Ironically enough, getting out of the feelings, all the yuck and hard within my heart that I can sometimes feel ashamed to feel, or ashamed to let others see, doing so led to being healed. I was reminded of this as I was chatting with Ben and realized I already felt lighter. I already felt this heaviness and weight lifted, and again as I was washing dishes and doing a few other things and being able to engage with the world again, feel like myself again, the smolten anger no longer burning like a raging fire within. I realized in that, something I deeply value and believe, but somehow had forgotten. How important it is to acknowledge and deal with all we are feeling, how the feelings we're afraid will overcome us if we let ourselves feel them fully, are the very vehicle that leads to our souls being free, of us moving past those emotions to where we can come to a new place and encounter god in the midst. While I do process and acknowledge my emotions alone and with my husband and friends, there was something about me posting it more publicly that I needed to do. I don't know why and I can't explain it. Part of me facing and choosing to no longer let these fears and insecurities control me. I found that as I shared, as I acknowledged and typed out all I feel I couldn't share, in the process, I was healed, restored, made whole again. My heart is still tender, my emotions still raw, yet He is healing and has healed me. "Our wounds [truly do] need to be shared to be healed."
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