"I will restore what the locusts have eaten."
Dear ________,
It's been a busy day. I have so much I have to tell you. I am blown away yet again at the countless ways our God sees and knows our hearts, our every need, how He longs to provide.
He has done that in ways in which only He can.
Encouraged and restored and lifted my heart in ways that only He knew would speak to me the most. I am amazed. He heals the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit and I can tell you last night I was in the pit of despair. The most heartbroken, disillusioned, and crushed I have felt in a long time.
But, I have to tell you something. Before I even get to tell you more about the last 24 hours, I've been wanting to write all day but it's bee a busy day and I'm finally getting a chance to sit at my computer for more than a few seconds and I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow so I'll have to share more later, but these words all day have been on my heart:
These eight words that encompass more than I can find words to express right now, words that speak to that which He has been doing the last three to four weeks and really since we moved out here, through now and what He will continue to do. This God who plots for our joy. Who does not bring us a cup of suffering without also bringing with it an offering and over-abundance of joy. Life as we've never seen nor lived it before, life in the fullness of Him whether in the eye of the storm or in times of supposed safety. He is there and He is plotting for YOUR joy.
I realized I need to start talking.
Something happened within me today when I realized, as the fog and the heaviness began to lift and I slowly felt like I wasn't walking through a daze anymore that has shrouded the last few days, it was as if the breakthrough happened instanesouly, and suddenly my eyes were opened.
I had these words enter my mind as the breakthrough began to happen. It was when I realized I have been silenced by my Enemy. The One who does not want this or the story God is telling through the various circumstances and experiences God is bringing me through right now.
I made a promise. I made a vow.
No longer. No longer, not one more day am I going to allow the Enemy to STEAL how the Lord has restored what the locusts have eaten.
Not one more day, will I let him silence me. Keep me from sharing the wonders of your love, who you are, and how you fight for your children.
We are never out of your sight.
There are no lengths to which you won't go to have us.
When one of us is lost, you stop everything, abandon the 99 to find the 1.
We're that important to you.
We matter.
You see your precious children.
You fight for them all day long.
You love them more than they could ever imagine.
And you've given up everything for them. Just to be with them.
In hopes, in desires that we would just simple turn, simply look to You, walk with and trust You.
You who is our Hope.
You who is our Strength.
You who is our everything.
Jehovah Jireh.
Our God is a God who provides.
You love us.
You love me.
You have seen and heard of my misery.
You lifted me from the pit of despair.
And reminded me, restored me, encouraged me, and healed me. Reminded me of who You are and who I am as a result.
I am deeply and dearly loved.
You love me more than I could ever imagine.
And your joy comes in the morning.
His joy may not come right away. It may not come the next morning. Or the next day, or the next.
But, hold on. Take heart. For your victory is coming.
God is plotting for your joy.
His joy comes in the morning.
He has not forgotten us, dear friend.
He is especially, especially near.
And there is so much more to this battle, so much more going on than you and others can even now yet see.
Hold on, I promise you, there is more.
Our suffering is NOT in vain.
He is my peace. He comforts me with songs of joy.
I don't have words to explain all that has happened, all that I do know is that He can heal and restore even our deepest of heartaches, but the times of despair, the times of devastation, frustration, disppointment after disappointment are not bad.
In fact, admitting them is necessary. For we cannot move on until we do. We can't gloss over those feelings in hopes of them just going away. As one of my favorite authors says, there is a cry of the soul that demands to be heard.
This is what my letters are to you. My raw, unedited cries of the soul. Cries of the soul that demand expression, that need a place, and a home.
Our feelings at any given moment aren't threatening to Him.
He knows that working through, admitting and acknowledging them is the first step.
We must bring our full selves to Him. The parts that hurt as well as the parts that rejoice.
There are going to be nights like last night where it feels like it there will never be light again. The times the darkness is so real and so heavy you can't see past or believe there will be dawn.
But then there are also going to be times when joy truly does come in the morning. When He heals us in ways only He can.
God is plotting for your joy. For you and for me.
I promise, it will get better.
The darkness will, when we least expect it, again turn to dawn.
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