ARE MY REFUGE.

INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT;
DELIVER ME, LORD, MY FAITHFUL GOD. 

 

BE MERCIFUL TO ME, LORD, FOR I AM IN DISTRESS;
MY EYES GROW WEAK WITH SORROW,
MY SOUL AND BODY WITH GRIEF.

MY LIFE IS CONSUMED BY ANGUISH
AND MY YEARS BY GROANING;
MY STRENGTH FAILS BECAUSE OF MY AFFLICTION,
AND MY BONES GROW WEAK.

BECAUSE OF ALL MY ENEMIES,
I AM THE UTTER CONTEMPT OF MY NEIGHBORS;
EVEN MY FRIENDS ARE AFRAID TO COME NEAR ME.

WHEN THEY SEE ME ON THE STREET,
THEY RUN THE OTHER WAY.
I AM FORGOTTEN AS THOUGH I WERE DEAD;
I HAVE BECOME LIKE BROKEN POTTERY.

::

And, then, the calm after the storm, though the storm has not passed, there have been moments, pockets of relief in which I've been able to breathe again. Moments and a peace and a restoration that has allowed my soul to say, it is well.

Again, I am experiencing a peace that totally surpasses understanding, for I do not understand it, yet I know it comes from the One who is so incredibly faithful and so incredibly good. 

He gives peace, strength, grace to His people. He empowers our feeble and broken souls to cling to a hope against hope. A hope that is only possible in Him.

A hope in which our hearts are brought again to surrender.  A hope in which our hearts come undone and say again, Lord, I give You my life.

And what I love about the psalms, as many have said, is how they beautifully expose and display the reality of the human condition.

That there will be times when our weeks are like the first part of these verses, even though we still BELIEVE the truth in the second half I am about to share, that there will be times when all that is within us can despair. 

It does not mean we are weak or do not love or trust God, but that simply put, we are human.

It is okay to feel all of these emotions. It is okay for us to simply be where we are.

He has met me most intimately in my times of darkness. Those times of utter agony and defeat where I am in distress and calling out for a Savior.

It has done MY heart good to know I am not alone. To know we can find ourselves in the company of those who have gone before us, this rich fellowship of believers and fellow pilgrims on this journey towards Home.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of this week, as depicted from psalm 31:14-17, 24--

BUT I TRUST IN YOU, LORD;
I SAY, “YOU ARE MY GOD.”

PAUSE - okay, one of my favorite lines in scripture, especially in the Psalms, Job and Habakkuk is "BUT...." or "YET..." Even tho he slay me, YET I will trust in Him.. BUT, I will rejoice in God my Savior... Lord, be merciful to me for I am in distress, all hope seems gone, BUT I trust in You, for You are My God. Man. So, so good.

CONTINUE -

MY TIMES ARE IN YOUR HANDS;

Okay, another pause – my times are in your hands, I LOVE that.

Those words jumped out at me, such a beautiful cry of surrender and display of trust. That You, my God, are holding me and my life; my times are IN your HANDS.

CONTINUE -

LET YOUR FACE SHINE ON YOUR SERVANT;
SAVE ME IN YOUR UNFAILING LOVE.

LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME, LORD,
FOR I HAVE CRIED OUT TO YOU;

BE STRONG AND TAKE HEART,
ALL YOU WHO HOPE IN THE LORD.

-- Portions of Psalm 31 from the TNIV, NIV, NLT

We can be strong and take heart, that because we are strong, or by conjuring up strength or faith or courage on our own, but because HE is mighty. He is the Lord who gives strength to His people. Hope. Peace. Mercy and Grace to endure as we continue to depend on Him.

Hope is rising on the horizon.

For He who has promised

is faithful.

I thank You.
For You are the God of all Comfort,
The God of all Mercy and Peace.

- photo courtesy of the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater

God of Mercy :: Came to My Rescue :: i

Giving all I am to seek your face :: Lord all I am is yours

 God of mercy :: humbled by the depths :: of your presence :: at your throne

Seriously? How have I never posted this until now?!?

So, this is for REAL, for real, one of my all-time favorite songs. I had never heard of Hillsong till years ago when I lived with my beloved Christian Fellowship girls plus one heck of a worship leader and singer, my girl, Jenni!

Hosanna will forever be Jenni's song. We would always laugh about how any time it was her week to sing, Hosanna would always work it's way into the mix.

Still, to this day, anytime I hear it, I think of her. Nobody sings that song like Jenni, I like to brag that she does it better than the original. That girl has got the voice of an angel, that is all I've gots to say about THAT!

Well, more and more I would hear songs from their Hillsong cds and just had to have some for myself. These songs have been a part of my getting ready routine literally the last three years straight.

And I've been SO glad our church has been incorporating more and more Hillsong into our times of worship through music, there is something about Hillsong and they way their songs are seriously so divinely inspired. They lead you into the very heart of worship, the very heart of God.

This is one song I feel I can claim unashamedly as an all-time favorite. I literally listen to it at least once a day in my getting ready routine. I do not know what it is about it, but this song is such a gift and so many times gives voice to the mysterious ways and cry of the soul and unites all that is within me that longs for more of Him and all within Him that longs for more of me. Enjoy!

Hillsong - Came to My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours

My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high


- CONTINUED in... part ii