Let him… trust in the name of the Lord…

I loved reading this devotional today, not only can I relate on a number of levels but in the world I live in, the campus ministry world, every day is a battle in the lives of those who are hurting, desperate and broken. Every day is enter into the darkness of the lives of others and helping them know they are not alone, helping increase their sight for the One who is there and His light shining even in the midst of darkness. This is a reality in my own life and the lives of those around me. I realized as there are others in my life going through difficult seasons, that my relationship with God would not be what it is today without those seasons, without those rough times.

Those seasons saved me. And my relationship with God. They stripped me away of all I once relied upon and even the God I thought I knew and brought me into something new and much more substantial. Something life-giving and true, filled with intimacy, romance and adventure. A love that is present in the ordinary and the mundane of my life. A Presence and a Peace that reminds me I am never alone. A relationship that ultimately has taught me how to rely upon my God in any season. It is only possible by His grace, for even the desire to seek Him comes from Him, not anything in and of ourselves or anything we can take credit. He has been wooing me and ushering me in His grace in the seasons I experienced in support raising, seasons that prepared me for this one, so that I may know that He is the Lord and be able to trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon my God, the One who alone provides streams and favor in the desert, and treasures in the darkness.

From Streams in the Desert:

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Isaiah 50:10

What is a believer to do in times of darkness—a darkness of perplexities and confusion—a darkness not of the heart but of the mind? These times of darkness come to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God. They come as seasons when he does not know what to do or which way to turn. His sky becomes overcast with clouds, and the clear light of heaven does not shine on his path, so that he feels as if he were groping his way through complete darkness.

Dear believer, does this describe you? What should you do in times of darkness? Listen to God’s Word: “Let him… trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” Actually, the first thing to do is nothing. This a difficult thing for our lowly human nature to do. There is a saying, “When you’re rattled, don’t rush.” In other words, “When you are confused and do not know what to do, do nothing,: When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not rush ahead, but slow the pace of your life. And if necessary, keep your life’s ship anchored and tied to the dock.

The right thing to do is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God’s providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf. Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into the bright sunshine of His love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so may we climb into His arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road.

Remember, we are never without a pilot—even when we do not know which was to steer."

- From the devotional, Streams in the Desert

Eyes that look are common, eyes that see are rare

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

:: 2 Corinthians 4:18

in awe of the one who gave it all

my heart is filled with awe and wonder.
love for my savior king.
the one who is closer than my very breath and more real than anything i can see.

this song captured my heart's cry today as i was able to celebrate and rejoice running through the finish line of the last eight weeks of fall rush in the campus ministry world and a time of entering into newness in just about every arena of my life, a time of flurry and transition, change and stability, hope and grief, strength and joy, life and peace. but the overwhelming sense is of a sustaining grace, a presence that carried me through it all and that gave me life. and strength upon strength, each passing day. you are near. and you have never left my side. you have brought me through it all and awakened me with your love.

you are worthy to be praised.
my heart is filled with awe and wonder.
love for my king.

so what could I say... what could I do... then offer this heart oh God… completely to you? so I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned... in awe... of the One who gave it all... so I’ll stand... my soul Lord to you surrender... all I am is Yours… so I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned... in awe... of the One who gave it all... I’ll stand, My soul Lord to you surrender...

All I am is Yours...

- hillsong united, the stand

Prelude to today's posts and why I love Dan Allender.

"I WISH THINGS WERE SIMPLE. I wish that difficult problems could all be easily resolved through sincere determination to obey God, regular time in His word, and fervent prayer.

In a sense, they can. The heart that is single-minded in its commitment to follow Christ will learn to unself-consciously love, to be so consumed with the wonder of God and promoting joy in others that personal concerns retreat to a well-deserved lower priority.

But our hearts are deceitful.

A simple decision to surrender everything to Jesus may start a good process, but there are a host of hard, ugly things to deal with that we prefer to overlook as we keep on surrendering.

We sometimes manage to persuade ourselves that God is as pleased as we are with our developing maturity, while in fact His Spirit is gently pushing open doors into the darker regions of our hearts that we pretend don’t exist.

Christians who have the courage to follow the Spirit into the unfriendly parts of their souls have a harder time pretending that the maturing process is coming along nicely. They face the fact that living in a fallen world sometimes exposes people to experiences that no bearer of God’s image was ever meant to endure and that our reactions to those experiences are deeply stained with our own fallenness.

When people—through absolutely no fault of their own—are subjected to terrible crimes against God and against their souls… powerful forces are set in motion within them that make it especially frightening to give themselves to others. Exhorting them to “just trust God” tends to generate frustration and provoke angry questions about the reality of Christian truth.

One of the great needs in the church today is to replace a model for simplistic sanctification with an understanding of the gospel that is both simple and penetrating, reaching with power into the realities of sinful, damaged souls.

That shift requires pioneer work in thinking hard about tough problems that we don’t like to talk about. Problems that, because they do not yield easily to our current ideas about victory in Christ, tend to be ignored.

If that pioneering effort is to be biblical, it must insist that the image of God is central to developing a solid view of personality; that our sinfulness, not how we’ve been sinned against, is our biggest problem; that forgiveness, not wholeness, is our greatest need; that repentance, not insight, is the dynamic in all real change."

- Dr. Dan Allender

To be alive is to be broken...

"To be alive is to be broken; and to be broken is to stand in need of grace."

Strange how it is when I feel the most broken, I feel the most alive.
Most in touch with the God who is with me in my brokenness, the One who calls me by name and whispers,

You are mine.

Strange how when I am most broken, I am most aware of my neediness and humanness. Most in touch with my need for God. Most keenly aware of my need for a Savior who gives me grace.

“Mystery is spoiled in a word.”

To try and describe God’s love and how I’ve experienced his amazing grace and healing and restoration in my life in the last few days would only cheapen it.

All I can say is I’m grateful.

Tearing down my walls, brick by brick.

The walls I built up, the fortress I constructed in times of insecurity.
The walls I trust in more than I trust in the God I claim I love.
The walls that have stolen my idolatrous trust, for in them I have found security. In them I have found safety and protection. In them I have found my identity. In them I have found the life I thought I so desired.

But He is tearing them down, brick by brick.
Through my circumstances, through every change in my life in the last year, He is tearing down

So my life can be rebuilt.
It is terrifying. Yet it is beautiful.

Last night my heart could say, Lord you are good. You are so good. You are breaking me, you are demolishing the fortress, tearing down the walls, so that I may truly live.

So all I once found comfort in and a false sense of self, a false sense of security may come tumbling down, that I would turn to the One true God, not only surrendering parts of me, but all of me.

"I lay myself at your feet
Asking you
Won’t you need me

So here I am
Tonight
With my arms
Open wide

Won’t you come, inside?"
- Shawn McDonald

Those words were a song written on my heart, a song my soul recognized when I heard that song come up the other day listenting to music.

Words so close to my the true cry of my heart.
Words of surrender

And reckless abandon.
And words that remind me that I am never alone, for you are with me.
Through the storms and sorrows and through the joys and wonders of your grace.
You are here and you’re breaking me down, with everything in my life, to draw me deeper into your heart, to draw me deeper into the life you have for me, not the life I have constructed and need freed from. You rescue me because you delight in me. My worth comes from you.

"To be alive is to be broken and to be broken is to be in need of grace."
Amen.

True hope

"TRUE HOPE NEVER MINIMIZES A PROBLEM in order to make it more palatable and easily managed. For the Christian, hope begins by recognizing the utter hopelessness of our condition and the necessity of divine intervention, if we are to experience true joy. Any personal change that can be achieved solely through human, in contrast to supernatural, intervention will neither satisfy nor change our heart. A proper focus on the deep would is therefore neither negative nor does it promote despair. Rather, it sets the stage for the dramatic work of God.”

- Dr. Dan Allender

.::vision of reality::.

Every change in a person’s life grows out of a change of their vision of reality. [ Brennan Manning ]

Yesterday my vision of reality was drastically altered. It was as if I have had a broken bone for the last few weeks but couldn’t really name the pain or where the ache was coming from, but seeing it and figuring out how it got there and the path moving forward, changed everything. It was a moment that had been in the making for weeks now, slowly, bit by bit, until finally I could see.

I felt freed. I felt loved. I felt held. Known. Received.

Someone is setting my soul free.