Rob Bell and Mother Teresa, pt. I

You did not choose me, I chose you.
What it really means to be a disciple.




So I’m trying to process at least one thing from my day on here again cause I’ve been writing a lot in my real journal and then want to transfer like 5 posts at a time and that never happens with time. So, I’m posting the videos we watched in my No Greater Love Bible study today.

Rob Bell and Mother Teresa have a lot in common. It’s crazy. Our leader shows a Nooma video at the start of each session that ties in with the chapter in Mother Teresa’s book and it’s crazy the overlaps that are found in the material. I hope to post soon my reflections from this chapter and how it ties in with what I learned in the video today, but for now, experience it for yourself. It will make you think.

To be a kid again

Today was such an amazing day.

Women's ministry at Woodcrest in the morning was amazing. Today’s speaker was speaking straight to me. Our bible study discussion was unreal. The rob bell video. Coming home to eat lunch and eating outside. Precious moments of silence and time with God.

Support raising work.
Then taking a break meeting Korrin and the kids at the park. I’ve been in mom world for a now while and my biggest regret going to the park with the moms after bible study last semester was all the moms sit on the outside in a little clump while the kids run off and play in the playground.

Today, when I got up, I was looking forward to taking the kids to the park. To play. Not to watch. Paige runs up to me when I got there, ready to go play? Yeah I say, and she jumps in my arms. The other moms and korrin were like, we wish we had your energy. And I was, well you guys have them 24/7, if that was me, I wouldn’t have this energy either lol.

We had such a blast. It was like I was in another world. I didn’t have my phone or my anything, I was just in the moment, not even worrying about anything. It was so great and such a beautiful day. I don't remember the last time I was running around to the point of breaking a sweat. It was so much fun. And to enter Paige world, the things she thinks of, she comes to life out there in the playground and has so many adventures. It was so good. And a great hour break from the rest of the day.

Lord, I thank you for today and all the other amazing things you did and are doing.

(pic of Paige from today, this girl is hard to catch on camera but i finally got one shot of her being semi-still!)

a grateful heart i give

your love is amazing. steady and unchanging... your love carries me. your love makes me sing.

Today was a great day. God’s been delivering me from my fears more and more as He’s calling me to face them. Last night he reminded me that he would be there with me as I walked through a situation today. That I wasn’t going alone. That we’d get through it together.

I don’t know how or when, but my relationship with God has completely changed. Some of it from reading The Shack and all the things going on in my life during reading that book and things I’m going through now in the recovery process, but it has shifted. It’s more personal. More intimate. His voice is more present. And real. His comfort is amazing. His reassurance and guidance in my life felt. I can’t describe it but it is real. Thank you for an amazing day and for delivering me today as I trusted you. Shaking and scared, but afterwards relieved. You are good.

We are not God

When this devotional popped up in my email a few weeks ago, i saved it to my desktop cause I knew I needed to be reminded of this... daily. These words were just what I needed to hear that day and forever.

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

"We need to be reminded that we are not God.

This seems pretty basic. You wouldn't think it would be hard to remember. But we get so caught up in proving ourselves by performing, achieving and rescuing that we forget that we are humans with real limits. We fill our time so full of frenzied activity that there is no 'stillness'. And when there is no stillness, it is hard to remember who is God and who is not.

Fortunately, God does not forget who is God and who is not. God invites us to quiet ourselves, to slow ourselves down. God invites us to be still long enough to regain perspective. "Be still", God says, "and know that I am God."

In the stillness we can see again that there is a difference between our frenzy and God's kingdom. It is God's work to provide and protect and rescue. It is not our work. We can do our part. But our part needs to be respectful of our human limits. Our part needs to actively acknowledge our dependence on God. God is God, and we are not.


Help me to slow down, Lord.
Help me to be quiet.
Help me to be still long enough to remember that you are God.
Help me to remember who is creature and who is Creator.
Let this truth free me, Lord, to accept my limits,
Amen."

- NACR devotional

Broken dependence

Situations in my life recently, ranging in various degrees, have been shedding light on my trust issues and my willingness to depend on God.

There is a difference between “trusting God” and “actively trusting” Him. Revealed most recently in the ever-present idol of control.
It’s a bitter pill.

He's having to break my dependence on these other gods.

What I found in these recent challenges was the issue was more the anxiety I felt because I was not in control of the situation… I was entering into several uncontrolled environments and that was nearly enough to ensue a panic attack. Nearly. Not quite. But a flood of emotions.

I’ve had to depend on God in a deeper way more and more each day. To the point where it is uncomfortable. I’m finding a lot of comfort in what Mother Teresa shares in the book I’m in a group study for… mostly because I feel I can connect with her not because I'm a saint or anywhere close, but ONLY after reading Come Be My Light before reading this one.

Come Be My Light gave me no room to put her on a pedestal. It reveals the darkness beneath her light. Her struggles to trust God. Her doubts in believing. Her challenges. Her dreams. Her hopes. Her fears. It shows us the real person. Who was great because of one thing, her love for Jesus. And that love was all she had.

It was what she lived on, what gave her life.

So these first few words of No Greater Love are something I have gone back to FREQUENTLY in the last couple of weeks. To remind myself of the secret. Dependence on my God. Moment by moment. Breath by breath. That his grace is the only thing that will carry me.
Where is your hope, really?
Where is your trust, Mags?

The answers to these questions recently has revealed the shift God is trying to produce in my heart, to bring more and more of my heart fully to him. It is a painful surgery, from our trusted idols.

I’m needing to let go.

“I don’t think there is anyone who needs God’s help and grace as much as I do. Sometimes I feel so helpless and weak. I think that is why God uses me. Because I cannot depend on my own strength, I rely on Him twenty-four hours a day. If the day had even more hours, then I would need His help and grace during those hours as well. All of us must cling to God through prayer.

My secret is very simple: I pray. Through prayer I become one in love with Christ. I realize that praying to Him is loving Him."

My delight is in her.

You rescued me again today. From my misery, and from my tide of shame and doubt, insecurity and weakness, I turned to you and you did not fail me. Your word never returns empty.

You reminded me of who I really am.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-14

You will called a mighty oak, a planting of the LORD, for the display for his splendor. This is what I was created for and this is who I am, for the display of your splendor.

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.

2 The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah, [a]
and your land Beulah [b] ;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

…

12 They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the LORD;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted.


God says something pretty powerful here.

He says, you will called PURSUED or SOUGHT AFTER… no longer deserted. He knew our intense struggle with abandonment and our fears of being alone. He reminds of we are passionately pursued, even when we do not feel like it. he reminds us that we have been given a new name, and Hephzibah literally means, “my delight is in her.”

You have been given a new name…

My child, in whom I greatly delight.

Today I heard these words as if He was right here speaking to me.

“and you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.”

I will rescue you, my child, yes I will help you.

You are my precious one, in whom I delight.

loved.

"You belong somewhere you feel free."

I feel loved.

Lord, thank you for placing me in so many families.

For having little sisters who are in high school who want to hang out whenever I’m in town. And share things with me they’ve never talked about with anyone. Who feel safe with me even though we’ve only met a couple times around the whole family.

And then the other family. Thank you for placing me in this couple’s life. for him telling me he views me as a daughter. For the conversations we have and how it has been so natural. For how tonight I felt like they were a cross between my parents and grandparents. For how I realized last week I feel safe around him. For how much you’re teaching me through them. For how good you are.

Thank you.

For extended family. I feel truly loved.

In other news, there is a lot goin on. Too much to write about now. But I have piles upon piles of blogs to be shared in the near future!