Unfinished post from Sat. Dec. 28. I fell asleep before writing the rest of this as my body was exhausted from a full and busy day. Hopefully I will finish it later ;)
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Today was just a beautiful day. Refreshing for my heart, body, and soul. I'm finding more and more that even though we've been in Pasadena almost six months, I'm still struggling to find a way to keep up. Life continues to move faster than I'm able to keep up and I find that at the end of the day, despite taking millions of pictures on my camera or phone or experiencing things I was planning to write about or share, I'm all out of physical and emotional energy by the time it's all said and done.
So, for a time being I relieved myself of the pressure to try and document (publicly) the things happening in a day. A lot has been happening. But a lot of it is I'm just simply living and enjoying my life. It's been freeing in many ways to be able to just live in and enjoy the moment and not have to worry about what I'm going to say, what photos I'm going to post here and there, but to just take photos and enjoy the moment whether anyone else sees them or not. I've found that for me, the joy in taking pictures is in exactly that: taking pictures. I'm perfectly content snapping away till my fingers are about to go numb or my battery dies, and savoring the moment by getting to capture and look back on my camera or computer later.
But, I'm coming to a point where I am needing to push myself to try and find new ways to live and share my life in this new season and place. What I did before is no longer working for where I am now. It's been good for me to take a step back as I was able to focus and invest all my energy into being fully here, building relationships, and the start of several new journeys, but there is another part of me that was slowly dying. A part of me that needs to be writing, taking and posting some of the pics that share parts of my new world, a part of me that needs to continue to wrestle with the things that have brought me to take a step back from facebook and instagram much of the last three and a half months, wrestle with the issues, face insecurities and fears.
I'm pushing myself to write/post again because I know it's good for my heart. It's been good to allow my heart time and space and the protection it needed in the midst of our transition and it's also been good to wrestle with the barriers and things that have prevented me from posting and be obedient to the nudges and pushes from my Father about trusting Him with all I cannot control.
So, alas, I am trying again. Sharing the things from time to time that are some of what I'm experiencing out here on this new journey since we moved to California. Even just writing that last sentence it hit me anew how crazy it is that I'm even living in California right now, how crazy it is that we are even here. For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of living in Southern California. Crazy, long, funny story for later on how we ended up here, but every time I leave the house for a walk or am driving through downtown, or walk outside a store and see the gorgeousness all around me I am reminded that okay, THIS is why I feel this was a place that was on my heart for a reason. I feel totally at home here.
There are so many things about Pasadena and about California that feel like are ways God is directly communicating and speaking to me. Little things as well as large that serve as reminders of His presence, faithfulness, and love. Beauty that speaks to my heart in ways He knows would matter to me most; a multitude of things that make me want to enjoy every single moment of our short time here while Ben's in graduate school. I'm not even a student but started a new job a week after the quarter began and if our time here goes as fast as the last 10 weeks, I know the time we're picking up and moving again will be here before we know it.
So I am continuing to do what living with a chronic illness the last three and a half years has forced me to do: take things one day at a time. I'm savoring each and every moment that we have here in Pasadena. Being here for this short season is a blessing, a gift that I do not want to take for granted.
Today was a gift on many levels. I got up with the intention of making it to a thrift store before their early bird special ran out, and Ben ended up joining me...
Like I said, I ended up falling asleep before finishing this, it was two days ago but I have no idea what I was going to say after this, so I'm leaving this post unfinished for now ;) to be continued lol
- unedited photos I took from part of our day
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